Now that I'm older

 (but refuse to grow up) here's what I've discovered....

>>

>>

>> ONE - I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

>>

>> TWO - My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

>>

>> THREE - I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.

>>

>> FOUR - Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.

>>

>> FIVE - All reports are in, life is now officially unfair.

>>

>> SIX - If all is not lost, where is it?

>>

>> SEVEN - It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

>>

>> EIGHT - Some days you are the dog, some days you're the hydrant. 

>>

>> NINE - I wish the buck stopped here, I sure could use a few.

>>

>> TEN - Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

>>

>> ELEVEN - Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

>>

>> TWELVE - It's hard to make a come back when you haven't been anywhere.

>>

>> THIRTEEN - The only time the world beats a path to your door is when

>> you're in the bathroom.

>>

>> FOURTEEN - If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my

>> knees.

>>

>> FIFTEEN - When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide

>> to play chess?

>>

>> SIXTEEN - It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.

>>

>> SEVENTEEN - The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

>>

>> EIGHTEEN - These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the

>> hereafter...I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here

>> after.

>>

>> NINETEEN - I AM UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I HAVE MAILED THIS TO YOU BEFORE OR

>> NOT