The Ultimate Teenage
Success Guide
By:
Notes taken by: FHS’s Brenda Floyd
Who am I?
I am your constant companion. I am your greatest helper or heaviest burden. I will push you forward or drag you down to failure. I am completely at your command. Half the things you do, you might just as well turn over to me and I will be able to do them quickly and correctly.
I am easily managed-you must
merely be firm with me. Show me exactly
how you want something done and after a few lessons I will do it
automatically. I am the servant of all
great individuals, and alas, of all failures as well. Those who are great, I have made great. Those who are failures, I have made failures.
I am not a machine, though I work
with all the precision of a machine plus the intelligence of a human. You
may run me for profit or run me for ruin – it makes no difference to me.
Take me, train me, be firm with me, and I will place the world at your feet. Be easy with me and I will destroy you.
Who am I?
I am habit.
The Set-up
Get in the Habit
What You See Is What You Get
We first
make our habits,
Then our
habits make us.
English Poet
n Habit 1 Be Proactive
n Take Responsibility for your life.
n Habit 2 Begin with the End in Mind
n Define your mission and goals in life.
n Habit 3 Put First Things
First
n Prioritize, and do the most important things first.
n Habit 4 Think Win-Win
n Have an everyone-can-win attitude
n Habit 5 Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood
n Listen to people sincerely.
n Habit 6 Synergize
n Work together to achieve more.
n Habit 7 Sharpen the Saw
n Renew yourself regularly
nHabit 1 React
nHabit 2 Begin With No End in Mind
nHabit 3 Put First Things
Last
nHabit 4 Think Win-Lose
nHabit 5 Seek First to Talk, Then Pretend to Listen
nHabit 6 Don’t Cooperate
nHabit 7 Wear Yourself Out
What Are Habits?
Habits
are things we do repeatedly.
Sow a
thought,
and you reap an act;
Sow an act,
and you reap a habit;
Sow a habit,
and you reap a character;
Sow a character,
and you reap a destiny.
Samuel Smiles
The 7 Effective Habits can help you:
nGet control of your life
nImprove your relationships with your friends
nMake smarter decisions
nGet along with your parents
nOvercome addiction
nDefine your values and what matters most to you
nGet more done in less time
nIncrease your self-confidence
nBe happy
nFind balance between school, work, friends, and everything else
The way you see something, your point of view, frame
of reference, or belief.
nParadigms of self
nParadigms of others
nParadigms of life
nLife-centers
nFriends
nStuff
nBoy/Girlfriends
nSchool
nParents
nSports/hobbies
nWork
nEnemies
nHeros
nSelf
nPrinciples- The real thing
nHonesty
nService
nRespect
nGratitude
nModeration
nFairness
nIntegrity
nLoyalty
nResponsibility
Part II
The Private Victory
Starting with the Man in the Mirror
Before you’ll ever win in the
public arenas of life, you must first win private battles within yourself.
ALL CHANGE BEGINS WITH YOU!
Poor
PBA
n You cave in to peer pressure easily
n You wrestle with feelings of depression and inferiority
n You’re overly concerned with what other people think of you.
n You act arrogant to hide your insecurities.
n You self-destruct by getting heavily into drugs, pornography, vandalism
or gangs.
n You get jealous easily, especially when someone close to you succeeds.
PBA
Withdrawals nBreak
personal promises nKeep
to yourself nBeat
yourself up nBe
dishonest nWear
yourself out nNeglect
your talents
Healthy PBA
n You stand up for yourself and resist peer pressure.
n You’re not overly concerned about being popular.
n You see life as a generally positive experience.
n You trust yourself.
n Your are goal driven.
n You are happy for the successes of others.
PBA Deposits
n Keep
promises to yourself
n Do small
acts of kindness
n Be gentle
with yourself
n Be honest
n Renew
yourself
n Tap into
your talents
Habit 1:
Be
Proactive
People are just about as happy
as they make up their mind to be.
Abraham Lincoln,
16th
2 types of people
in this world
Those who take responsibility for their lives
and make it happen.
