Marriage in the Orthodox Christian Church

by George Hawkins

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The marriage service in the Orthodox Church is a prayerful ceremony with a deep beauty. It contains much that is symbolic yet infused with meaning. Marriage itself is one of the seven most important Mysteries (or Sacraments as they are known in Western Christianity) of the Christian Church. It is where two independent people, man and woman, become one flesh, one united being. Naturally, this is not something that can be achieved overnight but is something that must be strived for, each spouse struggling to overcome pride and ego, submitting to each other – in a sense, martyring themselves for their spouse. This is reflected in the marriage ceremony in the Service of Crowning, of which more later.

A husband and wife take as a model for their family life the love of Christ for the Church, and make what can be called a “house Church” for their family – in the words of Father James Thornton, a house Church that will “endure all hardships and rigours…[leading] not only to a plentitude of all the things good and holy in this life, but more importantly to that life in the world yet to come which is filled with a goodness that is good and everlasting.” (On Christian Marriage – Fr James Thornton)

As the Church is an ark of Salvation, so is marriage seen as a way towards salvation through its inherent self-humbling, mutual assistance and uplifting. “It too is a spiritual organism whose head is Christ. It too possesses [like the Church] a single spirit, a single common faith, and a single common consciousness. It too can be an Ark of Salvation that leads to eternal life. It too is an assembly that belongs to the Lord. It too is called or summoned by God. It too may lead to that inner, spiritual transformation that brings eternal life. It too is epitomised ideally by a love that is boundlessly patient, boundlessly forgiving, and boundlessly warm and cherishing. Together, the man and woman united by God in marriage assist and uphold one another, through all the vicissitudes and sorrows and difficulties along this path of earthly life.” (ibid)

The Marriage Ceremony

The marriage ceremony in the Orthodox Church is a Divine Service, asking God’s blessing, guidance and help for the life together of the husband and wife. It is a great Mystery of the Church for which one should prepare oneself spiritually. The celebration of Marriage consists of two parts: the Betrothal and the Marriage, also called the Service of Crowning.

In ancient times, these two services took place on separate occasions, but they are now one united ceremony.

The Service of Betrothal

This service takes place in the entrance to the Church, not inside the main part of the Church building. The Groom stands on the right side facing the altar with the Bride on his left. The pair is blessed three times by the Priest and are then given lit candles which they hold until the end of the entire ceremony. The candles being symbolic of the bridal pair’s warmth of faith and their love of God.

First there are petitions by the Priest for the couple, asking that God grants them a perfect and peaceful love, children, oneness of mind, an honorable marriage and deliverance from all danger and necessity. He then prays the following: “O eternal God, who hast brought into unity those who were apart, and hast ordained for them an indissoluble bond of love, who didst bless Isaac and Rebecca, and didst make them heirs of Thy promise: Bless also these Thy servants, guide them unto every good work. For Thou art a merciful God who lovest mankind, and unto Thee we ascribe glory: to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit, now and ever unto ages of ages. Amen.”

Then the rings are exchanged. First the Priest blesses the couple with their rings three times saying “The servant of God, (name), is betrothed to the handmaid of God, (name), in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.” and vice versa. The rings are exchanged three times going from the groom’s finger to the bride’s finger, back to the groom’s, etc. The rings are worn on the ring finger of the right hand.

The exchanging of rings symbolises the voluntary union of the pair, in which “each party gives up some rights and assumes certain responsibilities.” (Bishop Alexander Mileant – The Sacrament of Marriage)

After this the Priest says two prayers, the first one remembering how Isaac became betrothed to Rebecca, and asking that the bridal pair may be joined together, establishing and making “firm their betrothal, in faith and in oneness of mind, in truth and in love.” The second prayer recalls the symbolism of rings in the Bible – the power that was given Joseph in Egypt, the glorification of Daniel, the uprightness of Tamar, the placing of the ring on the hand of the prodigal son at his return. The prayer asks God to bless the betrothed couple and that the angel of God go before them all the days of their lives.

The betrothed couple now move into the centre of the Church for the Service of Crowning and stand on a white cloth, which symbolises the moral purity that the husband and wife need to establish with each other. As they enter the Church, the Priest recites from Psalm 128: “Blessed are they that fear the Lord and walk in His ways. You shall eat of the fruit of the labour of your hands; you shall be happy and it shall be well with you. Your wife will be a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord. The Lord shall bless you from Zion! Peace be upon Israel! May you see your Children’s children!”

The Service of Crowning

The Priest now asks the bridegroom: “Do you, (name), of a good, free and unconstrained will and a firm intention to take as your wife this woman, (name), whom you see here before you?” To which the groom replies “I do, reverend father.” The Priest then asks, “Have you promised yourself to any other woman?” and the bridegroom replies, “I have not promised myself, reverend father.” Then the bride is asked the same questions.

