Loneliness
It's a horrible ache. An emptiness.
A hollow feeling. Like someone has reached into me and pulled
out all the important stuff, leaving me empty and echoing.
I drift around, looking
for something to do, anything to keep my mind away form the
fact that the most important part of me is missing. Books
are no good, TV bores me, and studing is pointless when all
I can think of is her.
I curl up on my bed
and I try in vain to capture a trace of her scent on her pillows,
but a week of my own scent has covered it completely.
I cry. And I wish that
she was with me, holding me. Her eyes so beautiful as my fingers
trace the outline of her perfect face. Her body fitting so
very well against mine as I watch her face light up in a smile.
I miss the feeling of
completeness that I get when I am with her, my angel, my goddess.
I am in a crowded room, people everywhere, but my bones ache
with my loneliness.
What really happens when two people
experience "falling in love", and is this true love?
Believe it or not, falling in love, or infatuation, is not
true love. Nobody can deny that when we fall in love with
someone, the emotions we experience are very intense, and
we feel wonderful and very happy. However, there are several
problems with falling in love, that reveal it is not true
love.
I hope everyone dies...soon..
First, falling in love almost always involves
sexual desires. Through true love our purpose in loving
is the other person's spiritual and personal growth, and
satisfying our own sexual desires has little to do with
the other's spiritual growth. People do not fall in love
or become infatuated with their children, parents, brothers
and sisters, although we can love them very deeply.
Second, the feelings associated with
falling in love are usually temporary. The ecstatic feeling
of being in love eventually passes. True love is permanent
and should last a lifetime.
Third, the experience of
falling in love is in reality a collapse of a portion of
what psychiatrists call our ego boundaries. Ego boundaries
normally protect us from from getting too emotionally close
to too many people. When our ego boundaries collapse and
we fall in love with someone, we feel very close and intimate
with that person. We feel positive and happy all the time.
We feel like anything is possible, that there are no limits
to what we can do together. We feel we can overcome all
obstacles and we will live in a state of bliss forever.
But this is not reality! Eventually, when
lovers begin to have minor disagreements, or when the attractiveness
that brought them together looses its appeal, they begin
to realize that they will not live in bliss forever, and
they begin to fall out of love. When they find themselves
no longer in love, they can either end the relationship,
or begin the work of building real, true love. True and
lasting love sometimes can have its beginnings in an experience
of falling in love.
Since falling in love involves a collapse
of your ego boundaries and limits, you are not making effort
to extend them. Real loving requires you to extend your
limitations, expand your ego boundaries, and grow spiritually,
all of which take effort and may be difficult and a challenge
to accomplish. Falling in love, on the other hand, is easy
and effortless.
Fourth, when you fall in love with someone
it is usually not through your own conscious choice. Many
times people fall in love with other people who are not
really the best match for them. When you fall in love, you
can feel "swept off your feet", that is, you loose
control of your emotions and your rationality.
Finally, falling in love usually has nothing
to do with one person's concern for the spiritual growth
and development of the other. Rather, the main focus is
the satisfaction of your own emotional and sexual desires.
When you fall in love you tend to idolize each other and
see each other as perfect and not in need of any kind of
improvement or spiritual growth.
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