Learning To Trust

Lita stood up and elegantly walked to the huge and beautifully decorated stage. She could feel every eye was focused on her and she tried to look calm and collected. Today was Serena’s birthday and since they had met the wealthy brothers, the four of them had decided to throw a huge party for her. Every guardian had to make their own performance and Mina had sung a soprano song, which dazzled people in the hall, especially Kunzite.

For days, Lita had thought very hard what to perform in front of people as she had no other talent than cooking and fighting and she didn’t think that showing her fighting skill was very appropriate. So, her mind wandered back to her forgotten childhood as a slave than to a lady of Jupiter, back to be slave and then realized that she was actually a long lost and forgotten princess of Jupiter. Sometimes, she thought that her life story was almost like a fairy tale – a slave, who people always look down to, was actually a princess. Lita finally decided that she should tell a story with different characters but the same story of her life.

She smoothed the black velvet long dress with long sleeves and testing whether the microphone was working or not. With a high-pitched voice like Mina, any microphone would blast. The hall was very quiet and everybody waited with anticipation what Lita would do. As calm as she looked right now, her heart was beating fast and her palm started to sweat slightly. The spot light was directed to her and every eyes was on her. And she started.

“I’m going to tell you a story that I’ve wrote by myself. It maybe sounds a lot like fairy tale stories, but I can assure you that mine is copyrighted,” Lita joked and the audience laughed softly that her quip. She cleared her throat and took out several of full written pages.

“Every life has their own stories to tell. Some maybe dull and quiet and some maybe wild and adventurous. But the life that I want to tell you is a strange life, which lead the main character of this story into conflicts and dilemma of life. All she wanted was a happy and peaceful life, where every dream of hers comes true but instead, she was trapped into twisted and cruel life.” Lita stopped briefly before continuing.

“She was a lifetime time slave, who her master always punishing her every mistake she did – small or big. As she grew up among the cruelty and hatred of her master, she learned to be tough and to be hard feeling to anyone. For her, opening her heart, mean giving others the opportunity to hurt her physically or emotionally. Each scar and bruises she hid it carefully and each pain she kept it inside. She had never smiled to anyone for almost sixteen years. Who can blame her? She never got the chance to be loved and everyone was looking at her in disgusting way and why did she have to love anyone? So, she remained hard and quiet.” Lita dropped her eyes to the ten people who understood what she was talking. She wanted them to understand her, so that they didn’t treat her like the people on Jupiter treated her.

“Until one day, a little red-haired sixteen years old girl came to her place. Callisto was her name. A sweet and thoughtful girl had shown her the meaning of love and caring and for the first time in her life, she managed to smile and laughed and learned to enjoy the life. For her, Callisto was everything she had and she was awfully protective when everyone picking with her. Maybe the hard childhood and the terrible teen-age had made her didn’t know how to express her love to other except fighting.”

“Life go on. It has to go on. Each day was a living hell and Callisto was the only one brightened through her shadowed life. When she was hurting because of her master handiwork, Callisto was there for her, healing each wound, big or small, shallow or deep. And the girl was perfectly contented with her life…” Lita continued her stories from the day Jupiter Fortress destroyed to her new life on Silver Millenium and her first real love. The kingdom died away and she was reborn. As she dramatically told the story of her life, her mind was so absorbed into the story that she felt that she was experiencing again. She could still smell the sweet scented of her favorite spot in Royal Garden and felt the cold breeze that swept her soft hair.

Then she told them how different her life was after she had been born back. The destiny of her life was still the same – to guard the safety of her princess but the she walked into different path of life. The path where she met different people and different fate. Her identity as a princess was carefully kept because her mother old her to de so. She knew her mother only think the best of her. The memories of meeting her former master was so vivid that she could still feel the mass of fear within her. Lita knew even if she killed her master, the scar in her heart that was made by her master was still there, as a sign of remembering her master through her wonderful life. But she kept the fear inside. She didn’t tell her friends or Nephrite about the fear that still lived inside her and acted nonchalantly at what had happened.

Finally she came to the last part of her stories. “When she sat back, recalling every single thing that had happened to her, she find nothing but the amusement. She finally learned that life will be dull if no challenge came crossing the path of life. Every wound and scar had became the usual things in her life…” Lita lifted her green eyes to meet the audience that were so quiet from the beginning of her stories. Lita caught the sight of Serena wiping away a trace of tear and it startled her how much her story had effected her. Maybe she had told the story too dramatic and too carried away.