Those who BLAME and get happened to.
I am responsible for my life.
I am the captain of my life.
I can choose my attitude.
I am responsible for my own
happiness or unhappiness.
I am in the driver’s seat of my
destiny, not just a passenger.
Reactive people make choices based on
impulse.
Proactive people make choices based on
values. They think before they act. They recognize that they can’t control
everything that happens to them, but
they can control what they do about it.
I’ll try
That’s just the way I
am
There’s nothing I can
do
I have to
I can’t
You ruined my day
Proactive Language
I’ll do it
I can do better than
that
Let’s look at all our
options
I choose to
There’s gotta be a way.
I’m not going to let
your bad mood rub off on me.
Reactive People
Are easily offended
Blame others
Get angry and say
things they later regret
Whine and complain
Wait for things to
happen to them
Change only when they
have to
Are not easily
offended
Take responsibility
for their choices
Think before they act
Bounce back when
something bad happens
Always find a way to
make it happen
Focus on things they
can do something about, and don’t worry about things they can’t
We can’t control everything that happens to
us
We can only control how we respond to what
happens to us
We have the power within us to rise above
whatever may have been passed down to us
An Autobiography
in Five Short Chapters
Portia Nelson
1. I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the
sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost…I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a
way out.
2. I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the
sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the
same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to
get out.
3. I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the
sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.
4. I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the
sidewalk.
I walk around it.
5. I walk down another street.
From There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk
Take responsibility for your
life and stay away from “potholes”.
Have a “can-do” attitude.
Take Initiative to make it
happen
Think about solutions and
options
Act
Wait for something to happen to
them
Think about problems and
barriers
Are acted upon
“People are always blaming
their circumstances for what they are. I
don’t believe in circumstances. The people
who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the
circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them, make them.
George Bernard
Shaw-English Playwright
Self Awareness: I can stand apart from myself
and observe my thoughts and actions.
Conscience: I can listen to my inner voice
to know right from wrong.
Imagination: I can envision new
possibilities.
Willpower: I have the power to choose.
Habit 2 Begin with the End in Mind
Control Your Own Destiny Or Someone Else Will
nDevelop a clear picture of where you want to go with your life
nDecide what your values are
nSet your goals
nWhy?
nYou are at a critical crossroads in
your life. The paths you choose now can
affect you forever
nIf you don’t decide your own
future, someone else will decide it for you.
n The
Crossroads of life—Which paths to take?
n Do you want to go to college?
n What will your attitude toward life be?
n Should you try out for a team?
n What type of friends do you want?
n Will you join a gang?
n Who will you date?
n Will you have sex before marriage?
n Will you drink, smoke or do drugs?
n What values will you choose?
n What kind of relationship do you want to have with your family?
n What will you stand for?
n How will you contribute to your community?
Without an end of your own in mind, you are often
quick to follow anyone who is willing to lead, even into things that won’t get
you far.
The Great Discovery
Write a personal mission statement to open your eyes to what is really
important to you, and help you make decisions accordingly.
Get Started on Your
nMethod #1 The Quote Collection
nMethod #2 The Brain Dump
nMethod #3 The Retreat
nMethod #4 The Big Lazy
Go for the Goal
5 Keys to Goal Setting
nCount the cost and consider the benefits
nPut it in pen
nJust do it
nUse momentous moments
nRope up
Habit 3
Putting First Things First
The first
3 habits build on each other.
Habit # 1
says, “You are the driver, not the passenger.”
Habit #2
says, “Decide where you want to go and draw a map to get you there.
Habit #3 says, “Don’t let
roadblocks knock you off course.”
nStep 1:
Identify your big rocks
nStep 2:
Block out time for your big rocks
nStep 3:
Schedule everything else
Overcome Fear and Peer Pressure
nComfort Zone VS> nCourage Zone
Never let fear make your
decisions
Winning means rising each time
you fall
Be strong in hard moments
Overcome peer pressure
Putting first things first takes discipline.
All successful people have the habit of doing
the things failures don’t like to do.
