TEENAGERS

Oh boy!
These years are the most turbulent of all years. Push and pull. Push and pull. Your child is realizing that he has to be responsible for himself and this is scary. He is realizing that some things he is good at and some things he is not. This affects his self-esteem. He still wants to be your baby and needs attention, but doesn't want his friends to see that. He wants you to realize what a grown-up, intelligent, wise, terrific human being he is, but at the same time needs your objective opinions on important things. It is important to still show interest in your teen. Be careful not to criticize or tell him what to do. Give him the consequences of his behavior. "If you have unprotected sex, your friend will probably get pregnant, and you will have a baby to love and take care of emotionally and financially. Doing this will prevent you from going to college on your football scholarship because you will have to work full-time to pay for your new baby. Is that what you want Tom?" It is vitally important to support your child emotionally during this time. Teenagers need a lot of love. There lives are very stressful. Let them blow off steam to you about their homework. Let them talk to you about their new boyfriends. The more your children can talk to you about their lives without criticism, the better your relationship will be and the better chance you will have to help them through possibly disasterous situations. If your child refuses to speak to you about something, then simply say "thats OK Cindy, I'll be here for you when you are ready."

Help them
to solve their own problems themselves. Don't solve their problems for them. Self-esteem is a huge issue for teens, and they need to feel like they are self-sufficient. A lot of teens have attempted suicide because they truly felt that nobody cares about them. They felt alone in the world with their problems, and felt that there was no other way out. They were trapped. It is important for parents to help them realize that there is always a solution to a problem. Show them that there is a way out of their difficulties. Hug them often and go through their depression with them. If you feel helpless with your child, it is your responsibility to seek professional help as soon as possible for the entire family. "Tim, I have noticed that your grades have declined, and you are sleeping a lot more. Do you want to talk about it?" Chances are they will not want to talk to you now, but maybe a week from now they will come up to you when you are least expecting it and say, "mom, nobody picks me to be on their team in gym class."


Many problems
that arise in the teenage years are a result of the way they were raised in their younger years. If they were raised in the midst of a lot of conflict and anger, then they may act this out in their teenage years. Delinquency and criminal activity is common. Getting into fights and rebelliousness is common. Anger can be repressed and then rise up to manifest itself in various ways. They either turn it in on themselves, such as suicidal youngsters, or they lash out at others.

If there is one thing to remember about raising teens, it is that you must be very supportive. Show them that you are on their side. You are on the same team.