After these questions of the betrothed pair, more petitions are raised to God on their behalf. The prayers ask that God bless the marriage as He did the marriage in Cana of Galilee, the joy of parenthood, all their petitions which are unto their salvation and deliverence from all danger and necessity.

The Priest then says the following prayers:

O God most pure, author and creator of all creatures, who didst transform the rib of our forefather Adam into a wife, because of Thy love towards mankind, and didst bless them and say to them: Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it. Thus by the union of the two, made them one flesh: Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh, and what God has joined together, let no man put asunder.

Thou didst bless Thy servant Abraham, and opening the womb of Sarah didst make him to be the father of many nations. Thou didst give Isaac to Rebecca, and didst bless her in childbirth. Thou didst join Jacob unto Rachel, and from them didst bring forth the twelve patriarchs. Thou didst unite Joseph and Asenath, giving to them Ephraim and Manasseh as the fruit of their procreation. Thou didst accept Zachariah and Elizabeth, and didst make their offspring to be the Forerunner. From the root of Jesse according to the flesh, Thou didst bud forth the ever-virgin one, and were incarnate of her for the redemption of the human race. Through Thine unutterable gift and manifold goodness, Thou didst come to Cana of Galilee, and didst bless the marriage there, to make manifest that it is Thy will that there should be lawful marriage and procreation.

Do Thou, the same all-holy Master, accept our prayers, Thy servants. As Thou were present there, be Thou also present here, with Thine invisible protection. Bless this marriage, and grant to these Thy servants, name, and name, a peaceful and long life, chastity, mutual love in the bond of peace, long-lived offspring, gratitude from their children, a crown of glory that does not fade away. Graciously grant that they may see their children's children. Preserve their bed undefiled, and give them of the dew of heaven from on high, and of the fruitfulness of the earth. Fill their houses with wheat, wine and oil and with every good thing, so that they may give in turn to those in need; and grant also to those here present with them all their petitions which are for their salvation.

For Thou art the God of mercy, and of bounties, and of love towards mankind, and unto Thee we ascribe glory: to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages and ages. Amen.

Blessed art Thou, O Lord our God, priest of mystical and undefiled marriage, and ordainer of the law of marriage of the body; preserver of immortality, and provider of the good things of life; the same Master who in the beginning didst make man and establish him as a king over creation, and didst say: "It is not good, that man should be alone upon the earth. Let us make a helper for him." Taking one of his ribs, Thou didst fashion woman; and when Adam saw her he said: "This is at last bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man." For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh; what therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder. Do Thou now also, O Master, our Lord and our God, send down The heavenly grace upon these Thy servants, name, and name ; grant that this Thy handmaiden may be subject to her husband in all things, and that this Thy servant be the head of his wife, so that they may live according to Thy will. Bless them, O Lord our God, as Thou didst bless Abraham and Sarah. Bless them, O Lord our God, as Thou didst bless Isaac and Rebecca. Bless them, O Lord our God, as Thou didst Jacob and all the patriarchs. Bless them O Lord our God, as Thou didst bless Joseph and Asenath. Bless them, O Lord our God, as Thou didst bless Moses and Zipporah. Bless them, O Lord our God, as Thou didst bless Joachim and Anna. Bless them, O Lord our God, as Thou didst bless Zachariah and Elizabeth. Preserve them, O Lord our God, as Thou didst preserve Jonah in the belly of the whale. Preserve them, O Lord our God, as Thou didst preserve the three holy children from the fire, sending down upon them dew from heaven; and let that gladness come upon them which the blessed Helen had when she found the precious cross.

Remember them, O Lord our God, as Thou didst remember Enoch, Shem, Elijah; Remember them, O Lord our God, as Thou didst remember Thy forty holy martyrs, sending down upon them crowns from heaven. Remember them, O Lord our God, and the parents who have nurtured them, for the prayers of parents make firm the foundations of houses. Remember, O Lord our God, Thy servants, the attendants of the bridal pair, who have come together in this joy. Remember, O Lord our God, Thy servant, name, and Thy handmaiden, name, and bless them. Grant them of the fruit of their bodies, godfearing children, concord of soul and body. Exalt them like the cedars of Lebanon, like a luxuriant vine.

Give them fruitfulness like unto full ears of grain; so that having sufficiency in all things, they may abound in every work that is good and acceptable unto Thee. Let them see their children's children, like olive shoots around their table; so that, finding favor in Thy sight, they may shine like the stars of heaven, in Thee our God. For unto Thee are due all glory, honor, and worship: to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages and ages. Amen.

