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Our Founder and Eddyter in Chief, Herman H. Fly AKA OL'DIRTY SHIRT (please don't fergit t' put th' "R" in Dirtyshirt) |
AND RACE TRACK SCRATCH SHEET
WE PRINT ALL TH' NOOZE THET'S FIT T' PRINT ....
EN SUM THET AIN'T
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Our Founder and Eddyter in Chief, Herman H. Fly AKA OL'DIRTY SHIRT (please don't fergit t' put th' "R" in Dirtyshirt) |
| THIS SITE SPONSORED BY.....
HERMAN H. FLY ENTERPRISES, ICU |
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WHY EM AH DEWING THIS SITE?
REED THIS HERE STUFF
(muh werds eddyed by muh kids skool teecher)
(She iz a edjucated yankee)
| Have you ever been traveling across country and as you stopped in some small rural town you picked up the local news paper? As you read the important news of the day you can't help but notice something. "This ain't exactly the same stuff you find in the New York Times." Where are all the reports of mugging, assaults and hideous murders? Where are the blaring headlines announcing, "President Prepares to send troops to war in Timbuktu?" You turn the paper inside out looking for the news that will help you to continue to feel all the social stresses you are so used to. MY GOD!!! Look at this headline. "Grand jury indicts fire chief for misuse of fire department equipment." You read on to see what all the fuss is about. Come to find out the criminal charges against the chief stem from his moonlighting job as a "Honey Dipper" and he was using the fire truck to pump out cesspools in his spare time. As a big time city slicker you may find this activity amusing but trust me, in Greasy Corner that is a no no. The town Judge owns the Honey Dipping concession and he don't like competition. OK, so you folks in New York had the World Trade Center Bombing. Big deal! You got world wide attention and a spot on the evening news with Dan Rather. The very first bombing of a public building actually happened in Greasy Corner. But did reporters from all over the world show up to report this act of civil disobedience? Nope! In fact neither did the sheriff, which is why his re-election is now in doubt as his trial for dereliction of duty is about to begin shortly. Ol' Silas Fencehanger, the city manager, had to do his own investigation to find the delinquents who threw the cherry bomb in the outhouse down in the city park and blew it all over town because the sheriff was off on a fishing trip with some loose woman who just happened to be the judges wife.
Anyway, you get the point. It doesn't matter whether you come from a small town or a big city, there is always news to report. As a service to those of you who live in the big cities and get tired of reading the same old serious world threatening stuff day in and day out we have decided to bring you the news from a typical American small town. The Greasy Corner Heritage Gazette is published once a week (more or less....mostly less) It chronicles the daily lives and the trials and tribulations of the folks down in Greasy Corner USA.* Before we begin allow me to give you a little background about the town and some of the settings. Greasy Corner has a human population of about 250 folks, 500 cattle, Lord knows how many pigs, sheep, chickens and other farm critters. The main industry is the "One Size Fits All" Bloomer factory, the "Rise en Shine" Flour mill and several small cottage industries that are advertised in the local phone book under the heading of "Liquid Corn Products". It is served by one main highway consisting of two lanes,unless there is a cow standing in the road, in which case it then becomes a one lane road. There is one airport which is the home base of "Flying Jacks Crop Dusting, Airline and Shoe Repair Company" and it is served by one railroad line which changes it's name often depending on the name on the side of what ever train passes through town that day. The town is incorporated which means it has it's own mayor and police department as well as a public utilities commission responsible for garbage pickup, the sewer system and outhouse certification permits and inspections. Elections are held annually to decide who holds these offices. The town also has a volunteer Fire Company. The official town newspaper is the Greasy Corner Heritage Gazette and it offices are located on the roof of the town water tower so the publisher, Herman H. Fly, can see everything that is going on in town all the time. From this vantage point he can act as the air traffic controller for the airport, waving to the plane as it passes by and also give up to the minute traffic reports. The only problem is, he doesn't have a phone up there to call the trouble spots into the local radio station, WORM, and by the time the paper gets out the following week to report it, it doesn't really matter anymore. NOW! ON WITH THE NEWS There are two ways to read the news from Greasy corner. We have it presented in the Yankee language and for you bilingual folks it also comes in "Southernese"
Y'all bookmark this here site rat now so's yew kin come back agin next week We need foreign correspondances from other towns........yew got sum nooze t' r'port? send it t' th' eddyter. In the subject column put correspondant en we will report it with yer name and town hooked to it. (jes send in yankee language, we will translate into stuff country folks kin reed.) no adult materials pleeze......muh wife will skin me alive if'n ah git caught with that.
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All materials, literary and other wise found on these pages are published and copyrighted and may not be copy and republished for any reason without the written consent of the author and creator. All rights reserved. All names, places and incidents found in this publication are fiction. Any references to names of real people found in these pages are coincidental.
Douglas Burdette, creator
