Memory 26

Author's Notes

I've thought of making this the last chapter but I've change my mind. So, the epilogue will be the next chapter. Hopefully. Thanks again. Now, the story.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Nephrite… He turned around to search for the owner of the voice. It sounded so far but yet so close that it almost touch his heart. Nephrite… The voice was calling her once again, stubbornly calling him to stop him from keep walking.

Do stop walking, Nephrite… He immediately stop taking another step when he heard the request. Don't leave us yet… Leave them? Where would he be going? He didn’t want to go anywhere but he felt he must continued his journey to…to…To where?! He didn’t know where he was going!

Nephrite… The voice was calling him again, pleading him. We need you…we want you to come back to us. He felt a current pulling him back but there was another current pulling him forward. Suddenly he felt like a ball – being kicked back and forth. The voice was very much like Serena, desperately pulling him back, bringing him back to life.

“Serena?” he called out but no reply was provided to him. “Where are you?”

* * * * * *

Serena was sweating. She was exhausted. She had tried to resurrect Nephrite but after a long time using her crystal, Nephrite had not shown any positive respond, which made her very afraid. Afraid of disappointing many people that put so much hope in her – Kunzite, Zoisite, Jadeite, Darien and especially…Lita. The images of Lita’s very disappointing look when tears rolling down her cheeks were absolutely unappealing.

She remembered when they came back from Jupiter, bringing Rei and Lita in very serious condition and a lifeless Nephrite along, Kunzite and Zoisite were dumbfound and they had been sitting next to Nephrite’s body, unwilling to accept his death. Their eyes were blank and icy as if they were on verge of crying but they were actually angry and shock. Jadeite had never left Rei. Serena knew that Jadeite wanted to be with Nephrite and Rei at the same time.

Mina and Ami were busy giving the injured guardians medical attention and were scared when they saw Lita’s condition. Her smooth and white skin was hidden beneath the dried blood and swelling bruises. Darien demanded for explanation of what had happened on Jupiter for three of guardians were down while their mission was only to bring Lita back to Earth but Serena couldn’t tell anything because she was with Nephrite all along, protecting him.

Serena sighed. Thinking while using the crystal made her tired. Her energy was draining from the result of overusing her power and if not Lita’s sake, she would be off sleeping right now. She hoped that everyone was expecting that there was chance that the resurrection failed because this was her first time bringing people back to life and with no experience in her hands, she afraid that she couldn’t do it very well.

Nephrite…Please comes back to us. Please comes back to Lita…She really needs you… Serena prayed as the Imperial Silver Crystal glowed brightly.

* * * * * *

“Nephrite,” Again he heard some one was calling him. This time the voice was clear as if it was from behind him. And it wasn’t the voice of Serena that he had heard just now. Slowly he turned around and he saw a woman with the most beautiful wavy greenish hair he had ever seen. Her glittering emerald eyes gave him a feeling of déjà vu, a feeling of craving for someone.

“Who are you?” he asked. He wanted to know who was the woman that stunning green eyes.

“I’m Clara,” the woman introduced herself. Clara? Nephrite frowned. Who in the world is Clara? Then a thought struck him. Perhaps she’ll bring me to somewhere else.

“Do you hear the sound of your friend’s voice?” she started a conversation. Nephrite was hesitated for a while and then finally decided that she could be trusted. “Yes, I did hear it.”

“Do you know where you are?” she asked again.

“Yes, I am,” he answered flatly. “I’m already dead. So what?” he sounded so bitter, so regretted.

“And do you know that your friends were trying to bring you back to life?” she asked again, carefully performing sentences because she didn’t want the already stressed man became angry.

Nephrite sighed, feeling depressed. “Lita loves me,” he said finally. He looked up and saw Clara’s face, filled with encouragement for him to continue. “Strange. I should be happy. I should be very happy. I love her too. Very much but I think that me-back-to-life thing is a mistake.”

