*
* based upon the collection "Famous last words (of a roleplayer)"
*
* written for Mythos by Sir Graham 29-5-94
*
*/
Let's go in.
Let's not go in.
I follow them.
I'm hungry. I'll eat it.
I stab the dragon and tell it to get off me.
I drink the bottle marked POISON on the off-chance that it's the
extra-healing potion.
I kill it.
Let me handle this.
Whaddya mean, a pentagram only has FIVE sides?
What a useless scroll. It just says, HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR over and over
again...
I though YOU brought the food!
Why is your torch flame turning blue?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH
Trust me.
I never get lost.
"(A corridor ahead is full of brown mold) \"I cast Fireball down the hall, then
send my fire elemental to investigate.
Dammit, this thing won't die!
I bet without Mjolnir you're a real wuss.
He hit me for HOW MUCH?????
They're only kobolds!
Hey, this chest just bit me!
I try to move silently in plate armor...
I didn't find any traps!
Wonder what this button does?
Don't worry, he is probably just first level.
This 250' wall has so many holes, it should be easy to climb.
I'll just close my eyes and walk up to the dracolisk holding up my
mirror
Can I eat this green slime?
I'll just walk up to the dragon invisibly
Why is this man speaking in sign language?
This type of undead can't drain levels
I'll open the door, sneak up on him from behind and backstab him!
We are in luck! The dragon is sleeping.
That's only a statue
There is no trap on the door, so let's open it
Look, behind you!!!\" Said by a gnome(pc) to an ogre as a disliked
partymember crept up. End of the other member.\n",
I have this dungeon at home, I know where everything is!
Don't worry, the DM won't hose me
We'll untie the prisoners and lock them in the closet.
Why can't we take Clarissa (Disguised evil high priestess) with us?
How much will you give me for this idol I found (cursed)?
I'm not powerful enough, can't you just give me second level.
Don't I get the farie fire bonus on my parry.
They're wearing blue robes? They must be Druids. Roll for initiative,
suckers.\" (At which point the polymorphed Bone Devils ate him.)\n",
I see HOW MANY wights?!\" (from the crypts of Ravenloft)\n",
Don't worry, wyvern don't attack unless they're provoked.
You watch the door, I'll take out the Gas Spore (Beholder) that's guarding
the treasure.
A Nightmare, huh? I'll attack for one round and prepare to run.
I'll take off my armor so I'm silent and slip past the dragon.
" \"They need a twenty to hit me, I'm invincible\"\
n",
"(While trapped in a dungeon..) : \"Don't worry, I have a plan!!!
I bet that without Mjolnir you're a real wimp.
Who's the bitch with the spiders?
We killed all monsters on this level.
I've been here before. There are no traps in this section.
What do you mean 18 meter long crocodile--you just said crocodile.
Well..., I'll touch it again.
I attempt to disbelieve.
I cast a fireball.\" (into a 10'x10'x10' room)\n",
I know if I draw a card I'll get the VOID.
"GM: \"You're very lucky, you all don't know how lucky you are! Save or take
210 points of damage.
"GM: \"You don't get your +5 for being a dwarf, because it's special bodak
power.
It's OK, I trust her...\" ... *BOOM*\n",
Stand back you wimps. I'll kill it.\" \n",
Oops.
OK! I moon the Balrog!
My first arrow MISSED the magic-user pointing at me? OK, I shoot again!\"
\n",
Where'd that thief go now?
Trap? What trap?
You're all a bunch of wimps!! I'll prove to you myself that an entire orc
stronghold is no match for your average barbarian.
All right, we're in an unexplored dungeon in total darkness with no light
sources or infravision...Hey, I know!! Let's yell and scream a lot so we can
locate each other by sound!!
I'm going to kill our captives anyway, and I don't give a damn whether the
other goody-good PC's like it or not.
Y'know, since our druid's been so obnoxious, it would probably serve him
right if we set his precious forest on fire.
A creature with two BABOON heads on a scaly REPTILIAN body? With TENTACLES
for arms? Hunh. Must be some stupid wizard's magical construct. Let's kill
it.
Yes, it's true I humiliated the DM in front of the debating team Wednesday,
but he's much too broad-minded to take it out on my character.
OK, O Mighty Odin, as long as you're not gonna answer my prayers, I'm gonna
tell ya what I REALLY think of ya!
I drop trough and expose myself to the arch-mage as a gesture of
contempt.
Well, guys, I'm sorry my activities in the last town got us all tarred and
feathered, but you're not going to hold that against me, are you?
No, I'm sure there's some stipulation that says a disintegrate spell won't
work if the spellcaster casts it on himself. Here, I'll prove it.
Oops, I spilled flaming oil on my beard. I'd better wash it off after we
kill this fire lizard.
Well, we know he's LAWFUL evil, so he should keep his word when he promised
not to betray us.