“The different between this story with fairy tale is that usually the each fairy tale story ended with the words happily ever after but in this story, she doesn’t know whether her life is going to be just like any fairy tale stories or not. But she knows that there are many possibilities that can end her happiness…” Lita dropped the pages down and stepped back as a sign she had finished her story. A first clap was to be heard from behind and then the other joined in. The clapping changed into applause and whistles rang loudly through the bursting applause. Lita had not expecting such an exaggerating response from them and when they did, her heart soared happily and her eyes misted. This was a wonderful night.

* * * * * *

Later that night when everybody else had left, each couple of the guardians sat far from each other and too absorbed into each other company. Lita tried to escape from the questioning eyes of Nephrite eyes that meant for ‘We need to talk’ from the very beginning she sat back on the chair beside him. She busied herself by collecting the dirty dishes and carried them to the huge kitchen behind the stage. Even though she wasn’t looking, she could feel the heat from his body following her closely.

“Lita, we need to talk,” Nephrite said, holding her arm tightly as soon as she put the dishes down. After she had back to her seat, she refused to meet his eyes, as if she knew that he wanted to straighten things out.

“I’m busy right now. We talk later, okay,” Lita still refused to meet her eyes. She didn’t know why, ever since they had confessed their devotion feeling to each other, she felt shy and awkward around him. She was worried that she would make a fool of him and herself and wanted to be perfect in every way so that he never ever regretted to be her.

“I’m rich enough to rent to this hall and all the food and some people to wash these dishes won’t burden my expenses very much,” he said dryly. He pulled Lita away from the dishes and pushed her to the wall, capturing her between his hands. He didn’t want her to get away again and find another excuses to stay away from him.

For a while, he couldn’t help staring down at her that looking so provocative in tight velvet dress that he had bought for her. She maybe a tall woman but for him, she still look small, innocent and breathtakingly beautiful between his well built hands. He was fighting the urge to kiss her trembling lips because he knew if he kissed her, he would not be able to stop his lips from getting any further into her inviting lips and went to another part of her body. A slight touch of hers would make his body crazy with wanting. Hell! Even the look of her did something with his body.

“What make you told the audience about what had happened to you?” He asked quietly after regaining his self-control back.

“I don’t know what else to perform,” she said. Well that was the truth. The main reason she did that was she clueless what to do. His face was so close to her that she could feel his breath onto her cheeks.

“I’ve got this kind of feeling that your intention was more than that,”

“Why are you so persistent? All I’m saying is I don’t have anything else to perform and I told them my story, okay? Now, please, I have dishes to clean.” Lita turned away. She wasn’t used people caring for her very much.

Nephrite let out a sigh. He also didn’t know why he was so persistent. Perhaps because he was worried about her so much. He had seen her so angry, so scared and so utterly sorrow and she had been through more than any of the guardians that he wished to make her happy for the rest of her life. And her last sentence of her story puzzled him too much to push aside. Lita was too mysterious for him to let it by gone. He wanted to be in her life, to be part of her and she was a little bit reluctant to trust him. Yes, she had admitted that she loved him but that wasn’t enough for him. He wanted her to trust him with her whole heart. And she brushed him away.

He sighed again and slowly withdrew his hands away from the wall, releasing her. Maybe it was the best to leave her and her thoughts alone. Taking steps backward, he turned around to exit the kitchen. “The dishes are yours,” he said shortly.

It took her a while to realize that her words had hurt him. She admitted that he made her felt wanted and important by caring her so much and she was hoping that he would fight for her. But her words that hurt him beyond belief. Lita ran to him before he could escape and wrapped her arms around his broad chest. She finally had met someone who cared for her very much and she didn’t appreciate him. The words ‘I’m sorry’ was inadequate for what she had said to him. She had hurt him so many times and she had not even say once that she was sorry. When she thought about that, her heart ached with tenderness and love for his understandable and reasonable attitude. He didn’t angry or furious or hurt so deeply that he refused to talk to her – like any other boys whom she had dated, but he was so considerate, which made Lita wondered what goods she had done in her past life that made her deserved a guy like him.