“Why would you say that, Nephrite?” Clara’s green eyes clouded in disapproval. She wanted Nephrite to find the honor and pride of having the love that most people don’t. A love for a lifetime. Not guilt or shame that he was feeling right now.

“I want to see her happy and I really thought that I am the one who can make her happy,” he said softly. “But I when I remember the past life incident, I realize that I can’t. I had had once dead in the past life and I see her crying. It is the thing I want it not to happen most, got it?”

“No, I don’t get it. Enlighten me.”

“Love is a pleasure feeling, is a wonderful feeling but it also can be painful and when it does it makes your life miserable. You can’t do anything; you can’t feel anything expect the pain in your heart. The black hole of loneliness that is so deep and it drives you crazy. I love Lita so much to bring her into that kind of world. My life as a general isn’t a guarantee life. Someday I might leave her whether for some mission or like this,” he whispered the last word.

“I’ve already hurt her. She was crying her heart out when I was dying and it hurts me too physically and emotionally. For me Lita deserves someone whose life is a safe from anything. She doesn’t deserve a guy like me.” Nephrite closed his eyes, trying to swallow the bitterness of truth.

“I know, perhaps you are thinking that love means sacrificing everything for the love ones. But love also means selfishness and possessiveness.” Clara’s words puzzled him, so she explained more. “What would you feel if you saw Lita kissing another man?” Nephrite frowned deeply, obviously hating the images that his mind projecting. “Or someone is proposing her?” That images were far more worse that the first ones. “You would feel the possessiveness around Lita when it comes to her relationship. You think all her boyfriends were naïve or childish or uncaring or unsuitable for her. You want her all by yourself and that is selfish.” Clara stated.

“You want her and yet you are afraid of hurting her. She knows that love is a risky feeling. She knows all the sequences if she falls in love with you and yet she still admits her feeling to you. I can’t say that she is ready for everything but I am sure that she would not let those things be the barrier between her and you.” Clara said softly, trying to make the young man in front of her. She had been through what he had been through – afraid of hurting or losing the love ones. After all you can’t lose what you never have. Clara watched the handsome feature that had captured her daughter’s heart twice as he was thinking.

“Perhaps you’re right. I mean, she had already admitted her feeling to me and it is not fair for her if I left her hanging like this. I should let her know my feeling to her.” Nephrite said finally said after thinking for a while.

“Looks like you’re learning to be selfish and possessive,” Clara laughed and Nephrite smiled back her quip.

“After all…” Nephrite curved up a mischievous smile. “I would not any let any of those stupid boys touch her.”

“You should go now. Just follow the light and you’ll be back,” Clara said. It was so good talking to him, advising him just like her own son. She just hoped that he would never try to hurt Jupiter’s feeling.

“Who are you really?” Nephrite turned his head back after a few steps ahead.

“Just tell Lita my name and she‘ll tell you who I am.” With a smile on her face, Nephrite watched her started to fade away. “Tell her that I will always love her. Always.”

“I will, Clara,” Nephrite whispered as he watched the last glimpse of her disappeared slowly, feeling grateful to her for making him took this decision. “I will.”

* * * * * *

Serena was very, very tired. Ignoring Darien’s advice to take a rest for a while, she continued resurrecting Nephrite. The other guardians had given up hope that Nephrite was going to open his eyes but Serena don’t. She still had faith in him to wake up, so she still using the crystal. For Lita’s happiness, she would not give up. For Lita’s smiles, she was still standing here, trying very hard. For Lita’s life, she was ignoring her fiancé’s advice and risking her life.

“Serena, he’s gone,” Darien said softly. He was really worried about her beloved fiancé. He knew that if she overused her power, it could lead her to death and the thought of losing her scared him. “ Serena,” he tried again, this time his tone was harder than before.

“I’m not done yet,” Serena said stubbornly. And this really made Darien angry.

“We all have accepted his death!” Darien snapped that made Serena looked at him in surprised but still unwilling to stop the crystal. Looking at her soft blue eyes, made he felt guilty for snapping at her.

