NYPD Blue Fanfiction
Vicki's Fanfic
Connie: (Thinking to herself) Oh, my God. What
did I just do? I have to make sure she’s ok.
Jennifer: Megan? Are you home or at Chloe’s?
You are never gonna believe the day I just had. Shit! Never mind here comes my
mom and dad. I’ll call you later. Yes, I promise.
Mom: Where have you been?
Jennifer: Out.
Dad: You had us worried sick. You know your not
to be out on a school night.
Jennifer: (With attitude) I went out for a walk,
ok? What’s the big deal? I wasn’t out getting high if that’s what you want
to know.
Mom: Jennifer, please.
Jennifer: (With more attitude) Get off my back
for Christ sake!! (Slamming the door behind her)
Mom: Do you think she heard us?
Dad: I don’t know.
Mom: You don’t think she went to see her, do
you?
Dad: God, I hope not.
Connie: (To herself) Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh,
my God. What have I done? I walk into this girl’s life and send her ass over
teacups. I’ve shattered her family. I never ment to do this.
Connie: (To herself) Son of a bitch, he was
right. He said this would happen. Son of a bitch.
Connie: How arrogant of me to think I was in
control. That I could handle this. People have been crushed, innocents hurt all
from me being so selfish.
She starts the car and drives away. She has no
idea where she is going, but a better idea of where she will end up. She sat
outside his apartment finishing her Coke and waiting for the bedroom light to go
out. She knows this is where she should be. He had known something like this
would happen. She knows he would never throw it back in her face. He would
simply be there for her. No questions asked. No judgements made. In him she
recognized a sincere and honest man. Sometimes things can’t be explained in
simple words about certain relationships. The light goes out as she gets out of
the car. When it rains, it pours on that heart of hers. So she takes this storm
to him.
Andy: (To himself) Was she stalking the kid? How
long had she been doing that? How did she know where the kid would be at that
time? What did the father have to say to her tonight?
And: Come on Theo, dinner is ready.
Andy: So, what’s for homework tonight?
Theo: Not much, I just have to color some pages
for math.
Andy: Good.
Theo: Not for me.
Andy: I ment good, only one thing to do.
Theo: I guess.
Andy: Finish up and we’ll get started.
Theo: Then TV?
Andy: We’ll see.
Andy: (Thinking to himself) I’ll wait till
Theo is down for the night. That way we won’t be interrupted. I don’t think
I can solve her problem, but I can listen.
Connie: (Crying) I screwed up so bad.
Andy: It’s alright.
Connie: (Coming into the apartment) How could I do that…..
Do that to that little girl, Andy?
Andy: (Hugging her) It’s gonna be ok.
Connie: (Sobbing) What’d I do?
Andy: (Hugging the back of her head) It’s
alright.
Andy(Thinking to himself) Hold on to me and let
me comfort you. Hold on to me and let me help.
Connie: (Through her sobs) Andy, ….. You were
right…I …I
Andy: Shhh…it’s alright.
Connie: I…I…didn’t know…where to go.
Andy: Your right were you need to be right now.
Andy: (Taking a half step back from her and
thinking to himself) This is worse than I thought. What a mess this is.
Andy: (Thinking to himself) A guy could get lost
in those baby blues.
Andy(To himself) What do I say? What do I do?
(Rubbing his head) Come on think. You can’t hide in here all night.
Connie: (To herself) I wish this nausea would
pass. I just need to rest for a bit. How could I have been so careless? A safe
dangling over my head, more like a ten tun of bricks. How could he have known? I
should have listened to him. But I decided to do things my own way. I can
handle this…..Famous last words. Yeah, oh by the way, those words didn’t
come back to slap me in the face much, huh? Every decision brings a price and
sometimes that price is heartache. Now here I am, a trainwreck, lying on his
couch. What I need right now is his strength and his help.
Connie: Thanks.
Andy: Sure.
Connie: (Looking around the apartment) How’s
Theo?
Andy (Taking that as an opening) Good. And you?
How are you?
Connie: ( Looking at Andy) Better, now.
Andy: (Hoping he’s not moving too fast) What
happened tonight?
Connie: It wasn’t just tonight Andy. It’s 15
years leading up to tonight. Only I always thought the outcome would be
different.
Andy: How so?
Connie: I don’t know. A little fairy tailish
with a little reality mixed in. Certainly not what happened today, that’s for
sure.
Andy: What happened?