“Are you angry?” her soft words soothed his heart. A minute ago, he was angry but now he wasn’t. There was no way he could stay angry with her for a long time. She was irresistible.

“I’m not,” he answered shortly. He expected her to release him from her hug but instead she rested her cheek to his thick and soft hair. She loved the scent of his hair, so manly and wild that suited him perfectly.

“I’m sorry I said that,” she said at last after a long time being silent. “I just don’t used of having someone cares for me as much as you do. You are so different than any of those boys.” Nephrite frowned at her words. It sounded like she expecting him to be liked her former boyfriends who dated and broke up as quick as the shooting stars. She thought he was going to broke up with her soon enough when he was bored at her.

“You don’t trust me.” He stated.

Her reaction was spontaneous. Lita released him as if he was burning her and staggered back a step. She didn’t expect him to discover her fear this fast. As if he sensed her fear, Nephrite turned around. “Of course I’m not,” she forced a smile. Her lies nearly drove Nephrite on verge of yanking her down and hurt her. He didn’t want to think her as a liar and yet she lied to him countless times. And he wanted to know why.

He let out a straining sigh. “Lita, from the first day I met you, you are honest and short-tempered woman. You always said what was crossing your mind with your sharp tongue and that…” he raised his hand to caress her cheek. “…makes me wildly attracted to you.” His deep voice did something to her heart.

“But I don’t know why, lately you are the not same woman that I know and attracted you especially after our confession. It is me that makes you change?” he sounded exasperated. Lately, she seemed liked hiding everything. Whenever he tried to discover her secrets, she had run away from him. It frustrated him very much. They had confessed their feeling to each other and yet, they seemed like normal friends that had just formed their friendship. He couldn’t do anything to make her pains away because she wouldn’t let him.

It is you. Lita thought. It always had been you who make me change. Whenever she was with him, she was afraid that she would do something that displeased him. She wanted to be as sophisticated as the women he had dated. And that made her felt suffocated. She hated the way they wore that flimsy dresses that barely covered their body or the seductive way they batted their eyelashes or the breathy way they laugh that made her wanted to ask them whether they were laughing or suffocating?

Jadeite told her, that Nephrite was fond of that kind of women, who made her, wondered why the hell he chose her at the first place? Because he bored with the same type of woman and he wanted to find someone new? If that were his intention, she would kill him with both of her bare hand. All she ever wished for was he to love her for who she was. She was sick of pretending to be what she wasn’t. But now when he said that he wondered what made her changed, maybe he wanted her for what she was. Maybe he really loved her. God, she wanted to trust him like she had trusted Ken and her friends. She wanted him to be there whenever she needed him. But she didn’t want him to think her as a persuasive and a clinging person.

Seeing Lita so confused, Nephrite grabbed both of her hands with both of his hands and guided them to his chest. “Lita, look at me,” he ordered. She raised her eyes to meet him and felt the same shyness whenever she met his seductive eyes. “How can I protect you if you don’t trust me?” He pressed her palms to his chest. “How can I comfort you if you always run away from me?” Then he pulled one of her hand to his cheek. “How can I make you happy if you had those skeptical looks on you face?” He kissed her palm so tenderly. “And how can I love you if you don’t let me?” He lowered her palm and looked into her eyes meaningfully.

Lita was speechless. His words were the truth and she did run away from him. In her past, her boyfriends said all those romantic things to her and the next thing she knew, he broke up with her by saying all her flaw liked she was too tall for him or too short-tempered or too tomboyish. But she could deal with those. She always did. However, when it came to Nephrite, she was scared that he was liked any of those boys she had ever dated because she knew, she could never, ever deal with that. She could never forget him as easily as she forgot the others. Even she did, her feelings toward men would never be the same anymore. She might flirt with them but never fell into them.

Unconsciously, she curled up her palms into fists and grabbed a handful of his tuxedo. She wanted to trust him badly, but she was afraid to. She wanted to be protected by him, to be comforted and to be loved. Slowly, she pulled him to be closer to her until their noses touched. “If…” she began hesitantly. “If I trust you and let you in, would you disappoint me?”

“Lita…” he said softly.

“Answer me!” she said desperately. She knew she sounded harsh but she was so in love with him and she didn’t want to lose him. Nothing would be the same if he were gone. “Promise me you will not leave me if I let you in!” She tightened her grip as she looked up.

