Vanilla
(a prequel to The Conviction of Solitude)
co-written by me and Katherine

Ran could feel himself starting to drop off. Closing his eyes, he snuggled back against the couch cushions for a moment. But he couldn’t fall asleep, here on the couch. Ken would be downstairs early in the morning to get ready for his kids’ soccer game, and make an ungodly amount of noise, as usual. Sighing, he leaned forward, laying his book on the table spine up to save his place.

As he stood, he heard the back door slam. It must be Youji. Ken was asleep already, and Omi was in his room studying, or whatever he did in there. Ran supposed he'd better go see if Youji needed help up the stairs this time.

Youji was sucking down a large glass of water when Ran came into the kitchen. He drained it in record time. “Hey, Ay-an,” he drawled. “You’re up late.”

Ran rolled his eyes at the nickname. “Couldn’t sleep,” he said curtly, pushing past Youji to get his own glass.

“Aya.” Youji’s hand brushed the back of Ran’s neck.

He turned around, holding his cup defensively in front of him. Youji was standing close to him, much closer than before.

“Come upstairs with me,” Youji breathed.

“What?” Ran clenched his jaw, trying not to let the surprise show.

But then Youji kissed him. Ran tried to jerk back, but the counter prevented him. Youji’s lips were warm. The water sloshed out of his glass and soaked both of their shirts. Youji put his arms on either side of Ran, trapping him against the counter and squashing the glass in between their bodies. His lips touched Ran’s neck and he shivered despite himself.

“You’re drunk,” he said harshly, searching for his control.

“Not that drunk,” Youji whispered, his words stirring Ran’s hair.

Ran pushed at Youji’s shoulder with one hand. “Don’t touch me,” he snapped.

Youji’s tongue caressed the shell of Ran’s ear. “If you didn’t want this,” he said, “you would’ve hit me already.”

It was true. He was weak, and he longed for human contact, even though he had purposefully walled himself away. He had hardened his skin, hoping to be immune to the longing for physical touch, and the illusion of acceptance it brought, but all that armor was easily brushed aside. Except for his heart. His heart was buried in layers so deep he wasn’t sure anyone could touch it anymore.

Youji was right; he had already given in. He had given in before this even started.

Ran met Youji’s seeking lips fiercely, his hand clenching around the water glass still between them. Youji smelled like a club - cigarettes and sweat - and underneath it all was the faint hint of vanilla that always lingered on his skin. Even if he was drenched in blood, Youji always smelled like vanilla. It was his signature scent.

Youji winced as the glass dug into his ribs. He pulled away, prying it from Ran’s fingers and setting it on the counter. “Upstairs,” he said.

Stubbornly, Ran picked the water up again, sidling past Youji and heading for the stairs. He could hear Youji following. Halfway up the stairs, Youji stumbled and grabbed onto Ran’s belt for balance. He hung on even after Ran started moving again, laughing to himself. Ran gritted his teeth and dragged his giggling teammate up the last few steps.

“My room,” he flung over his shoulder as Youji exchanged his grip on Ran’s belt for a hand against the wall, still grinning.

“Don’t be so bossy,” Youji grumbled, but he followed anyway.

Setting the glass carefully on his dresser, Ran turned to face the doorway. He wasn’t nervous. He had done this sort of thing in the past, after missions with Crashers. Only Yuushi had never been drunk ... He quashed the pain of his teammates’ deaths down again and raised an eyebrow at Youji.

Youji licked his lips and began to undress. His shimmery blue button up shirt was the first to hit the floor, followed soon after by the black tank top underneath, for once not cropped. He ran his hands down his sides seductively, peeking out under lowered lashes to see if Ran was watching. The chunky belt he wore around his black low slung jeans made a dull thud as he dropped it to the floor. Toeing off his low boots, he slowly unbuttoned his pants, revealing the fact that he most definitely was not wearing underwear.

Ran stared boldly as Youji slid his jeans down over his impossibly long legs. He could feel a faint heat flush his cheeks at Youji’s wanton display of sexuality, and the answering ache in his groin.

Kicking his pants aside, Youji straightened, hands brushing over his skin, over his half hard cock, making it twitch, over his slowly hardening nipples into a languid stretch. He pulled out the tie holding his hair back, shaking it free, and put one hand on his hip. “Your turn,” he said.

