 |
 |
|
Discipline
Relationship "The deeper the relationship, the easier discipline will be." It makes sense that people who are strongly attached, and whose partners have fostered a loving, respectful, trusting relationship with them will in general be more cooperative and pleasant to be around. Understand developmental stages It is crucial to understand what is developmentally appropriate behavior for your partner/peer before taking disciplinary action. Slapping a small child's hand for playing with their food or exploring their surroundings is utterly ineffective and inappropriate unless your intention is to squash their curiosity and spirit. If you understand why your peer acts in certain way, it will make it easier to tolerate, and correct later. Prevent the situation Avoid circumstances such as criticizing, shouting, slapping etc that bring on undesirable behavior. Indiscipline comes through a sense of defense or more appropriately resistance, and it involves strong emotions. Discipline and Rules Discipline is not about following rigid rules. Rules are intended only to ensure proper proceedings of things. It is keeping things in an orderly manner and making ourselves flexible and cooperative. Keep your rules "few, firm and fair". Eliminate inappropriate situations Concentrate on what is happening and what is to be done. Probing into unnecessary areas gives more scope for arguments and increases indiscipline. Distract and Redirect About the only truly appropriate disciplinary tool for infants and toddlers, the art of redirection is invaluable. Use this frequently, it is appropriate for a variety of situations. Appreciate Pointing out the good behavior and telling them how much you appreciate it can have a very positive effect. Especially if you are working on a specific behavior, realistic praise can be a very effective. Empathize Try using language that confirms their emotions and helps them learn to communicate them to you. Saying, "You are creating trouble" is less effective and automatically puts the target person on defense. Saying "You can do it better" might get a positive and better reaction, and remember - Appreciate. Respect sentiments and emotions Teach them that it's okay to have negative emotions like anger and help her learn how to channel those emotions productively. It does her no good for you to try to stifle those emotions All human beings have negative emotions and she needs to know how to handle them appropriately. Give Choices A great technique. The more choices you can offer, the better one will tolerate the situations one has no control over. Offer food choices, clothing choices, now or later choices, toy and activity choices, etc. whenever you possibly can. Just make sure that you would be happy with either of the options you are giving. Offer help You can use this in any situation where there is only one choice... Once he/she realizes that if he/she doesn't do it by one self, he/she will be helped... you get more cooperation, this is a very effective technique. Natural Consequences Especially once children are a bit older, natural consequences are a great tool. If they won't eat, they will be hungry. If they refuse to put on their coat, you will have to cut short the play time in the back yard because it is cold. The natural consequence of not getting ready for bed might mean that there is only time for one story. Natural consequences are for situations that aren't life threatening. Obviously, letting a child learn the natural consequence of running into the street is not smart parenting. The Positive Discipline series of books by Jane Nelson, discusses natural consequences in depth. Keep it simple Long winded explanations/arguments will bore, and may be confusing or provoking. Keep it simple and straight. About taking action - Punishment When a disciplinary action has to be taken, it, essentially, has to follow a few opportunities for corrections, and a clear warning (verbal or written notice) about what would be done incase of further indiscipline. If the effect is not achieved, do what is warned. Don't make idle threats. JUST DO IT. It is important to bear in mind that the ulterior motive of punishment is correction - in a hard way, because all soft ways failed. See that you don't intensify the pain or humiliation or loss than what is required. A "good punishment", coupled with "post punishment responsibility" will surely achieve the desired effect. Punishment is a process to achieve something and once that is achieved stop the process. Appreciate and reward the positive change. Get back to "normal mode". Be friendly again. Don't continue that frown. Don't keep on threatening. Don't use punishment mechanism for purely personal benefits - it is not better than a mere blackmail. See that the expectation is reasonable and realistic. A wrong act, degree or motive of punishment could be fatal. IMPORTANT: Discipline starts with you
|
|
|||||||||