Connie: That guy who came in at the end of the
day was her father.
Andy: The one you took to the coffee room?
Connie: Right. He told me he knows who I am.
Andy: How’d he know that?
Connie: Back when I contacted the adoption
agency about Jennifer, the agency contacted her father to see if it was ok to
give me information. He tells me tonight, he took the opportunity to find out
about me. That’s how he knew who I was. Then he tells me he won’t tell
Jennifer who I am if I stay away. If I don’t, he’ll get a restraining order
on me.
Connie: As I am leaving tonight, Jennifer shows
up at the house.
Andy: You didn’t tell her who you are?
Connie: She already knew. She overheard her
parents fighting. So we go to the coffee shop. She tells me she wants to get to
know me and come see me sometime.
Andy: Oh, boy.
Connie: I told her no. I apologized for getting
involved and I made a huge mistake by doing it the way that I did. I just told
her the truth. I was afraid she was heading down the wrong path. She asked if
that’s why I busted her today, for smoking pot. I told her I got scared by the
way she was acting out and at 15 you’re not bullet proof. That’s how I ended
up pregnant.. When she left, she was so angry. I followed her home.
Andy: Connie….
Connie: She took a cab. I drove over to her
house just to make sure she got home. I waited for her…..I didn’t say
anything to her. She had a blowout with her parents out front of the house.
Andy: How bad?
Connie: A pretty good one. But it made me see
what s jackass I’ve been. Where did I get the idea that I could waltz into
this girl’s life and everything and everyone would be fine?
Andy: Probably floating down that river in
Africa we’ve all been on….denial.
Connie: My meltdown tonight wasn’t because I
can’t see her again, it’s because I know how bad I screwed up. I may have
had a chance to be with her, and I screwed up. She’ll never know how much I
love her.
Connie: My life, such as it is to this point,
has never been an easy one. Growing up in Saratoga Springs, with my dad being
chief of police and everyone knowing who you are made being a teenager just that
much harder. It didn’t help he brought his work home with him most nights. All
I ever wanted was to be his daughter, his little girl, and not a suspect. I know
now he was just being a parent who happened to be a cop. But being 15 and
knowing everything there is to know, I didn’t see it that way. I thought my
purpose in life was to piss him off every chance I got.
Andy: You were just being a kid.
Connie: When I turned 15, the shit hit the fan.
Andy: As with most 15 year olds.
Connie: ( She smiles softly) I shot up in
height. I developed fast, if you can understand. (She gestured to her breast) I
looked older than 15.
Andy: I get the gist.
Connie: I started getting the attention of older
guys. It was fun at first. I got to go to all the cool parties and stuff like
that. And naturally at these parties there was alcohol and sometimes drugs. (She
pauses and takes a deep breath) The night I got pregnant was the first time I
ever had sex.
Andy: Connie, are you sure…
Connie: (Finishing his sentence) I want to be
telling you this story. Yes Andy, I do. (Another deep breathe) I was drunk and
high as was the guy I was with. We found an empty room and had sex. I won’t
say we made love, because it was the complete opposite of that. It was sex. I
was aware enough to make sure he was using a condom. It was over before I knew
what happened. I must have passed out soon after, because the next thing I knew,
I feel him on me again. This time, he wasn’t using a condom.
Andy: Jerk.
Connie: Yeah, that’s one word for him. Anyway,
when I didn’t get my period the next month I told myself it was nerves. Then
when the next month came and no period, I was in complete denial. By the third
month, it was too late to do anything. I tried to hide it, but I couldn’t, so
I told my mom. She was shocked and disappointed. I asked her not to tell my dad,
but she did. He sent me to a halfway house here in the city. They told everyone
back home I went to live with and elderly aunt who needed help. Soon after I
arrived at the halfway house, a representative from an adoption agency showed up
with my parents and some paper for me to sign. I did what I was told and signed
the papers. She was born in June.
Connie: After she was born, I did get to see and
hold her. Shortly thereafter, they came in and told me it was time. I just
wanted one last look at her. They told me it was too late to change my mind.
Andy, she was so beautiful. Then she was gone. She was gone out of my life. For
day’s I walked around just holding my stomach. But she was gone.
Andy: I’m sorry.
Connie: (With tears falling down her face)
Things were a bit hazy for the next few weeks or so. I came home in the fall and
went back to school. Life went on as normal in the McDowell household. I
alienated myself from my parents for the longest time. Eventually, I came to
understand it was for the best, for the sake of the child. I was way too young
and immature. Time passed. I finished high school and went on to college to
study law enforcement. I moved down here to the city and got myself settled.