Feeling nowhere as graceful as Youji had looked and painfully conscious of the blonde watching, Ran pulled his plain white t-shirt up over his head in one smooth motion. The cool air in the room poured over his bare skin, contrasting with the flush he felt. Already barefoot, he met Youji's eyes as he slipped his fingers under the waistband of his pants and underwear, slowly sliding them down over his narrow hips, stepping on the hem of the pants to pull them the rest of the way off.

Ran tried not to squirm under the scrutiny of Youji's gaze. There was a look in the green eyes Ran wasn't sure how to interpret. Lust, of course, but surely not admiration? Youji's smirk broadened to a grin, then a wide mouthed smile. Before Ran could react, Youji unsteadily lurched toward him, tackling him to the floor, their bodies twisting together in a pile of tangled limbs.

He gasped as Youji’s erection slid against his. Their lips met in a fierce, hungry kiss, almost breaking his feeble hold on the control he had left. With a growl, Ran rolled Youji off him roughly. “Bed, now,” he demanded.

“Hmmm, you’re right.” Not bothering to get up, or perhaps unable to, Youji crawled over to the bed, set in the farthest corner of the room. “The floor’s too hard to do anything really fun.”

Ran stood, appreciatively noting the curve of Youji’s ass as he pulled himself up, pushing the comforter and sheets down at the same time. He crossed the floor in a few quick strides, kneeling next to Youji on the bed, bracing himself over the taller man with one arm.

Youji wiggled his eyebrows at him. “Well, Aya, now that you’ve got me, what are you going to do with me?” He paused, lightly tracing the corded muscles of Ran’s arm. “Oh no, wait. That should probably be your line, right?” With a move that belied his inebriated state, he deftly unbalanced Ran and reversed their positions.

Ran was forced back into the bed as Youji pressed another searing kiss to his lips, bringing his hands to cup Ran's face, his fingers leaving a trail of fire in their wake as they slid around to the back of his neck and up into his hair. Ran lifted his head as Youji pulled away, trying to keep that contact. He craved touch, needed Youji to touch him, and yet loathed himself for that weakness at the same time.

Grinning down at him, Youji said simply, “I'm hungry.” He lowered his head and began to lightly nip and nibble at the skin of Ran's neck and jaw, sending electric jolts up and down his spine as Youji's lips passed over a particularly sensitive spot. Ran moaned as Youji's tongue swiped over the skin just under his ear, then arched as teeth scraped lightly over the same spot, a sigh of pleasure escaping his throat.

Youji looked up again, an extremely pleased expression on his face. He winked down at Ran, watching through heavily lidded eyes then bent back down to Ran's neck, continuing to lick and suck at the tender flesh. Waves of pleasure rolled through Ran's body as Youji coaxed a bruise to the surface. He couldn’t bring himself to care about the mark. Ran's eyes fluttered shut, his hands drifting of their own accord to Youji's bare back, alternately floating just over the surface to lightly dragging his nails over the tanned skin. Ran gasped when Youji bit down, the redhead's fingers lingering just at the base of the taller man's spine. Ran made increasing circles with his finger, feeling the shudders running through Youji's body at the stimulus.

Shifting gently away from Ran's hands, Youji warned shakily, “If you don't stop that ...” as he repositioned himself.

"You're going to do what?" Ran wanted to know, one hand going out to search for the bottle of lotion he knew was on the table next to his bed, the other resuming it's trail over Youji's back.

"I might hafta do this," Youji muttered before kissing Ran once again, taking the lotion out of his hand at the same time.

Ran tried to follow Youji, seeking those lips again when the blonde pulled away, but a hand on his chest gently pushed him back down. With the ease of long practice, Youji popped the top to the lotion and squeezed a liberal amount into his palm. “And this,” Youji said with an exaggerated wink.

Shuddering, Ran suppressed a gasp as Youji smoothed a hand over his erection. The lotion was cool at first, sending a thrill through his body. Almost unconsciously, he spread his legs, pushing his hips up into that gentle touch. Youji’s fingers trailed lower, teasing his anus, dipping just slightly inside. Never taking his eyes of Ran’s face, Youji drizzled more lotion on his fingers and slowly pushed one inside.