“Why can’t you?” he placed his hand over her hand gently, trying to make her understand that he didn’t want her to lose her life so something that obviously couldn’t work.

Serena stared at him for a long time, as if she was thinking. First she looked defeated and started to withdraw her power but then, Serena remembered something that made her shook her head hard. “No,” she whispered inaudibly but loud enough for him to hear.

“Damn it, Serena!” he said, feeling frustrated. “Stop it! It will never work! He’s gone! Why can’t you just let him go!”

“No!” Serena shook her head harder. “He’ll wake up! I know he will!”

“Why are you doing this?” Darien squeezed her hand. Seeing her like this slashed his heart. He never knew that Serena could be so damn stubborn and when she did, she was the most exasperating woman he had ever met!

“It’s for Lita,” Serena whispered softly, looking down at the lifeless body of Nephrite. “I don’t want to see her sad anymore.” Then she looked up back to face him. “So, please understand,” her eyes were swimming with tears, pleading to him.

“I…” Darien’s heart stopped abruptly when he thought he heard something. It sounded like Nephrite was groaning softly. “What it is?” Serena asked when she saw him went rigid. “I…I thought I heard Nephrite was breathing,” he answered presently but his eyes never left him.

Her heart soared excitedly as hopes bloomed. “You’re sure?” She asked giddily and turned her attention back to Nephrite. They both had forgotten the argument and now only interested in Nephrite.

Serena didn’t need for him to answer because she heard Nephrite was groaning louder. She knew that he was trying to breathe and made his lungs worked once again. Both of Darien and Serena were holding back their breath and were so still as they saw Nephrite let out a cough and another cough until his eyes were ready to be opened.

When a pair of blue eyes appeared, Serena finally released her breath and began hugging Darien happily. “Darien! Look! He’s alive!” she shouted happily. Darien looked at Nephrite. He was still amazed at the miracle that Serena had done. “He’s alive! I told you he’s alive!” Serena was laughing and crying at the same time.

She rushed out from the room and ran toward the living room, which was surrounding by sad moods to enlighten the whole group. A minute later, the sad and gloomy room abruptly changed into happy and relief moods as Darien heard the laughter burst out. The remained guardians began to fill the room to see the man who caused the foul moods just now.

When Nephrite heard the noise around him, he tiredly opened his eyes to see what was going on. As the sapphire eyes looked around, everybody when very still as if to wait him to say something. At first, Nephrite was a little blurred at what had happened that made them stared at him like he was an alien or something. When he recalled the previous incident, his death and his meeting with Clara, he knew the reason they stared at him like that.

“What a great start,” he groaned softly.

“That’s our Nephrite, all right!” The mood of depressing had disappeared as Zoisite shouted happily, Jadeite was giving Kunzite a high-five, Ami and Mina were hugging happily and Serena was crying in her fiancé’s embrace.

* * * * * *

After all the excitement and relief, Jadeite quietly went inside Rei’s room and seeing Rei already woke up didn’t surprise him. Rei was looking out the window, thinking deeply that she didn’t hear him coming in. This gave Jadeite a minute to mesmerize the graceful way she put her hand under her chin for support, or the way her lavender eyes shining, or the way her raven-black hair fell over and back softly.

She had attracted him in an easy way and in a fast way because no matter what she did, she never failed to amuse him. First, he thought it was just the feeling that he felt to other women. But when she was hurt in the last battle, he had felt the fear and worry that he had never felt to another woman before. Fear of losing her.

Now, she was awake and alive and very beautiful beneath the hot sun. A pang of longing that had threatened him for days, clutched his heart, demanding for a release. The urge of touching her was intense but he never dared to because he respected her. He needed some kind of insurance or guarantee from her, so that he wouldn’t feel insecure whenever she smiled or talked or laughed with some other woman.

Rei finally felt his presence and she quickly turned around to greet him just like other friends. “Hi, Jadeite,” she said lamely that Rei cursed herself for the stupid greeting. “Why are you here?” she asked curiously.

