"Hey darling, you know whatsisname,
Who lives down whatsis road?
The chap who has the big fat wife,
Who looks just like a toad?

"I’m sure you know just who I mean,,
His business just went flop;
Or maybe he’s a bricklayer,
Or perhaps the local cop.

"I think he drives a great big car,
A Jaguar, or a Ford;
His daughter married that foreign bloke,
And now they live abroad.

"He used to play a lot of sport,
I think that he played cricket,
But never made the better grade,
Cause he never took a wicket.

"Aw, c’mon love, remember,
In that big stock market crash;
He knew that it was coming,
So he buried all his cash?

"And surely you remember that
He always played the fool;
And was caned by the old headmaster,
When we knew him at school.

"His sister was a cutie,
She had a great big chest,
She got pregnant at just 13,
And they sent her way out west.

"Well, I dunno, I really don’t,
And I think it’s rather sad;
That at eighty-two years old,
Your memory is so bad.

"This 'Oldtimers' disease isn’t funny
It really is a pain;
If I can remember what I wanted to say,
Then I’ll tell you tomorrow again."