He clutched at Youji, wrapping his arms around the taller man and pulling him close. Youji twisted his finger, pressing up slightly and Ran’s cock throbbed in response. He felt like he was gasping for air, drinking in Youji’s vanilla scent with each mouthful.

Youji slid another finger into Ran. “I want to taste you all over,” he whispered. “I wanna lick you, bite you, I want to devour you, suck you off, make you forget yourself.”

Ran arched into Youji’s hand. Youji’s voice only added to his pleasure, dark and rich like coffee. His hands clenched into fists against Youji’s back, pulling the older man tighter against his chest. He bit his lip to keep from crying out as Youji’s slowly thrusting fingers found his prostate.

“Let me fuck you.” The request was a mere puff of air against his neck, sending shivers straight to his straining erection.

“Yes,” he gasped. He would do anything for that silky honeyed voice. Even this, even this.

Lifting Ran’s legs over his shoulders, Youji positioned himself. “Are you sure?” he asked, suddenly sober.

Ran just nodded once, a sharp movement of his head. He lost his battle then, and cried out as Youji swiftly penetrated him. They hung in that moment, Youji’s hands trembling on his body, Ran’s heart beating wildly, his breath stopped completely.

Youji broke the spell, pulling out almost completely and then filling him again. “Aya, oh, Aya,” he groaned, each syllable punctuated by a thrust of his hips. “You’re so fuckin’ hot.”

Writhing underneath Youji, lost in the abundance of touch when it had been so long, Ran barely heard him. He squeezed his eyes shut, gripping Youji’s hands on his hips hard. He could feel his orgasm building and building, threatening to overwhelm him, almost, for one glorious second, making him forget who and what he was. Almost, but not completely.

With that thought, he came, clamping down hard on Youji inside him, clenching his teeth to keep from making noise. Youji panted above him, shaking with his own impending release. Finally he groaned, pushing in deep as he buried his face in Ran’s neck. Taking a few shuddering breaths, Youji pressed his lips to the mark he had made. The answering twinge in his softening penis surprised Ran.

“Get off,” he growled, shoving at Youji’s dead weight.

Grumbling, Youji complied, rolling to the side bonelessly. “‘M tired,” he complained sleepily.

Ran eyed the sticky mess cooling on his stomach with distaste. “You can’t sleep here,” he said, pushing at Youji again. “Move, I want to get up.”

“Fine, fine,” You said, his eyes still closed. He slithered over the edge of the bed, groping for his clothes halfheartedly.

Heaving a sigh, Ran knelt, slipping his arms under Youji’s and hauling him upright. “Need help finding your room?” he asked caustically.

“No thanks, lover.”

Youji’s arms were around him before he could duck away, and he received a sloppy kiss on the cheek. He ground his teeth, resisting the urge to fling the blonde away. He didn’t want anyone touching him right now. He was disgusted with himself.

“I think I can manage,” Youji continued, yanking on his pants, but not bothering to fasten them. He gathered up the rest of his clothing in his arms. “See ya around,” he threw over his shoulder, grinning, and slipped out the door.

Snarling, Ran slammed it shut.

~*~*~*~

Ran carefully eased onto the workbench. He hoped no one noticed that he was moving a little slowly or that he didn't sit down for long periods of time. It wasn't that Youji had been rough or not prepared him enough, but it had been a long time since those particular muscles had been used in that particular way. Speaking of the blonde ...

"Where have you been?" Ran growled when Youji waltzed through the front door of the Koneko carrying two plastic bags and a smaller brown paper bag.

"Lunch!" Youji responded proudly, holding up the two bags of take out as evidence for his disappearance.

Ran rolled his eyes. Youji seemed as cheerful as ever, once the aspirin and coffee had kicked in. The night before seemed surreal in the face of such normalcy. He shifted, wincing slightly. Well, almost surreal.

"Oh, and this for next time." Youji winked as he dropped the plain paper bag on the table before sauntering away toward the kitchen with their lunch.

Raising his eyebrows, Ran peeked inside the bag. He felt his face flush. Lube. A big fat tube of lubricant. The corner of his lip curled up in a half smirk, half snarl. Next time, indeed.


Conviction of Solitude: Part 1


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