So I'm safely across the pit? Whew! For a minute there I was worried that
you might remember my encumbrance penalties.
Well, as long as I've stumbled into Princess Savitra's bedroom, I might as
well try to seduce her.
Thank God!! A hobgoblin camp up ahead! Maybe they can help heal our
wounded!
Don't worry! The chances of me blowing a climb walls roll twice, at my
level, are infinitesimal.
All right, I jump...Now on the way down, I activate my ring of feather
fall...no, wait, didn't I lend it to Jim?
So you're Tiamat, huh? Are you evil? Yes? Would you like to
convert?
I cast a `gate' spell and gate in the Iraqi Air Force.
Well, *I* trust our party thief, and if he says this door isn't trapped, that's good enough for me.
Well, I didn't much like this character, anyway...Here goes nothing...
I swing the Toxic Avenger's mop at the grenade so I can bat it across the room at the aliens...Wait! Isn't that grenade Contact Fused???
Whistling sounds? Naw, they can't have a grenade launcher!
Okay, there's nothing guarding the bridge. I go through the door and find
the helm.
They can't possibly outflank us. We have a multi-scanner!
Come on! Arrows versus Kevlar?
What do you mean Tsu Han's pilotting the shuttle? Does he even have Insystem Pilot? WHY ARE YOU SMILING AND SHAKING YOUR HEAD?
So that giant fell into the pit? I'll jump over it and get his treasure.
Oh, that sorceress looked a little pale when she examined the mirror which has the pentagram in front of it on the floor. I think I'll break the
mirror.
It's not trapped, you just want it to yourself.\" [He still got it for
himself.]\n",
Me first Me first.
Dinosaur? Hey, no problem, right Balinor?
You call yourself a barbarian, you son of a witch?
"To powerful demon: \"Try me sh*t breath!
"To sleeping dragon: \"Oops, sorry...didn't mean to disturb you.
Come on, we haven't found any traps so far.
"Ranger: \"What do I see?\" DM:\"Do you remember the trap that killed Indy's
guide in Raiders of the Lost Ark?
Diamonds... Gold... Saphires! Terry! Terry, we're rich, we're rich, we're
fabulously wealthy! ... Terry ... Terry?
Let's walk this way.
More: --121-- Hey folks, follow me, I remember the way to the
dungeon exit.\"(Lost)\n",
I never get to have any fun!
You mean they get to use the critical hit chart too?
Hey, I know a dragon when I see one.
What do you mean the whole room we're in detects as a trap?
Hey you! Frost Giant! How's the weather up there?
Just watch, I bet I get the one item that's cursed.
I'm invincible!
Don't worry. I know what I'm doing!
Stop!
A sign labeled `pit'? I walk up to it.
No problem. That's easy!
Hey, I found it. I'm keeping it.
I think we'll have to reason with him.
Hah! I'm not dead yet. I still have five hit points.
Oh, no. We're being rescued. How embarrassing!
Yeah, I know it's dangerous, but think of the experience points.
I stand right underneath the Fire Giant and point my wand straight up.
Don't worry. I've got a plan.
They can't see me. I'm invisible!
I wonder what's in here?
He wouldn't try that trick again!
Trust me, guys.
Just because you're a dragon doesn't mean you can push ME around.
They don't look so tough.
I'm SURE there are no traps.
I actively disbelieve!
What do you mean trolls regenerate!?!
Here kitty, kitty, kitty...
I'll open it.
It seems easy enough
I think he can be trusted.
Those noises are probably nothing.
I'll pull the lever.
Money!
Magic is for wimps.
Oh. He'll miss. Just look at my AC.
Oh no! Let's go help them!
Run away!
I want to kill something.
More: --161-- All clear, guys.
Gummy werebears? They should be cake to kill once they turn human.
Wait a minute, didn't the old man say something about a curse?
Hey, where'd all the big spiders come from?
Okay, Ed, your underwear explodes!
Bob, you have any grenades left? Throw me one...
AGAIN!?!?!
He shot out my eye? Okay, I tear out my other eye and throw it at him as a
gesture of defiance.
I pull the metal ring out of the sphere.\" [Recognize a Holy Hand
Grenade?]\n",
This is a push-over dungeon.
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
I'll use my taunt skill.
Your mother was a Gully Dwarf.
My God will protect me.
You wouldn't dare!
Hey, we're out! We're safe!
I'll try it on.
C'mon! We're a team!
You don't look like a mage!
It'd be stupid to trap this!
More: --181-- I'll kick the door in!
It could be dangerous!
Here, hold this rope while I go down.
I thought you brought the food!
Anyone got a lighter?
Well, if you didn't belch, who did?
Torch flames aren't supposed to turn blue.
Uh guys? Hello? Anyone?
Dragons give you a lot of Exp.