They don’t necessarily like doing them either.
But their dislike is subordinated to the
strength of their purpose.
Part III
The Public Victory
The
Relationship Bank Account
The Stuff That Life Is Made Of
Habit 4
– Think Win-Win
Life Is an All-You-Can-Eat Buffet
Habit 5
– Seek First to Understand,
Then Be
Understood
You Have 2 Ears and 1 Mouth…Hel-lo
Habit 6
– Synergize
The “High” Way
|
How
are your relationships with… |
Lousy------------------------Excellent |
|
Your
friends? |
1 2 3 4 5 |
|
Your
siblings? |
1 2
3 4 5 |
|
Your
parents or guardians? |
1 2 3 4 5 |
|
Your
girlfriend or boyfriend? |
1 2 3 4 5 |
|
Your
teachers? |
1 2 3 4 5 |
The Relationship Bank Account
The Stuff That Life Is Made Of
nThe amount of trust and confidence you have in each relationship.
nYou have a RBA with everyone you meet.
nOnce opened, an RBA can never be closed.
nIn an RBA, deposits evaporate and withdrawals turn to stone.
nBuild RBA’s one deposit at a time.
|
RBA Deposits nKeep promises Keeping small commitments and promises is vital to building trust. nDo small acts of kindness Small acts of kindness don’t always have to be one
on one. If you ever
have something nice to say, don’t let that thought just rot, say it. nBe loyal One of the
biggest RBA deposits you can make is to be loyal to other people, not only
when they’re in your presence but more especially when they’re not present. Loyal people keep secrets Loyal people avoid gossip Loyal people stick up for others nListen Listening to someone can be one of the single
greatest deposits you can make into another’s RBA. Why?
Because most people don’t listen and furthermore, listening can heal
wounds. People need
to be listened to almost as much as they need food. nSay you’re sorry Saying you’re sorry when you yell, overreact, or
make a stupid mistake can quickly restore an overdrawn bank account. nSet clear expectations To develop trust we need to avoid sending
vague messages or implying something that is not true or not likely to
happen. Whenever you
get into a new job, relationship, or setting, you’re better off taking the
time to lay all expectations out on the table so that everyone is on the same
page. So many
withdrawals are made because one party assumes one thing and another party
assumes something else. |
RBA Withdrawals nBreak promises nKeep to yourself nGossip and break confidences nDon’t listen nBe arrogant nSet false expectations |
nBe Loyal
nGossip and rumors probably have destroyed more reputations and
relationships than every other bad habit combined.
nLoyal people keep secrets
nLoyal people avoid gossip
nLoyal people stick up for others
A Personal Challenge
Pick one important relationship in your
life that is damaged. Commit yourself to rebuilding that relationship one
deposit at a time.
Remember, it may take months to build up
what took months to tear down. But
little by little, deposit by deposit, they’ll begin to see that you are genuine
and that you really want to be friends. I
never said it would be easy, but I promise you it will be worth it.
(A past relationship with someone who
physically hurt you is most likely not worth rebuilding. That is a relationship you need to get out of
seek help talk to a counselor about and get away from. You do not deserve to be physically,
maliciously or purposely hurt or abused.)
Habit 4: Think Win-Win
Life Is an
All-You-Can-Eat Buffet
Win-Win is a belief that everyone can win. It’s both nice and tough all at once. I won’t step on you, but I won’t be your doormat either. You care about other people and you want them to succeed. But you also care about yourself, and you want to succeed as well. Win-Win is abundant. It is the belief that there’s plenty of success to go around. It’s not either you or me. It’s both of us. It’s not a matter of who gets the biggest piece of pie. There’s more than enough food for everyone. It’s an all- you-can-eat buffet!
nWin-Win
is an attitude toward life
nWin-Win
is the foundation for getting along well with other people. It begins with the belief that we are all
equal, that no one is inferior or superior to anyone else, and no one needs to
be.
