BREAKING MOVIE NEWS
Winslet gives birth
Kate Winslet has tonight given birth to a beautiful baby boy. Father Mickey Adams was said to be "delighted" and was considering signing the youngster to aid Leicesters ailing attack. The boy will be named Dave after Adams' bestest buddy in the world, Dave Basset.
Di Caprio blows Tim Burgess
Leonardo “Leonard” Di Caprio has sensationally admitted that he enjoys performing oral sex on Tim Burgess. Since splitting from girlfriend Jennifer Saunders, the sexy star has been enjoying late night sessions with The Charlatan's frontman. However, Di Caprio denied that Tim enjoyed singing "The Only one I Know" while the acts took place, instead revealing that he sung a rendition of "North Country Boy".
Henderson trapped
Trainspotting star Shirley Henderson was today trapped in a Thesaurus for 7 hours. The Scottish actress was only freed after expelling Tim Henman from her nostril.
Lynch plans new film
Controversial director David Lynch today announced that he plans to start work on a Noel Whelan biopic. The film is set to star Gena Davis as the Middlesbrough forward and David Schwimmer as Alan Smart.
Ted Danson.
Cheers star Ted Danson has formed a Seahorses tribute band. The ill fated John Squire vehicle was one of Teds favourite groups and he described the developments as "a dream come true".
Ormond mistaken for Jacket Potato
English traitor Julia Ormond was sensationally mistaken for a jacket potato and eaten. The news has rocked the film world, especially in Ormonds home town of Holbech
Cruz on form
Spanish striker, and Richard Wood lookalike, Penelope Cruz has been showing some great form in the run up to the new season. The ex Real Madrid player scored a hat trick in a friendly against Plymouth and followed it up with two against Rushden and Diamonds.
Cusack enters final stage
John Cusack yesterday entered his final stage of respiration. The High Fidelity star was transfered to a series of electron carriers with help from an enzyme called "decarjohncusackylase".
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