Author: Tashina Sedai

Rating: um, R

Archive: What, if anyone actually wants it... MA and I suppose it'll go on my site eventually.

Warnings: really stupid, sillyfic, you have been warned.

Note: In answer to Master Ruth's challenge... I got a beach in, but I can't do orgies, I can't actually do smut either so... Other than that, it pretty much worked. Aragorn, Lanfear and Ford are 'literary' and Naath is either me, or a character invented by me, depending on your perspective Columbus is historical, and probably dead. Also, the Improbability Drive is supposed to count as an 'alien artefact' because I couldn't think of anything else. The story is exactly 500 words long. I appologise that this seems to have grown a plot at some point, oops!

"Master?"

"Yes padawan."

"Where are we?"

"A beach, somewhere."

Just then a rather odd looking man walked up carrying a towel.

"Hi"

"Hello"

"I'm Ford, and you are?"

Then a horse and rider crashed through the trees.

"Uh, this isn't Gondor is it?"

"No, but it's not Corascant either."

"Anyone seen Zaphod?"

"Who?"

"Who?"

"Who?"

"Guy with two heads."

"No"

Flash, well, not actually 'flash' since gateways just sort of appear, no noise of pyrotechnics or anything, but anyway...

"Uh, this is _not_ where I meant to be."

"Where's that?"

"Thabana, big mountain..."

"Arggghhh"

A woman fell from the sky, wearing a sari.

"Where am I, I demand to know where I am? And _what is this?" indicating the sari "One minute it's WHILST THOU BE NAE'BLISS and the next I'm here, wearing _this_"

The group on the beach looked out to sea and saw a man in a boat. When he reached the shore he looked round

"Where the hell is the Santa Maria, I just got off the damn ship."

"Uh Oh"

"What is it Ford"

"Well Uh, I think the Improbability drive broke, just a bit..."

"Just a bit Ford Prefect, just a bit!?! This is ridiculous."

"How do you know..."

"Shut up, this is all your fault."

"Please, please we need to think, perhaps we should introduce ourselves, I'm Qui-Gon Jinn, Jedi Master"

"Obi-Wan Kenobi Jedi Padawan"

"Aragorn, King of Gondor"

"Lanfear, chosen, and nearly Nae'bliss too."

"Christopher Collumbus, explorer."

"M'lisilinaath Aes Sedai, Weyrthird or Thabana, call me Naath."

"Um, Prefect, Ford Prefect."

"No, you can't have Martini."

"What?"

"Never mind."

Just then a brief shower of roses fell over the assembled party, obviously minus the thorns, what a _considerate_ Improbability Drive.

The sun was setting and the sky was dyed a brilliant red. Naath looked at the sea

"It's so nice here, I think I'll swim."

"but.."

"Mr. Columbus, I am perfectly capable of swimming without any clothing." She grinned at him.

" I'll join you."

"And me"

Soon everyone was swimming except Columbus and Lanfear, the former out of modesty the later because she didn't want to get her hair wet.

Now it is a little known fact that allthough deserts, and desert islands, have hot days, they have extremely cold nights...

Lanfear had lit a fire with the power and was huddled by it as were Columbus and Ford, carefully separated from each other, Naath had curled up with Aragorn and the two Jedi were sitting looking out to sea. Obi-Wan was fiddling with one of the roses and looking at Qui-Gon, who turned to look at his padawan then slowly bent to kiss him.

That kiss was more than Obi-Wan had ever imagined, Qui-Gon felt, and tasted wonderful.

"Master...Qui-Gon..."

"Obi-Wan" his voice husky with desire

"Master, please..."

"Force, Obi-Wan, I need you.."

When he came, Obi-Wan saw stars.

Obi-Wan woke in his own bed, it had all been a dream, then he saw the perfectly preserved rose on his table and smiled.