| Well.. lets see, since the 13th, whence I last wrote, honestly not all that much has happened. It is becoming harder and harder for me when trying to remeber the last genuinely good thing that has happened to me. You know of the problem with the guy, that is unless you havent read the previous ''getting things off my chest'', take some time now to read it.. thank you. Anyways, I am ok i guess, not too terribley sad, but at the same time not quite content either. Im kind of in the place where your caught between the two extremes and you don't really know which way you will tear first.. the stress, even though it was hard to tell myself, is building up again, thats normal around this time of year.. right before Thanksgiving and then again at Christmas. My job has been workng out, it is amazing at taking away all thought of the whole guy situation. By the way, I can't fucking stand it anymore.. I actually thought the whole thing would work out in my favor.. how does someone just stop having feelings for someone..? Can anyone tell me..? I asked him what was wrong with me.. he said nothing, i accept that.. i actually have some amount of self-asteem lately, isnt it amazing?? but what the fuck is the problem then??? AHHHHHH i need to hit something.. and what pisses me off is that i had him once.. grr.. damn damn penis, guys can you tell me something.. why is your penis a stronger factor than your heart?? someday your penis will be all shriveled up but your heart will still beat and GUESS WHAT THEN!?!?!? you'll be sorry you didnt listen sooner.. god i hate being this bitter, but hey, thats how it goes.. maybe it would be easier for me to get a girlfriend as apposed to a boyfriend.. but OF COURSE the only girl i like is so insanely hetersexual.. damnit... if anyone reading this can make something good happen in my life, i swear ill repay you big time!! Im so tired.. tired of thinking, tired of liking..loving.. tired of wanting.. tired of being ignored, refused, rejected..dejected.. i need something good to happen.. someone to love me back.. *sigh* maybe it just was not meant to be.. and dispite the fact that my heart completely abides by that way of life, i want something to happen that i have a feeling wont.. deep down inside me, somewhere i know that the whole situation with the guy will not occur.. fate pisses me off sometimes.. i want to much to be loved and i fear that it will always be just beyond my reach.. grr.. ill write more in a little while.. |
