Anything that messes with someone when they’re asleep needs to get its ass kicked. And I’m talking about vampires, bed bugs, Freddy Krueger, all of them. If you're to chicken to face someone when they are awake then all you are is a bitch!
I've never really been afraid of anything. Except for the times when you wake up in the middle of the night and find a clown with fiery red hair laying next to you stirring at you with its soulless black eyes while grinning at you with its razor sharp metal teeth. Yeah that's the only thing that I've ever really been afraid of.
It's the funniest thing, at night before I go to sleep I'll kick the covers completely off me, but when I wake-up in the morning they will be back over me. All I can figure is that it must be my guardian angel looking after me. Or maybe it's just that crazy old guy who lives in my closet.
It always a fun time to invite Dracula over to your house, and I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but a vampire can not come into your house unless he's invited at some point, so I just laugh at him as he stands on the cold door step, and continually slam the door in his face until he goes home crying. That will teach that slimy bastard!
Man, Dracula was just on my printer, and Tom decides it would be fun to shoot him with an air gun and send him flying across the room almost into my cereal. Then a little bit later Dracula attacked from the opposite side of my desk as my scream woke the all of forest lane. Damnit Dracula, if you ever try that tarantula disguise on me again, I'll knock you're block off!
Whenever my grandmother would put me to bed she'd tell me to sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite. You know, to this day I still don't understand why she worried me about those bed bugs. I mean, I have never even seen any bed bugs. I had a couple of bed bats, and bed wolves before. And I even had a hungry bed alligator. But I still have never seen any bed bugs.
Count Chocula is the only vampire I've ever seen with a tan.
This one time, when I tried to give blood, the nurse said that I couldn't because I was a vampire. So I grabbed all of their blood filled bags and ran out of there in a crazed rant. By the time they found me, I had drunk half of the blood. That's when the nurse told me she was only kidding about me being a vampire. Boy was I embarrassed.
I feel that the biggest epic battle of all time would have to be between a Ninja and a Vampire. I feel this battle would last for several days, not because both are such tough and skilled fighters, but because they are both scared little pansies because all they do is lurk around in the shadows of the night. Now when they did finally meet face to face the Ninja would win because: A) the Vampire would scream like a little girl the moment he spotted the Ninja. (Mostly because Vampires don't cast shadows and when he saw the ninja all dressed in black he would freak out and think it to be his shadow.) B) The Vampire would try his mind tricks on the Ninja, but the Ninja is highly skilled in mind concentration and would easy throw off this attack. C) The only way for the Vampire to truly win would be for him to bit the Ninja's neck. The Ninja's got swords and throwing stars for crying out load; the guy's basically a walking arsenal of such weaponry, I'm sure he's got some kind of wooden stick or something stuck somewhere. But as soon as the Vampire would lung in for the attack, in goes the Ninja's wooden fighting stick, and with a quick flash of a metal katana, off goes the Vampire's head. Not even any kind of battle or epic fight. Now if a Ninja met a Pirate, that would probably be an epic battle where of course the Pirate would win for obvious reasons.