Innocence

Ran stood in the middle of the empty room, violet eyes taking in the lack of any personal belongings. The walls were bare of the posters that had covered them for years, the paint darker in patches where the decorations of a teenage girl had prevented it from fading. The pink rug and curtains were gone, boxed up along with the rest of Aya-chan’s bedding, already in transit to her dorm in America where she’d be attending a university for an undergraduate degree before pursuing Veterinary School.

His little sister had worked so hard playing catch up for the years she had missed while in a coma. Worked hard and earned the scholarship to the Tokyo International University of America in Salem, Oregon. Ran wasn’t exactly sure where that was, other than knowing it was too far away.

He’d only just gotten her back...

It seemed like only yesterday that Weiss had been able to park the trailer for good and return to the home over the flower shop they’d shared for two years. Ran had been hard pressed to keep the tears at bay when he’d finally been reunited with his sister. He knew she’d awakened, but hadn’t had any contact with her. Ran hadn’t even been sure if she knew /he/ was alive.

Three years ago Ran got his sister back, and discovered just what he had lost. He was no longer the same person his sister had known. He’d changed, irrevocably in the three years they’d been separated. So had Aya, it seemed. Three years and it seemed that they’d only begun to reconnect.

Yet Ran knew that wasn’t true. Aya had accepted everything that Ran had presented her, even that he’d killed, taken her name to remind him of what he fought for, and most surprisingly to Ran - Youji.

Aya had taken in everything Ran had to tell her and almost shrugged it off. She had said it wasn’t important. What was important was that they were together again, Aya had told him while folding him into a fierce hug. Ran had found himself fighting tears for the second time in a week.

But no matter how hard he had tried over the months that followed, Ran couldn’t go back to being the boy Aya had known. Though Kritiker had changed and Weiss was no longer a team of assassins, they still had missions, reconnaissance and investigative work. Ran found he couldn’t quite let go of the shield he’d built up around himself, of the shell he’d constructed to let him be the killer he’d become and survive it.

Aya had seemed to understand, wanting to spend time with her brother, even if he didn’t smile as often as he’d used to, or was less talkative.

And late at night, Ran would lay awake, Youji curled around him, and wonder what happened to his life, his youth. He had buried himself within a veneer of ice to protect himself from being hurt, from getting attached to someone and losing them again, like he had lost his family. He had clung to an ideal of honor to avenge his parents and his sister, to kill the man that had taken that which he had held dear from him.

With Aya awake and well, Ran suddenly questioned what he had fought for. He had justified himself for so long, but laying awake at night, with Aya sleeping across the hall, knowing she would wake up in the morning and go to class and hang out with friends made him question if he had done the right thing. Had revenge been the right thing? Killing for money?

He had moments where he looked at Aya-chan, saw her vibrant and alive, helping in the koneko or studying at the kitchen table and was almost physically sick. He had never enjoyed what he had done, but he had been good at it. In those moments, when she turned wide, smiling eyes up at him, called him ‘Ran-niichan,’ and asked if he would take her out, that Ran knew he would never get back what he had lost when he had joined Kritiker.

Except for Aya-chan. He’d lost his youth, his innocence, but he’d gotten his sister back. It was worth it, he knew, to be able to see her light up when Youji brought her a treat, or laugh at some klutzy thing that Ken did.

And when Omi had come to him, stammering and blushing and asking Ran’s permission to take Aya-chan out, and Aya had come downstairs dressed like the beautiful young lady she had become and attached herself to Omi’s arm, Ran knew without a doubt that it had been worth it. Because he knew, he had always known, that it was for her that he had done it all.

Soft steps behind him brought Ran back to the real world. He didn’t turn as arms snaked around his waist. “Her cab will be here soon,” Youji’s voice stirred his hair, the pieces that had slipped loose from the tie at the nape of his neck.

“I know,” Ran whispered, leaning back against Youji’s solid warmth.

