Found these at EMT Life....
AMUSING RULES OF EMS
1. Skin sign tells all.
2. Truly sick people don't complain.
3. Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round; any variation on this is a bad thing.
4. The more equipment you see on an EMT's belt, the newer they are.
5. If you drop the baby, pick it up.
6. When dealing with patients/supervisors/citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was the wrong thing to say.
7. All bleeding stops...eventually.
8. All people will eventually die, no matter what you do.
9. If the child is quiet, be scared.
10. Always follow the rules, but be wise enough to forget them sometimes.
11. If someone dies by chemical hazards/electrical shock/other on-scene danger, it should be the patient, not you.
12. There will be problems.
13. You can't cure stupid.
14. Somethings only a good autopsy will cure.
15. If it's wet and sticky, and not yours, LEAVE IT ALONE!
16. Heaven protects fools and drunks.
17. The severity of the injury is directly proportional to the difficulty in accessing, as well as the weight, of the patient.
18. Paramedics save lives, but it's EMT skills that save Paramedics.
19. If a patient vomits, be sure to aim it at the bystanders that wouldn't back up.
20. If you don't have it, don't give up. Improvise, Adapt, Overcome, then call for a 2nd unit.
21. If there are no drunks at an MVA after midnight, keep looking, someone is missing.
22. If it's stupid but it works, then it ain't stupid.
23. The important things are alway simple, and the simple things are always hard.
24. When it comes to needles, 'tis better to give than to receive.
25. Most of your patients are healthier than you.
26. The address is never clearly marked.
27. Asystole is a very stable rhythm.
28. If the patient looks sick, then the patient is sick.
29. If the patient is sitting up and talking to you, then they are not in V-Fib, no matter what the monitor says.
30. Patients that crash in seperate vehicles should be transported in seperate vehicles.
31. Just because someone is fully immobilized doesn't mean they can't be violent.
32. Always know when to get out of Dodge.
33. Always know how to get out of Dodge.
34. Don't go into Dodge without the Marshall.
35. Always answer a newbie's question (you asked them once, too).
36. Always honor a threat.
37. When responding to a call, remember your ambulance was built by the lowest bidder.
38. Pain never killed anyone.
39. All fevers eventually fall to room temperature.
40. Training is learning the rules, experience is learning the exceptions.
41. The stereo must always be louder than the siren.
42. Always assume that any physician on scene is a Gynecologist, until proven otherwise, except during a OB/GYN call...then they're a Podiatrist.
THE COMPLETE LIST
EMTogenesis
When God made EMT's and Paramedics, he was into his sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared and said, "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one." And God said, "Have you read the specs on this order?"
"An EMT/Paramedic has to be able to carry an injured person up a wet, grassy hill in the dark; dodge stray bullets to reach a dying child unarmed; enter homes a health inspector wouldn't touch; and not wrinkle their uniform."
"He has to be able to lift three times his own weight; crawl into wrecked cars with barely enough room to move; and console a grieving mother as he is doing CPR on a baby he knows will never breath again."
"She has to be in top mental condition at all times; running on no sleep, black coffee, and half eaten meals. And she has to have six pairs of hands."
The angel shook her head slowly and said, "Six pairs of hands...no way." "It's not the hands that are causing me problems," said God. "It's the three pairs of eyes an EMT/Paramedic has to have." "That's on the standard model?" asked the angel.
God nodded. "One pair that sees open sores as he's drawing blood and asks the patient if they may be HIV positive," (When he already knows and wishes he'd taken that accounting job.)
"Another pair here on the side of her head is for her partner's safety. Another pair of eyes here in the front that she can look reassuringly at a bleeding victim and say 'You'll be all right, ma'am' when she knows it isn't so."
"Lord," said the angel, touching his sleeve, "rest and work on this tomorrow."
"I can't," said God, "I already have a model that can talk a 250 pound drunk out from behind the steering wheel without incident and feed a family of five on a private service paycheck."
The angle circled the model of the paramedic very slowly. "Can it think?" she asked.
"You bet," said God. "It can tell you the symptoms of 100 illnesses; recite drug calculations in its sleep; intubate, defibrillate, medicate, and continue CPR nonstop over terrain that any doctor would fear..and still it keeps its sense of humor."
"This EMT/Medic also has phenominal control. He can deal with a multi-victim trauma; coax a frightened elderly person to unlock their door; comfort a murder victim's family; and then read in the daily paper how EMTs and Paramedics were unable to locate a house quickly enough, allowing the person to die. A house which had no street signs, no house numbers, no phone to call back."
Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the EMT/Paramedic. "There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told you that you were trying to put too much into this model."
"That's not a leak," said God, "it's a tear." "What's the tear for?" asked the angel.
"It's for bottled-up emotions, for patients they tried in vain to save, for committment to hope that they will make a difference in a person's chance to survive, for life."
"You're a genius," said the angel.
God looked somber, "I didn't put it there."