“Lita!” He held her wrists, trying to loosen her grip. They weren’t suffocating him but they did puzzle him. “Lita, listen to me!” He tried again and this time he succeeded because Lita had regained her composure and loosened her grip. “The thought about leaving you had never crossed my mind. How can you even thought I would leave you?” It wasn’t an accusation but a question. She was afraid of him leaving her. But why?

“Because of your background affairs,” she answered softly. Nephrite stiffened invisibly. So, the punishment of his dozens of scandals was his girlfriend was afraid to trust him. He didn’t blame her. He deserved this. Now, what was he going to stay to gain her trustiness?

“Are there anymore reason?” he asked instead. Better let her told him everything that had bothered her and then he could explain to her. Lita bit her lips and shook her head softly. He heaved deep breath and let out slowly. He lifted her and sat her down on the high marble table nearby. He was still an inch taller than she was but it didn’t concern him very much because his head was full of explanation.

“When I met those women, I felt nothing except amusement and lust. You know women in my society like to wear something that overly sexy.” He explained slowly. Lita’s eyes were innocent and vulnerable as she heard carefully to what he was saying, which made him wanted to touch her bare shoulders and feel the sanity and smoothness of her slender neck and ivory shoulders. But he controlled himself and continued. “But when I met you, I felt something different. I wanted to be closed to you, to cherish you and to make you happy in every way. You always drove me crazy with wanting and yet, I didn’t take you to bed liked I did to most women because I respected you.” He raised his hand to caress her soft cheek. “I don’t want to hurt you emotionally or physically. I just want to make you happy. And I love you for what you are. Not who you pretended to be.”

Lita reached for his hand that was resting on her cheek and kissed it softly. “Every man I’ve dated usually ended with a painful broke up. But then, I didn’t care much because I never really loved them. And when I met you and I saw you died within my arms…” her green eyes were shining with tears as she raised to meet him. “…it scares me very much to know how your absent effected me in every way. I don’t want to lose you and grieved over our broke up, wondering what have I done that drives you away from me.”

The tears threatened to spill over and Lita quickly lowered her lashes to hide them. In front of him, she felt so vulnerable. A single tear escaped and dampened her cheek. She quickly raised her hand to wipe away the tear but Nephrite forbidden it by grabbing her wrist. Surprised, she looked up.

“Don’t,” he said with the authority tone. “I promised to myself that the last time you ever going to cry alone was in the bedroom when you were injured. And now, I wouldn’t let you hide your tears again especially in front of me.” He lifted her face and lowered his face. “I’m here, right? And I promised to make you happy. Why didn’t you…” he never got the chance to finish the sentence as Lita flung her arms around his neck and buried her face in his chest and cried with all her might. She cried out everything she had ever cried for from the death of her parents to the joy of finding him.

Her body shook as Nephrite comforted her with his hands, his body and his love. He loved her too much and he would do anything to make those beautiful eyes of hers shined back and those amazing spirits of hers alive once again. Maybe she didn’t fully trust him but that was okay. Someday, she would understand that his love for her was real and she would trust him as much as he had trusted her.

When her cries subsided, he lifted her tear-streaking face and caressed her damping cheeks with his thumbs. “Tell me my Lita had returned,” he ordered softly. Lita nodded her head softly and curved up a smile that brightened up her shadowy face. He immediately crushed his lips to meet hers. When, she moved her lips over his, he knew that he had found the heaven of his life. The feeling of her soft lips on his and her soft body shyly pressed against his had brought an untold joy to his heart. He used to believe that love was a silly thing for those young girls and boys with starry eyes. But when he met Lita, everything had turned upside down. She taught him to understand someone’s feeling and to love someone. Not by words but by her love and pains.

He moved his lips to her cheek, along her fine cheekbone and reached her ear. He followed the hollows, down to her earlobe and touched her rose earring. Lita buried her hand into the thick hair on his nape and pressed his head to her ear, encouraging him to continue. He was lost in her perfume and her soft flesh. He wanted to be like this forever – in her loving arms and her soft love.

“I love you,” she whispered to his ear. He knew she did. But he wanted to hear those words again and again for rest of his life. To others, she might not be perfect or as beautiful as those models and actresses he had dated but to him, she was special in every way.

“And I love you too,” he whispered back.