O holy God, who had formed man from the dust, and had fashioned woman from his rib, and had joined her unto him as a helpmate, for it seemed good to Thy Majesty that man should not be alone upon the earth: Do Thou, the same Lord, extend now also, Thy hand from Thy holy dwelling place, and unite this Thy servant, name, and this Thy handmaiden, name ; for by Thee is the husband joined unto the wife. Unite them in one mind; wed them into one flesh, granting to them the fruit of the body and the procreation of godfearing children. For Thine is the majesty, and Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory: of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages and ages. Amen.

After these prayers, the husband and wife are crowned. As martyrs in Heaven receive crowns, so do the couple who have martyred themselves to each other here on Earth receive crowns. The husband and wife are blessed with the crowns and kiss them before they are put on their heads. The Priest as he crowns them says the following: “The servant of God, (name), is crowned unto the handmaiden of God, (name), in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.” and vice versa. The Priest blesses them thrice, saying “O Lord our God, crown them with glory and honour.” Thus is the most important part of the ceremony completed. As Bishop Alexander Mileant says, “The Holy Spirit descends upon the married couple and blesses them in their united life. The crowns symbolise the high status of the marital union.” (ibid)

Now comes the prokimenon, that is, a verse from the Psalms, followed by the Apostle reading and reading of the Gospel.

The prokimenon is from Psalm 21: Thou hast set upon their heads crowns of precious stones; they asked life of Thee, and Thou gavest it them.

The Epistle is of the holy Apostle Paul to the Ephesians: Eph. 5:20-33 wherin a husband and a wife are told their duties to each other – wives are to subject to their husbands, as to the Lord; husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her. They are to love their wives as their own bodies.

The Gospel reading is of St John – John 2:1-11. This is the account of the marriage at Cana in Galilee, where Jesus turned the water to wine.

The Priest then prays that as God’s presence at the marriage in Cana declared marriage honourable, may He maintain in peace and concord the newly married couple, granting them an honourable marriage, an undefiled bed, a life together in purity and enabling them to reach a ripe old age, following the commandments of God with a pure heart.

After this the Lord’s prayer is sung. Then the Priest brings the common cup, which is filled with wine to the married couple and blesses it saying, “…Bless now, with Thy spiritual blessing, this common cup, which Thou dost give to those who are now united for a community of marriage…”

The husband and wife then each drink three times from this cup, symbolic of the cup of life in which they are to participate together with all of its joys and sorrows.

The Priest then joins the husband and wife’s right hands together. Sometimes, this is done with a white sash. Holding the cross, he leads them three times around the central podium on which the Gospel book is resting. This is to symbolise that their life together must be based on Christian principles as found in the Holy Gospels. As they make their procession, the choir sings: “Rejoice, O Isaiah! For a virgin was with child, and bore a Son – Immanuel: He is both God and man; and Orient is His name; magnifying Him, we call the virgin blessed. O holy martyrs who fought the good fight and have received your crowns: entreat ye the Lord that He will have mercy on our souls. Glory to Thee O Christ our God, the Apostles’ boast, the Martyrs’ joy, whose preaching was the consubstantial Trinity.”

The crowns are then taken off. The Priest prays the groom be exalted like Abraham, blessed like Isaac and multiply like Jacob, walking in peace, righteously keeping God’s commandments. He prays the bride be exalted like Sarah, that she exult like Rebecca and multiply like Rachael, rejoicing in her husband, fulfilling the conditions of the law as is well-pleasing to God.

He then prays: “O God, our God, who didst come to Cana of Galilee, and didst bless there the marriage feast: bless also these Thy servants, who through Thy good providence now are united in wedlock. Bless there goings out and comings in. Fill their lives with good things. Receive their crowns into Thy Kingdom, preserving them spotless, blameless and without reproach, unto ages of ages.”

After all have bowed their heads to God, the following blessing is read: “May the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, the all-holy, consubstantial and life-giving Trinity, one Godhead and one Kingdom, bless you; and grant you length of days, godfearing children, prosperity in life and faith; and fill you with abundance of all earthly good things, and make you worthy to obtain the blessings of the promise; through the prayers of the holy Theotokos (Mother-of-God) and of all the saints. Amen”

After this there are some closing words and the singing of “Many Years!”

The newly-weds stand before the iconostasis and all come to exchange kisses with them.

The parents will bless the newly-weds with icons and with a special bread which the bride and groom take a big bite out of each.

In the Orthodox Church weddings can only be performed on certain days. Marriages are not permitted on the eves of Wednesdays, Fridays, Sundays and major feastdays, nor are they performed from Cheese-fare Week (the week before Great Lent) through to the end of the first week after Easter, or during the Apostles’, Dormition and Christmas fasts.

For further information, and the Service of Marriage in full, click here

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