“Ran,” Youji loosened his grip and gently turned Ran toward him. “It’s not forever. She’ll be back.”

”I know,” Ran repeated. “But it feels like I just got her back.” Ran found himself enfolded in Youji’s arms.

“You’re not losing her, Ran,” Youji said softly. “I doubt Omi would let that happen.” Ran could hear the smile in the blonde’s voice. “You have to get her go,” Youji said more seriously. “We all had to grow up so fast, become adults faster than we should have, missed out on the things that normal kids do. She needs to do this, Ran; this is her way of growing up. You have to let her go.”

“That doesn’t make it hurt any less,” Ran confessed.

“I know,” Youji whispered.

A horn sounded outside. Reluctantly, Ran pulled away from Youji and headed for the stairs, Youji close on his heels. When they reached the curb they found Omi and Aya in a tight embrace, Ken loitering nearby looking faintly amused.

The just-passed-teenagers separated after a moment, Omi pressing a small package into Aya’s hand before turning and running inside. Aya moved to go after him, but Youji stepped in to say his own goodbye.

“Let him go, sweetheart. He’ll be okay.”

Aya-chan nodded, tears glistening in her eyes. Youji wrapped his arms around her and dropped a kiss to her head. Ran couldn’t hear the words but he saw Youji’s lips move and the tentative smile that graced Aya’s face that resulted. She rose up on tiptoe to kiss the blonde on the cheek, saying just loud enough for Ran to hear “Take care of my brother, Kudou.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Youji winked, hugged her again and let her go, nodding at Ran before turning and going after Omi. Ken likewise ducked back into the house, leaving Aya and Ran standing alone on the sidewalk.

With force that made Ran grunt slightly, Aya threw herself into her brother’s arms. Automatically, his arms went around her, his cheek resting on her head.

”Ran-niichan, remember how we used to talk about the future? You were going to work to put me through nursing school, then I was going to support you when you went to college?”

“Aa,” he said, letting her go when she leaned back, tilting her head back to look up into Ran’s eyes.

“You’ve done so much more for me than that,” she said softly. “I know what you’ve sacrificed for me, niichan, and well,” her voice caught and she swiped angrily at her eyes. “I don’t want to disappoint you,” she whispered. “I don’t want to leave you again.”

“Aya,” Ran sighed, pulling her tight again. “You will never disappoint me. Work hard, be yourself, and you’ll be just fine,” he spoke wisdom he hoped was sound, wisdom he didn’t quite feel. He didn’t want to let her go either, but he knew he had to. “You want this, more than you’ve wanted anything,” he said softly. “For two years this is all you’ve talked about.” He took a deep breath. “I’m not all that far away,” he whispered. “You get to chose your path, Aya. Don’t waste it. Not for me.”

Aya drew breath to reply but Ran shushed her. “I know.” He held her out, dropped a kiss to her forehead. “You need to go,” he said softly. “You don’t want to miss your flight.”

Tears welled and spilled over, leaving glistening trails over pale cheeks. She pulled Ran into another tight hug. “I love you, Ran-niichan.”

Ran swallowed a lump in his throat. “I love you too, imouto.” He kissed her forehead again. “Be safe,” he whispered.

Aya nodded, biting her lip. She turned and walked to the cab, stopping after opening the door and looking back. Ran still stood on the sidewalk, watching as she climbed in, turning to keep the street in view as the cab drove off.

Ran continued to watch, even after the car turned the corner, well out of sight. He stood there on the sidewalk as daylight faded to twilight and Youji stepped up behind him again.

“She’ll be fine,” Youji said, nuzzling Ran’s ear.

“I know,” the redhead sighed. Aya deserved this chance, he reminded himself. He had fought for this moment, as much as he loathed it now that it had come. Aya-chan was going to get to grow up happy and with her innocence still intact. That he had sacrificed his own meant nothing, if it meant that Aya-chan would get a chance to develop a life of her own choosing.

To Ran, that meant everything had been worth it.



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