(She pauses to take a deep breath) I would see her every now and then.
Connie: I would see her in my dreams. We’d
smile. That smile couldn’t be brighter. We laugh and play and run and dance
together. I’d kiss her and tell her things. Then I’d wake up. When I was
awake, I’d wonder about her. Did she play with Barbie’s? Did she play
dress-up? Was she a tomboy like I was? Was she happy and well taken care of?
What type of homelife was she having?
Andy: All natural thoughts.
Connie: I finally got the nerve to look her up.
I found her. When I first laid eyes on her I thought it funny, when she smiled I
saw a little glimmer of mischievousness in her eyes. On her chin, there was a
tiny hint of a dimple, like my dad had. She interrupts my thoughts everyday.
Every year gets harder. All I wanted was to be someone she could learn from,
someone she could run to when she gets to feeling alone.
Andy: Connie, you gave her life. All these hopes
and dreams, they’re only put on hold.
Connie: Don’t we deserve to at least know each
other? My heart is raw….it’s a reminder of what I don’t have and maybe
never will.
Andy: Each of us has a portion,Connie. All of us
fall from time to time…its mistakes that make us.
Connie: The fear of falling is crippling to me.
Andy: We all make mistakes, especially when we
are young. When I look back on the turbulent times in my life, I realize I’ve
hurt people who are very special to me.
Connie: Who is this?
Andy: It’s my oldest son. Andy Jr.
Connie: Andy, I never knew you had another son.
Andy: He’s passed.
Connie: Oh my God Andy, I had no idea.
Andy: I was married to Katie. He’s our son. I was never a good father or husband at the time. I was drinkin’ rather regularly then. Katie and I divorced when he was 15. I went about being a drunk. A few years later I got shot up pretty good. I was in a coma for a few days. When I came out of it, I decided to stop drinking.
(He sits back down in the chair) One day he
shows up at the squad and tells me he’s getting married. I hadn’t seen him
in three years. He’s 18 at this point. I go right into cop mode. Started askin’
all kinds of questions about this girl he wants to marry. He tells me she is
pregnant and wants $700 dollars to have a wedding. I tell him to take his time
about getting’ married. He tells me never mind and I got no right bein’ a
dad to him. (He closes his eyes and rubs his head) I did a little diggin’
around and found she was runnin’ a scam on him. I gave her the money and told
her to leave him alone and to get out of town. He found out about it. He called
me selfish and said he hated me. (He swallows hard, his bottom lip is quivering)
I’d rather he hate me than mess up his life. I was only lookin’ out for him.
Andy: How is it I never realized I hurt him so
bad. How do I tell him I’m sorry? I was too afraid to face him and his anger.
Andy: Time passed. I got a second chance to know
him. I was married to Sylvia then. She helped with the transition. He was with
us when Theo was born. At the time he was just on the job in Hoboken. He came to
me for advice about the job. I took him under my wing and gave him some
pointers. He had come to me. She will come to you, when she’s ready.
Connie: Andy, if you don’t mind me askin’……
Andy: (With tears running down his face) He
tried to stop a robbery with no back up or a gun. They killed him. They murdered
my son. I blamed myself for a long time. If I hadn’t been such a big shot, I
could have done better by him.
Andy: The years have aged me, they haven’t
made me wiser. I started drinkin’ again. I almost lost everythin’, my job,
my family. With help from friends and through the grace of God, I made it
through. All I have been trying to say is, you’ll get another chance.
Andy: How are you?
Connie: Better. Thanks for being here for me.
Andy: Where else would I be? You had anythin’
to eat tonight?
Connie: (Thinking over her day) No, actually not
since this morning. I was feeling a bit sick in the stomach earlier, but now I
do feel a bit hungry.
Andy: (Getting up and extending his hand to her)
Let’s go see what we can find.
Andy: One for the road?
Connie: Yeah, sounds good.
Connie: Andy, I just wanted you to know, I’ve
never been this honest or open with anyone as I have been with you tonight. You
let me take my time, just weep, you didn’t say I was wrong. You may not
understand why I did what I did, yet you never criticized; you just helped me
through. I appreciate all you did for me tonight.
Andy: I’m glad I could be here for you.
Sometimes it’s hard for me to put into words, feelings and stuff like that.