“I’m just visiting,” he answered.

“Oh.” He could hear the disappointment in her voice and a light of hope brightened at the corner of his heart. Maybe Rei felt the same way like he did. “I’ve heard that Serena had succeeded in bringing Nephrite back to life.”

When Jadeite mumbled out a positive answer, Rei continued talking. “I never thought that a beginner like Serena could resurrect someone. It at least take practices, you know.” Suddenly, she felt foolish for talking too much. Jadeite looked like he wasn’t very pleased by the topic of their conversation.

Rei changed her position from the window to face him, trying to look irritating for his lack of interest in the conversation. She looked at him for a long time. Short blonde hair with a pair of sea-blue eyes, which were very much like Nephrite, and reasonably tall for a man. He was everything a woman needed -gentle, handsome, rich and an annoying attitude. Knowing that she was admiring him instead of irritating, Rei quickly hid her dreamy eyes beneath the thick lashes.

“Why exactly are you here, Jadeite?” She repeated her earlier question, knowing that visiting excuse was not his real reason.

Jadeite sighed when he heard her pressing the word exactly, which mean she knew the other reason he came here. How was he supposed to tell her? That he missed her and he really needed to see her? That he really had the urge to take a peek of her because he worried about her safety? That he…he loved her? Jadeite stiffened at the truth of those words. He did love her. He had love her from the day he tasted the sweetness of her lips.

“I have a problem,” he said instead of saying those things that had crossed his mind. He needed to break it slowly, so that the raging fire of Mars didn’t burst out a rejection so quickly.

“And that is?” Rei asked. Jadeite had a problem? That was something extraordinary.

“It includes a woman,” he answered, surreptitiously looked at her reaction. If Rei ever stiffened or surprised, she hid her reactions very well because Jadeite couldn’t find any.

“Is the woman” Rei swallowed hardly. “…the woman that you said secretly special to you?” she remembered the day that Lita was missing, Jadeite had mentioned about the mysterious woman and that statement was driving her crazy with jealousy.

“Yes, she is,” Jadeite smiled.

“Why don’t you just say you like her,” Rei bit out. Jealousy began to fill her mind, her heart and her lips. “It’s not like she’s going to say no, anyway.”

“Well…” Jadeite began to defensive his special woman, immensely pleased by her jealousy. “She’s different from any woman I knew.”

Rei snorted. She knew she was acting impossible but she was eager to find fault in this woman. “How different she could be? Once she knew that you are a multi-millionaire bachelor, she couldn’t resist your offer.”

“No.” Jadeite shook his head. “She had already knew who I am but she still show no interest in me.” Jadeite put on his admiring face, which made Rei more and more irritated and jealous. “She is a short-tempered goddess. But sometime she was gentle and caring person, though she doesn’t show it much. And when she is angry, her face flushes and her eyes are blazing furiously. I never thought I would think that the women are beautiful when they are angry…” Jadeite looked directly at Rei. “Until her.”

“You really do like her, don’t you?” Rei said softly.

“No, Rei. I’m love with her,” Jadeite said, still didn’t take his eyes away from her. I’m in love with you. He added silently.

Her whole world crushed down around her when she heard his confession. Different emotions pierced through her heart, slashing and tearing it apart. She felt anger, sadness, disappointment and betrayal. All his kisses and touches are lies. He treated her like any other women in his past – used whenever he liked to and left when the woman bored him. She never meant something to him.

Tears gathered in her eyes, threatening to spill over. She didn’t want him to see her cried, so she turned back to window, hiding her pale face. For the first time, she let a man entered her heart and offering him a place in her heart but the man let her down, breaking her heart into pieces. She had let her guard down but she would be damned if he saw her crying for his phony love.

“Then you should tell her how you feel,” Rei said through her lump in her throat. “You don’t have to tell me,” she added softly.

“I have to tell you, Rei,” Jadeite said softly and somehow his answer made her angry. So angry that she forgot the tearstain on her cheek and turned around to shouted at him.