What Win-Win Is Not
nWin-Lose- an attitude toward life that says the pie of
success is only so big, and if you get a big slice there is less for me.
nLose-Win- “The doormat!” One teen wrote:
“I,
for one am a big peacemaker. I would
much rather take the blame for just about anything than get into an
argument. I constantly find myself
saying I am dumb…”
nLose-Lose- “If
I’m going down, then you’re going down with me, sucker.” Revenge is also lose-lose. By getting revenge, you may think you’re
winning, but you’re really only hurting yourself.
How to Think Win-Win
nWin the
private victory first
nIt all
begins with you
nAvoid the
tumor twins
nCompetition
nComparison
Habit 5: Seek First to
Understand,
Then Be Understood
You Have Two Ears
and One Mouth…
Hel-lo!
nWhy?
nThe deepest need of the human heart is to be understood.
nEveryone wants to be respected and valued for who they are—a unique
one-of-a-kind, never-to-be-cloned individual.
Please Listen
When I ask you to listen to me
and you start giving me advice,
you have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me
and you begin to tell me why
I shouldn’t feel that way,
you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me
and you feel you have to do something
to solve my problem,
you have failed me,
strange as that may seem.
Listen! All I ask is that you listen.
Don’t talk or do—just hear me
. Five Poor Listening Styles
nSpacing out
nPretend listening
nSelective listening
nWord listening
nSelf-centered listening
nListen with your eyes, heart, and ears
nI didn’t say you had an attitude
problem.
nI didn’t
say you had an
attitude problem.
nI didn’t
say you had an attitude
problem.
nStand in their shoes
nPractice mirroring
nMimicking is:
nRepeating
words
nUsing the
same words
nCold and
indifferent
nMirroring is:
nRepeating
meaning
nUsing your
own words
nWarm and
caring
nMirroring Phrases
n“As I get it, you felt that…..”
n“So, as I see it…..”
n“I can see that you’re feeling…”
n“You feel that….”
n“So, what you’re saying is….”
Habit 6: Synergize
The “High” Way
Alone we can do so little;
together we can do so much.
Synergy is achieved when two or more people
work together to create a better solution than either could alone.
It’s not your way or my way
but a better way, a higher way.
Synergy is the reward for getting better at
living the other habits.
Synergy is:
Celebrating differences
Teamwork
Open-mindedness
Finding new and better ways
Synergy is
not:
Tolerating differences
Working independently
Thinking you’re always right
Compromise
A band is a great example
of synergy. Each band member brings his
or her strengths to the table to create something better than each could
alone. No instrument is more important
than another, just different.
Level 1: Shun Diversity
Shunners are afraid of differences
Level 2: Tolerate Diversity
Tolerators believe that everyone has the right to be different
Level 3: Celebrate Diversity
Celebrators value differences
Diversity = Creative
nWe learn differently
nWe see differently
nWe have different styles, traits, and characteristics.
Roadblocks to Celebrating Differences
Ignorance
You’re clueless
Cliques
Beware of rejecting anyone not
just like them
Prejudice
We aren’t born with prejudices.
They’re learned.
nFortunately,
the world is full of people who value diversity.
nDifferences
create the challenges in life that open the door to discovery.
Synergy is creative cooperation,
with an emphasis on the word creative.
The whole is greater than the sum of the parts.
It doesn’t just happen. It’s a process. You have to get there.
nDefine the problem or
opportunity
nTheir way
n(Seek first to understand the ideas of
others)
nMy Way
n(Seek to be understood by sharing your
ideas)
nBrainstorm
n(Create new options and ideas)
nHigh Way
n(Find the best solution)
Great teams
encompass at least 5 different types of people
Plodders
Followers
Innovators
Harmonizers
Show-offs
Part VI: Renewal
Habit 7 – Sharpen the Saw
It’s “Me Time”
Keep your personal
self, sharp so you can better deal with life.
Regularly renew and strengthen the four key dimensions of your life.