(He looks down at his mug, trying to avoid her stair) The wind isn’t always at
our back. That’s when we need an ear and a mug of coffee. Just know, tomorrow
is gonna hurt.
Connie: I hardly handled today; how do I cope
with tomorrow?
Andy: I may not be able to heal what’s hurtin’
you heart, but I’m here if need be.
Connie: Oh, man… look at the time. I better
get going.
Andy: You ok to drive? I could call a taxi for
you?
Connie: No, really, I’m good.
Andy: (Helping her with her jacket) You could
crash here tonight if you want?
Connie: No, Andy, really I’m good.
Andy: Call me when you get in.
Connie: Won’t the phone wake Theo?
Andy: I’ll turn the phone in the bedroom off
till I hear from you. I’ll sleep better knowin’ your home ok.
Connie: Ok. Goodnight and thanks again.
Andy: No problem.
Andy(To himself) What a night this was. Just
goes to show you, shit doesn’t discriminate. I’m glad she reached out.
Wasn’t that long ago, she was pullin’ my ass out of the fire. For a young
girl, she has such an old soul. Lookin’ into her eyes tonight, I could see how
bruised and battered her spirits are. I’ve had painful things happen to me and
I know what sorrow feels like, but there are always those who have been hurt
deeper that me. I hope she can get up after a night like this. The right
attitude isn’t always easy. Poor kid, she’s gone through so much. She’s a
fighter that’s obvious; she’s here to tell her story. A burden shared does
get lighter. (Taking a deep breath) Tonight was the first time in a long time I
cried for Andy Jr. Tears of memories, bringing me to those places only known to
me. I got my second chance. He’s right there in that bedroom. She’ll get
hers. She’s a good person. A good friend. Is it that hard to be good friends
with a girl when you’re a guy?
Connie: (To herself) I’m ok. Suddenly, it’s
not so big after all. Yes, I made a mistake. The world didn’t end because I
made a mistake. I can only imagine what it’s like to live his pain. How it
feels to wake up each day, trying to keep his demons at bay. He has suffered
unique pain. People have worse problems than you do, but can you ever imagine if
you were them instead of you? His insight has helped me see that, it opened my
eyes. When I looked at him tonight, I saw years of anguish written on his face.
I reached out because I sensed a friendship there. We shared a lot of skeletons
in our hearts tonight. I found myself telling him the deepest details of my
life. Things my own family and friends don’t know. And that is a good thing.
Sharing gives breathing space. Is it hard to be best friends with a guy when
you’re a girl?
Andy: Yeah?
Connie: Hey, its me.
Andy: I was getting’ worried.
Connie: I’m sorry. When I got in I just wanted
to get changed and get ready for bed.
Andy: Long day, huh?
Connie: (Smiling) Yeah, you could say that.
Andy, I just wanted to say thanks. For everything. (Taking a deep breath and
letting it out slowly) Today, when you told me to let her go before something
bad happened, I could see in your eyes you wanted to help and that you really
cared. I’m glad I reached out to you. You’re a good man, and a better
friend.
Andy: (A knot of silence stuck in his throat)
Yeah, umm…
Connie: I shed a tear today, you caught it, held
it, and helped me to realize it wasn’t so big after all.
Andy: Glad to be there. Get some rest, and
I’ll see ya in the morning.
Connie: You too. Good night.
Andy: Night.
Andy: Hey.
Connie: Hey.
Andy: Where is everyone? (Filling his mug and
sitting across from her)
Connie: Lets see, Greg and Baldwin are
recanvasing the crime scene from yesterday. Jr. called, he is having car
trouble, and he’ll be in by 9. The Lt. is meeting with the chief of D’s. And
John should be in any minute now.
Andy: What time did you get here?
Connie: Early.
Andy: Couldn’t sleep?
Connie: Not really. Does it show?
Andy: Not at all. Just a question.
Connie: Sorry.
Andy: No need to be. (Getting up to put more
cream into his coffee) Truth be known, I didn’t sleep much myself.
Connie: Seems to be going around.(She gets up
for a refill) Although, it is a comfort to know I got a friend right around the
corner.
Andy: That it is.
Connie: You said last night, its gonna be ok.
And it is. Today is ok. Thanks again for being there for me.
Andy: Never a problem.
Connie: (Whispering into his ear) One day at a
time.
Andy: (Whispering back) That’s right, cause
that’s all we get.