Well, since we reviewed an awesome game, I guess we should review a craptacular movie. Never have I left a theatre feeling so empty. This movie sucked. And blew. Yes, this is possible, it was just that bad. The storyline, or lack there of, sucked. Go here, get a kid, come back, the end. Oh, and there's this crazy bastard that wants to destroy everything, and some old guy that wants to team up with the supposed good guys so his people won't die. Or something. Usually a crazy bastard wanting to destroy everything would make me like the movie despite all the other BS, but not this time. There was absolutely no character developement, so when a person died you were like "Oh, I think that was a main character, how sad....or not. At least something happened." Another thing that would usually make me somewhat enjoy a movie is battle scenes. You know, people getting killed left and right, blood and gore, woohoo! This movie offered NOTHING! "Epic battle sequences" my ass. They show someone swing a sword and you'd hear someone go "urgh!" but that was the extent of the gore. Oh, and some cheap watery food coloring on the weapons was supposed to be blood I think. Lastly, I think the only thing to redeem such a poorly done movie would be eye candy. I can't believe I'm saying this, but it's true, yet "King Arthur" offers none. When I brought up this point to some 15 year old girls they couldn't believe I didn't think any of the people in this "movie" were hot. Sorry, but people with sunken in corpse-faces doesn't exactly turn me on. Plus, where this is no character, there is no hotness. The next time I feel a cadaver fetish coming on I'll be sure to watch this movie. Estimated time to my next cadaver fetish...FUCKING NEVER. I also tried to look at this from a guys point of view; there's a scene where Guinwhatever is only wearing leather straps, but even then I don't thinkthat'd be enough, she's pretty flat. That aside, I feel bad that I made my Ma waste her hard earned $19.00 on such a piss poor excuse for a movie. I rarely ever say this, but I wish I had those few hours of my life back, and RARELY do I ever wish for part of my life back. So here's to one of the shittiest movies! I wish I could grow 98 more arms to give this "movie" a much deserved 100 thumbs down.
-Tristaran