Four Key Dimensions
of life
nBody
nThe Physical Dimension
nExercise, eat
healthy, sleep well, relax
nBrain
nThe Mental Dimension
nRead, educate, write,
learn new skills
nHeart
nThe Emotional Dimension
nBuild relationships
(RBA, PBA), give service, laugh
nSoul
nThe Spiritual Dimension
nMeditate, keep a
journal, pray, take in quality media
nStrive for balance in all four areas
nBalance and moderation in all things
Caring for your body
Good sleeping habits
Physical relaxation
Good nutrition
Proper exercise
You are what you eat
nRules of thumb:
nListen to your body
nBe moderate and avoid extremes
Use it or lose it
nExercise has an amazing way of giving you a shot of energy, melting
stress away, and clearing your mind
It’s all about how you feel
nThe important thing is feeling good physically, not your appearance
I can quit whenever I want
nThe worst thing about picking up an addiction- you are no
longer in control—your addiction is.
The Refusal Skill
nAsk questions
nName the trouble
nState the consequences
nSuggest an alternative.
nTake off
nNothing in life comes easy.
Everyone has to pay the price.
nGetting a good education may be the most important price you can pay.
nDevelop brainpower through: schooling, extracurricular activities,
hobbies, jobs, and other mind-enlarging experiences.
What’s an educated
mind?
nAn educated mind can focus, synthesize, write, speak, create, analyze,
explore, imagine and so much more.
nSharpen your mind
nREAD
nFind your niche
nDon’t let school be your only form of
education
nDon’t let school get in the way of your
education
nThere is more to an education than
grades
nBecoming truly educated is more
important than grades
nDon’t sacrifice education on the altar
of sports
As you attempt to
build a brain, you must overcome three barriers:
nScreentime
nSet
guidelines
nThe Nerd Syndrome
nTake pride
in your mental abilities and the fact that you value education
nPressure
nThe stress
that results from success is more tolerable than the regret that results from
not trying your best.
nDon’t
sweat the pressure, you can deal with it
nIn the end, the key to honing your mind will be your desire to
learn. You’ve gotta
get turned on by learning. You’ve gotta pay the price.
nIf you haven’t paid the price to educate yourself so far, it’s never
too late to start.
If you can simply
learn to think well, you will have plenty of career and education options to
choose from.
Caring for Your Heart
Focus on building relationships
PBA Deposits nKeep promises to yourself nDo small acts of kindness nBe gentle with yourself nBe honest nRenew yourself nTap into your talents
RBA Deposits nKeep promises nDo small acts of kindness nBe loyal nListen nSay you’re sorry nSet clear expectations
nSEX
nThink you’re ready?
nSTD’s
nPregnancy
nAIDS
nEmotional
Doubts
nIt’s ok to
wait!!!
Struggles you are now
facing will someday become a great source of strength for you.
nMajor key to keeping your heart healthy and strong:
nLaugh
nLoosens up
the mental gears and helps us think creatively
nHelps us
cope with the difficulties of life
nConnects
us with others and counteracts feelings of alienation, a major factor in
depression and suicide
nReleases
endorphins, the brain’s natural painkillers
Learn to laugh at yourself.
nCaring For Your Soul (a very private area of your life)
nMeditate
nServe
others
nWrite in a
journal
nGo for a
walk
nRead
inspiring books
nDraw
nPray
nWrite
poetry or music
nThink
deeply
nListen to
uplifting music
nPlay a
musical instrument
nPractice a
religion
nTalk to
friends you can be yourself with
nReflect on goals or mission statement
Addictions all have 5
common characteristics
nCreate short-term pleasure
nBecome the primary focus of your life
nTemporarily eliminate pain
nGive an artificial sense of self-worth, power, control, security and
intimacy
nWorsen the problems and feelings you are trying to escape from
Kid, You’ll Move Mountains
So be sure when you
step
Step with care and
great tact
And remember that
life’s
A Great Balancing Act.
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent
guaranteed)
Kid, You’ll
Dr. Seuss from OH, THE PLACES
YOU’LL GO
YOU CAN’T MAKE FOOTPRINTS IN THE
SANDS OF TIME BY SITTING ON YOUR BUTT.
And just who wants to leave buttprints in the sands of time?