“Why in the world should you tell me about this?!” Rei shouted at him. Jadeite was a little taken aback by her outburst and the look of the tears that she had shed for him. “I’m not your mother nor your best friend! I’m not your stupid counselor either!” her chest heaved for each torture breath she took. “And I’m certainly, if you’re too dumb to see, not the woman you LOVED!!”

“Rei!” Jadeite quickly grabbed her shoulder. “Rei! Listen to me!” Jadeite waited until she calmed down. “Listen,” he whispered softly. Their faces were so closed until their breath touched each other face. “Yes, you are.”

Yes, you are… Three words that made Rei’s breath caught as she got the meaning. Those three words were the declaration of love. For her. Always for her. His kisses, his touches and his wonderful words were always for her. “Say in more proper words,” she asked softly, still unwilling to believe what she had heard.

“The special woman that I’d said to you was you. I’d always love you, Rei. From the day we shared our kisses,” he whispered as he lowered his face to touch her lips. “And I’ll always love you. Until the end of time.”

Rei surrendered herself to his hunger lips, with fresh tears fall onto her pale cheek as a sign of happiness. She never thought to love and to be loved by someone would be so wonderful. As his lips claimed his right on hers, Rei knew she had found the heaven of their love.

* * * * * *

Ami carefully wrapped a new bandage around the still unconscious Lita’s arm. The bleeding had finally stopped and the bruises were fading. Her face was much better than the first time she was brought here – dried and dripping bloods, old and new wounds and small and big bruises everywhere. Ami was wondered how Lita could endure the pains. While Ami was busy nursing Lita, Zoisite sneaked inside, intended to catch her off guard.

Zoisite looked at her, loving the way she gently wrapped the white clothe and the way her blue hair teased her cheek as she bend down. The more he looked at her soft blue eyes or her pink and inviting lips or her wavy short hair, the more he wanted her. The great hole of aching emptiness in his heart was growing every time he watched, talked and laughed with her.

Her gentleness and sweetness filled his days with meaning of life. Her intelligent words never ceased to amuse him. Her soft touches and sweet kisses drove him wild with wanting. Looking at her, made his heart soared happily. Each day, when he woke up, he had only one reason that make him wanted to enjoy the life – Ami. Having Ami beside him made him felt perfect and enough in every way. For him, Ami was everything he wanted in this world.

Suddenly his intention to surprise her had gone. He had not apologized to her for cheating in chess. It was an old story and he knew that Ami probably had forgotten that she had even played chess with him. But he must have an excuse to start a conversation with her or at least see her and the only excuse that he had in his mind was that.

“Hey Ami,” Zoisite said casually, expertly hid his feeling to her. Ami turned around in surprised. Well, I did surprise her. Zoisite thought amusedly.

“Hey Zoisite,” Ami replied. Suddenly her heart thumping fast and her face went warm. She was extremely pleased when she saw him. It was strange. She never felt this way after Greg had gone. Greg was the first boy who had touched her heart and she thought he would be the last one. Until she met Zoisite. If Greg had touched her heart, Zoisite had owned hers now and forever.

“Nursing Lita alone?” he said friendly. “Where’s Mina?”

“I don’t know,” she mumbled softly. Until now, Zoisite didn’t show any interest to her. His warm smiles and his friendly words were strangely breaking her heart. Ami wasn’t often got herself involved in love because she always thought that as a student, it wasn’t an appropriate time. And she wasn’t often to receive any rejection.

She was wildly attracted to him and yet Zoisite seemed too casual around her and too friendly. Everywhere she went, he was always there to help her as if he was pity at her. Ami hoped with all her heart that he wasn’t because it would be too humiliating if Zoisite really pity at her. A friend she could still take it but pity was one of a thing she couldn’t forgive.

“Look…um,” his voice brought her back to reality and Ami quickly turned her attention back to Lita, hiding her face. “I haven’t got the chance to say I’m sorry,” Zoisite started the conversation that he had planned earlier.

