NYPD Blue Fanfiction

Tina's Fanfic

Letting Go 

An Episode Expansion of “Marine Life” 

Rated: PG 

At the end of Marine Life, we see the wheels in Andy’s head turning as he struggles to come to grips with another part of his grieving process over Sylvia. It’s another part of him letting go. That last scene was played so poignantly by Dennis. Andy spends the entire episode trying so desperately to have some type of control over the emotions he feels at Sylvia not being there to watch Theo grow up.  

To Theo, Connie is his mother now. That’s a lot for Andy to get his head around.

In Andy’s mind, it should have been Sylvia there. It’s moments like a school play that bring back all the pain of losing her. 

Connie is struggling to let him feel those emotions and deal with them and yet she knows he has to do that on his own. Part of her wants so desperately to ease that pain. You can see that in the way she tries to reassure him of her love with that kiss. 

I thought it might be interesting to continue the aftermath of this scene and get to the heart of the matter which is something TPTB have yet to address. And I definitely feel it needs addressed. So I wrote this scene to address it for them. 

Your VP, 

TC 

 

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Andy looked around the room. All around him he could see these seemingly happy nuclear families with a mother and father. He watched silently as Theo and Connie made their way to the cookie table together hand in hand. There they were just like so many of the other mothers with their children. 

In that moment, Andy realized how much his life had changed over the last four years. Theo had no real memories of his mother. Andy tried to keep her memory alive for him and for himself. But the realization had hit him hard tonight. To Theo, Connie was his mother. In action, word and deed. 

Connie noticed how quiet Andy had been on the ride home. He hadn’t said a word. She knew something was up. She had this feeling she couldn’t shake. Something was on Andy’s mind tonight. She knew he was thinking of Sylvia. She’d been doing her best to give him the time he needed to get comfortable with their new living arrangements and he had come a long way. 

But tonight brought back all the memories. She knew how hard this had been for him tonight. He took great care to remind Theo about his mother. And Connie was okay with that. She really was. The past few months had been difficult to say the least. It had taken some time to make this transition but Connie felt as though they were finally becoming a real family. 

She knew Andy loved her and she knew Theo did too. It was just so hard for Andy sometimes. Theo had readily accepted her love. Sometimes she felt the disbelief in Andy’s heart. He didn’t want to believe in this second chance. He doubted himself. She was determined to show him that life could be good again.  

They got home from the play and got the kids to bed. Andy walked out into the living room. He’d just tucked Theo in for the night and Connie had just put Michelle down. 

Connie sat there on the couch waiting for him. He went into the kitchen hoping to avoid this conversation. Connie knew this and followed him into the kitchen. “When will he ever learn?” she thought. 

“Andy, is something wrong?” 

“No...” His voice trailed off. 

“C’mon and talk to me.” And she led him back into the living room to sit down on the sofa. 

“What’s on your mind?” she asked him. “You’ve been a thousand miles away since we left the play this evening. What’s wrong?” 

“I was just thinking is all…” he replied. 

“Is this about tonight with Theo at school?’ 

“Sort of..” he seemed reluctant to tell her. 

“I thought things went well.” 

“I was just thinking about his mother. Sylvia…she’d have been so proud of him tonight. There are times when I wish she could be here to see…” his voice trailed off again. 

She took his hands in hers and very carefully said, “She is Andy…right here.” As she put her hand against his heart. “You carry her with you always and part of Theo does too.” 

“Andy…I love you and I love Theo and I will always be here for you…for both of you.” 

“I know you will.” 

“I can never replace Sylvia. I know she’ll always be a part of you and that’s OK. You loved her. I can never be her. And I don’t want to be.” 

“I know that.” 

“Then don’t be afraid to want to live again and don’t be afraid to love again. Don’t be afraid to want it all again, Andy. It’s OK to want it all.” And she kissed his forehead. “I want it all too and I want it with you.” 

He took her then in his arms and held her and then whispered silently “Connie…thank you…for being here…for making this OK…for understanding.” 

“Are we OK?? Us?” she asked him. 

“We’re good.” And then he leaned over and kissed her tenderly. 

“You’re sure you’re all right?” she asked him and he answered by putting his arms around her and pulling her close to him. He kissed the top of her head as he cuddled her in his arms. 

She laid her head on his lap and he rubbed her shoulders.  

“Yeah, I’m sure. Just stay here like this with me for awhile. Please.” 

“Andy…you have me. I’m not going anywhere.” And she reached up and kissed him gently. They melted into one another as they became caught up in the emotion and passion they felt for one another. 

God how he loved this woman. He was so lucky. He’d been given another chance to love again…to feel again…to dream again. He was lucky to have Connie McDowell in his life. 

Tomorrow he promised himself…tomorrow he’d make peace with his past. 

The End