Chapter 3: Three's a Crowd
 Soaps Suggested Reading List

Kathryn looked at the man sitting despondently beside her, "Chakotay, please forgive me for my intrusiveness, but I came here thinking we could establish one kind of relationship and all of a sudden I find myself facing a very different one. I need to understand.

This project has got to succeed and if I am going to be a liability to its success, I need to be able to assess that right at the beginning and remove myself. If you are not able handle this emotionally, I need to know that at the start as well. My mission here is critical to the survival of the Federation. I can't overstate its importance. Your part in it, Dorvan's part in this, is crucial. There are things happening that are far more important than a failed marriage or a tangled friendship. So please, try to help me understand. I know all of the official history right up to your departure to Dorvan. It's the personal story I need to hear. All that I know is, at that last function, you said goodbye.

We danced, rather warmly for a married man, as I recall, then all of a sudden you didn't want to ever hear from me, see me, communicate with me in any way....and then you were gone. I've honored that request, as much as it has pained me, until now. Believe me, if this wasn't so desperately important, if time wasn't an issue, I wouldn't have imposed my presence on you now."

"Your presence has never been anything less than wonderful to me, Kathryn. That was the problem. I had this beautiful, willing, young wife that I cared for, but I found myself waiting for, planning for, yearning for those few minutes a day with you. I lived on the edges of my own life looking in at this unattainable center. You were my center.

Are you going to do that every time I tell you I care about you?"

"Probably." She wiped away the tears as he put his arm around her and held her in a gentle embrace. She settled herself against him, "Go on."

"I knew we had to part someday. I had to come here. I owed it to my father and to my people. When I was dancing with you, I knew it had to be more than just 'see you later'. You looked so beautiful. I couldn't see anything else for the sight of you. I even remember the dress you had on. It was kind of grayish tan. Every other woman in that place had some loud color on, including Nik. But you came in a color as soft as a deer. And you'd pulled your hair up and back, when you had hair.

Why do you keep cutting your hair?"

"For the same reason any woman cuts her hair, it's easier. Please continue. I like the part about being beautiful. I don't hear that much anymore. I can't believe you remember that dress."

"Someone should tell you every day, you are still beautiful. You know, I could count on one hand the times I'd seen you out of uniform...well..since New Earth. Yes, I remember that dress. It had a long, loose skirt in some kind of satin material and the top was a draped, translucent scarf that looked as if it should show everything, but didn't, and it looped around your back in a couple of places but mostly your back was bare. You had pearl earring and that's all, no other jewelry. When I danced with you, you were so warm in my arms. I never wanted to let you go. I knew then, that if I were serious about my marriage, I and I'm very serious about marriage, I had to be willing to remove you from my life permanently."

She sat forward, pulling away from him, "Couldn't you have told me then? Do you have any idea of what that was like, to be dancing so intimately with a man I knew I had no business touching, to melt into you like that and then, as soon as I did, to have you tell me you were leaving and that I should should not attempt to contact you, in any way, ever?" She looked back at him, "I burned that dress."

"You did? I'm sorry, not that it matters now. At the time... It was a pivotal moment. If I had stayed any longer, I could have never left. And I had to, for myself, for Nik, for Dorvan...I had to get out of there right then. Afterwards, I thought about calling you, explaining my actions, but I didn't think I'd have the strength to walk away twice, so I didn't. I had no way of knowing how it would affect you. Other than knowing that we respond to each other physically, you have never given me any indication of how you felt about me. I know we had, hope we still have, a deep friendship, but I never did know if your friendship ever included loving me. You seemed so positive and supportive when I told you that something had developed between Nik and I. For all I knew, all you would feel was a mild regret and maybe anger that I'd left you like that."

"Oh, I was angry all right, and mortified that I'd let myself succumb to something I had no business even contemplating."

"Did you love me?"

"Enough to never offer what I knew I couldn't give you. Enough to encourage you to find happiness where you could."

He turned his body toward hers and raised his hand to cup her face, "And now? Do you think you could love me now?"

Her entire body instantly focused on the touch of his hand. She found herself nuzzling into it. With regret and more willpower than she thought it would take, she sat away from him a bit more and gently removed his hand, holding it between her own, "We haven't been together in ten years, Chakotay. I don't know what I feel. There is still my duty, and I didn't expect you to be free. It's overwhelming. Let's take this slowly, okay?"

He dropped his hand and pulled away as well, leaning forward to balance his elbows on his knees and rubbing his face wearily, "Kathryn, seventeen years, all told, is about as slow as I'm willing to go."