“Sorry?” Ami glance back. “What for?”

“The chess game,” he explained hastily. He was afraid if she was going to say ‘what chess game’.

Ami turned around with an accusation look plastered on her face. “Oh! Then you did cheat me!” Zoisite gave her his boyish smile that made her felt a pang of longing in her heart. “And you denied it heatedly that almost make me believe that you spoke the truth!”

“It was called ‘saving yourself from being defeated by a woman’,” Zoisite said mischievously.

“That was not very suitable name. How about ‘Cheating save you from being humiliated by a naïve woman’?” Ami suggested playfully. “That’s more appropriate!”

Zoisite laughed at her quip. She certainly had her own way of words. “Actually, Ami…” Zoisite said after his laugh subsided. “I wasn’t cheating. I just like to tease around.”

One eyebrow raised up. “You? Tease around?”

“Yeah, it’s hard to believe but true. Especially you…” Zoisite almost slapped his forehead in regret for slipping the last two words. He silently cursed himself and his careless tongue.

Ami frowned. That’s it. Zoisite thought when he looked at her sour face. She slowly dropped the scissors that she had used to cut the cloth as she thought deeply. “You don’t like me?” he heard an accusation in her voice.

“No!” he denied a little too loudly and a little too quickly. “I mean…um…of course not. Why would say such thing?” He clumsily corrected himself. Even if you slashed my chest and killed me, I will not and can not hate you, Ami.

“Well, when I was sixth grade, I usually got the highest marks of all school.” Her happy face earlier was clouded. “I have no friends and the my classmates always teases me and calling me names. I knew they hated me but I don’t know why they hated me,” she said softly.

Zoisite looked at her with different emotion battled inside. He had a very strong urge to knock every student that had teased Ami. He also wanted to hold her closed to him and loved her with every way he could to wash away the sadness in her eyes. He wanted the bright stars in her huge blue eyes, shining through her life and his. He couldn’t find the pity inside and the more he looked at her the bigger the black hole of aching loneliness became.

“I’m not teasing you because I hate you, Ami,” his soft and husky voice made her heart thumping uncontrollably but she stubbornly denied her feeling. She knew how hard it was to fall in love and lost it. Whoever said that it was better to love and lost and never to love at all probably never fall in love. It hurt like hell when you couldn’t reach the only thing you had ever wanted and yet it seemed so near.

“Then?” Ami’s voice went hoarse as she began to felt the lump in her throat. He was standing so closed to her that she could smell him. God, he smells so good. She would give up anything just to touch the broadness of his chest and his muscular arms.

“I want you to notice me,” he said softly. He did. He really wanted her to know his existence. The first time he saw her, he thought that a beautiful and delightful petite like her surely had a boyfriend, who was – his jealous mind told him – overly eager boy with sloppy kisses. And when he knew that she didn’t have any, he was extremely pleased. The only way, he could think to get her attention was to make her annoyed with him. And she had misunderstood his intention.

“Why?” She whispered persistently. Her heart demanded to know. Even though she refused to let any hope grew; a spark of hope began to melt her cold heart.

He raised his hand to her soft cheek and caressed it gently. His thumb traced her high cheekbones down to her small nose. He seemed hesitated and slightly frightened. Frightened of her rejection. He took a deep breath as he lowered his face closed to hers. Their lips were an inch apart and Ami closed her eyes.

“Because I love you, Ami,” he whispered against her lips. Her eyes opened in disbelief. His while body tensed as he waited for her rejection.

“Can you say that again?” Ami weakly asked.

“I love you, Ami,” he whispered louder. Then Ami did something that surprised him. It surprised herself too. She slid her palm up from his chest to his shoulders and went around his neck. Bringing his head closer to her, she stood on tiptoe to match his incredible height.

“I love you too,” she whispered back and offered her lips to his hungry lips. Zoisite was never this contented until he hold his love close to his heart. Lips touched and body clinging desperately to each other. Life was never this beautiful.