In tenth grade, when I was in fifth hour lunch, there was a lunch monitor I dubbed "Ahem Guy." He always used to patrol the area where I sat, talking to other teachers near the garbage can, where they congregated like flies. I first noticed him when, one day, I heard him coughing harshly. About every minute, he went, "Ahem! Ahem!" He sounded as if he were nearly hacking up a lung! That was the day I dubbed him, "Ahem Guy."
Granted, I never had a "crush" on him...He was not all that attractive. I simply found his frequent coughing fascinating. A few weeks went by, and then came Winter Break in February. A few days after returning, I noticed the absence of "Ahem Guy." I realized that I could barely even remember what he looked like! This upset me a great deal because I pride myself on my great memory.
Then I noticed there was some "Other Guy" who looked similar to "Ahem Guy." As a matter of fact, for a time I believed the two men were one and the same. However, I soon realized my blunder and came to the conclusion that they were different entities. I decided that once and for all, I would remember what "Ahem Guy" looked like and record it for future reference. I drew a very detailed portrait on the back of an old geometry homework quiz. I then dubbed the other guy "Other Guy." I gradually grew to accept "Other Guy," even though he would never take the place of "Ahem Guy" in my heart. I watched him carefully for the remainder of the year, particularly his green shoes. I have since discovered the identity of "Other Guy" but will not tell the world because I respect his privacy.
It's been over a year now, but I will never forget these two guys. I still wonder sometimes, though, whatever happened to "Ahem Guy." It's almost as if he vanished into thin air! I have many hypotheses as to what happened to him. My best one is that "Ahem Guy" was abducted by aliens. For some reason the extraterrestrials wanted him and sent "Other Guy" in his place. They figured that everyone else in school would think "Other Guy" was "Ahem Guy." They are not quite as observant as I. I think I am the only one in my school who knows the truth. Now you share my knowledge. |