"--- \n",
Who's the bitch with the spiders?\" [Ahhh! The infamous Lloth.]\n",
I sit on the pale lady with the funny teeth.\" [Ahhh! The infamous
vampire.] \n",
Mysterious shadows in the room? I'm not scared --- you can't spook me!\"
\n",
There's a smell of gas, huh? Well, my lantern is hooded. It ought to be
safe.
Take off my armor and try to swim? Forget it --- I worked hard to get this
+3 plate mail. Besides, the DM never lets anyone die --- he wouldn't let me
drown, would he?\" \n",
I cast a lightning bolt at the ochre jelly.
Lightning bolts don't ricochet off stone walls, do they?
A ballista? What's that? How many dice of damage does it do?\" [Twenty.
It's like a crossbow, only MUCH larger.]\n",
So what if he calls the guard? A backwater town like this can't have a very
big militia.
Only six inches long? Ha... Wait, you don't mean six _scale_ inches, do
you?\" [said in miniature-figures-game. Character itself was 3/4\" high.]\n",
More: --201-- ...and then I... Uh, guys? Why are looking at
me like that? Guys?\" [After
using a spell called \"Polymorph Other\"]\n",
What do you mean, `It doesn't work'?\" [Item with no more charges
left.]\n",
Oh these, I've fought them before...
Then I'll hit him back!\" [spoken at the start of a bar brawl.]\n",
I'm bored...
Quick! What did that scroll say?
How did he dissappear like that?\" {About a hostile warrior with a ring of
invisibility and two attacks per round.}\n",
I'll try to pick his pockets.\" [Pockets belonged to a level 30 mage.]\n",
Maybe we should just kill him.
Read it to me.\" [It was a fireball scroll.]\n",
You mean there's more?\" [About undeads which entered the room]\n",
MAGIC ITEMS!
He looks like a sunburnt elf? Huh.
I'll light a fire.\" (In the woods at night (attracted bears)}\n",
You'd have to be a GOD to smile after that hit!
"GM:\"You DID take the swimming skill?\" (to a player when character fell
overboard.)\n",
I'll stand guard.\" [Didn't want to enter orc cave. Orcs were out. Orcs
came back.]\n",
What do you mean I hear water?\" [in a tunnel]\n",
I bar the door!\" [Door opened inward.]\n",
I'll cover you!
More: --221-- Take out a Beholder's eyes, and Bingo!
Don't worry - I have Stormbringer.
I can't possibly miss...
Don't worry, I can hit him! I can hit him!
Shut up, bird!\" {to a parrot who happened to be repeating the True Name of
a demon which subsequently exterminated the party}\n",
But he has to be our friend!
How would you like to have this sword?
"NPC:\"Take this ring as a token of my esteem.\" [This party no longer
accepts gifts from unknown NPC's.]\n",
"PLAYER:\"BEGONE THINGS OF EVIL!!!\" REPLY:\"Begone thing of good.
I go through the door... Wait, I check for traps!
Don't be silly. That kind of monster NEVER follows you.
I run up to the monster, throw my magic net over it, and try to take the
jewel from around its neck.\" [But nets don't stop creatures from biting.]\n",
Hmmm... odd-colored walls. Well, I touch one.\" [turned to stone]\n",
But the directions SAID to `pull pin and throw'!\" [From a beautifully
role-played traveller character from a non-technological world. He was given a
scout ship survival pack, which among other gimcracks, contained concussion
grenades. When he got in trouble, of course, he pulled the pin out of one and
threw it (\"it\" being the pin, naturally)...] \n",
Uh, what does 'explosive decompression' mean?
Why the hell do you always put `Graf' before your name? Is that this
backward planet's equivalent of `Duke' or something?
DO NOT OPEN
Easy kill.
I've got you now!
Think of it as evolution in action.
Darwin wins again ...
#ifdef NO_FANTASY
All right, I guess Toronaga's right. There can't possibly be anything on
the other side of this airlock. Why not open the damned thing.
What do you mean `energy weapons are illegal'?
What do you mean, vacc-suit proficiency? I thought it was perfectly
straightforward, like wearing clothes...\" [From a character attempting to
fight hand-to-hand in one.]\n",
I wonder what the black-and-yellow striped ring above the seat does?\"
[Ejection Seat. No atmosphere and no vacc-suit.]\n",
"Star Wars:\"Stormtroopers can't hit a Wampa at this dist...
"Traveller:\"Who took the battery out of my grav belt?
Don't be silly. If this was really the ship's \"Self-Destruct Button\", do
you think they'd leave it lying around where anyone could press it?
Hmmm...the sign on the door says, \"AIRLOCK\". I wonder what's
inside.
A clever bluff, Agent N42, but not clever enough. You see, right away I recognized your `pistol' as a cleverly disguised cigarette lighter.
Don't worry - I have Pilot-7.