She placed a hand on his back, rubbing it in small comforting circles. "You are my dearest friend and I have missed you with every fiber of my being for the last ten years. Let that be enough for now. When you came to Dorvan, what happened then? Didn't things between you improve?"

"It took awhile. We'd had such a bad start, even without my feelings for you confusing it. She told you about my..problems?"

Kathryn grew red with embarrassment. "She came to me for advice because she didn't know what was supposed to be the norm in an intimate experience. At the time, it seemed better that I have a heart to heart with her rather than the Doctor."

"Just out of curiousity, what did she say?"

Kathryn went positively crimson and stammered, "She..ah..was a bit ..um..ah..disconcerted at ...Chakotay, is this necessary?"

He turned to face her again, "Did she tell you what a rotten lover I was?"

"Well, yes."

"I don't suppose she ever bothered to go back and explain to you that I was going through an allergic reaction to some of the fruit we ate when we were marooned on Ledos. That damned stuff made it impossible for me to have a full erection. My penis looked the size of a childs. I had premature ejaculations and..."

"Chakotay! Too much information! I don't need to know this, really." She stood up and walked toward the window.

He arose, grabbed her arms and spun her around to face him. "Yes, you do!" He tightened his embrace, "I want you. We are both free. We are not in a command structure. I have no intention of just standing around like some potted plant waiting for you to define parameters again. I'm a good lover, Kathryn and I can last days, if that's what it takes. I can make you feel things you haven't even thought of."

He pulled her into a tighter embrace, nuzzling her neck and running his hands down to cup her bottom and pulling her tight against his groin. She stiffened in shock, began to push away but found that for every millimeter she pushed her shoulders away, she was increasing the bond in their nether regions...and it felt good. Abruptly, she changed direction and raced her hands up his chest and pulled his head toward hers. Their kiss caused her body to grind even more urgently into his and her brain to answer only to the primitive.

"I see your guest has arrived in good health."

Kathryn and Chakotay spun away from each other to face a tall, handsome woman.

She turned to Kathryn, "I trust you found everything," she paused dramatically, giving Chakotay's a slow, appreciative look, "to your liking?"

Kathryn looked at Chakotay in confusion. He picked up on the cue. "Kathryn, please meet my administrative assistant, Tessa Ormand. Tessa, Admiral Kathryn Janeway."

Tessa smiled, "I'm honored to meet you." She didn't wait for Kathryn to reply, but turned to Chakotay, "Your sister wants you to come and pick up the baby, she's getting cranky."

"Excuse me Kathryn. I'll be right back."

He left, leaving the two women to size each other up. Tessa appeared to be in her late thirties. She had a certain feline grace and elegance. She looked pleasant enough, but had a certain air of hidden amusement and mischieviousness that made Kathryn nervous.

She, in turn, sized up Kathryn. The fabled admiral looked softer than her holovid images, but still had a trim and precise look about her.

Tessa stood observing Kathryn calmly. Kathryn pulled herself back from her embarrassment and started the conversation, "Chakotay said that you made the arrangements for my stay. Thank you."

Tessa accepted her thanks and continued to stand there, smiling.

Kathryn felt decidely uncomfortable. She was determined not to let this woman make her feel like a teenager whose parent had just found her with her hand down her boyfriends pants, although that was pretty much what had happened. "So, have you worked for Chakotay long?"

Tessa smiled coyly. It seemed Tessa always smiled. It was really beginning to irritate Kathryn. "About three years," she replied, "I moved in shortly after Nikki moved out."

"You live here!" Kathryn said with a little more alarm than she really meant to show.

Tessa showered Kathryn with a huge grin, "Moved into the position. Nikki had been acting as his administrative assistant previously."

Kathryn put her hands on her hips, shaking her head ruefully. She knew when she had been bested. "Do you like coffee."

Tessa positively beamed, "I live for coffee."

Kathryn took Tessa's arm in her's, leading her into the kitchen area, "This could be the start of a beautiful friendship."

Tessa let herself be led for a moment, "You go ahead and pour the cups, I'll just pick up what I came for."

Kathryn had settled down at the table, contentedly sipping her coffee when Tessa, slid into the chair next to her, grabbed a packet of sweetener, dumped it into her cup and stired the brew with the toothbrush she held in her hand. Smiling sweetly, she sucked the coffee from the bristles, put the brush aside and lifted the coffee to her lips.

Kathryn smiling just as sweetly, gently clasped Tessa's free hand, giving it an affectionate little squeeze, "Let's talk."

Continue to Chapter 5: TBC

     
  Home          Stories