Volunteers

by Remma (morennab@yahoo.co.uk)

"So what's the verdict, doc?"

"As far as I can tell, Colonel, the potion he was given was only supposed to act as an aphrodisiac. Chancellor Nanpuke never meant to harm Daniel, he simply didn't take the alien factor into account."

"He will get over this, won't he, Janet?"

"Well, now here's the thing. The difference in our physiognomy to that of the Poolegien people means that instead of making Daniel simply amenable to sexual intimacy, his body actually craves it like a drug. What you're seeing from him now is an extreme form of withdrawal."

"And once again Daniel is addicted to some alien hoodoo. Peachy."

"Sir, it's hardly Daniel's fault."

"I concur. I observed Chancellor Nanpuke's interest in DanielJackson, yet failed to protect him adequately. I deeply regret the damage my inattention has caused."

"Not your fault, Big Guy...or Daniel's either. None of us could have expected that weasely sleaze ball would be willing to risk an entire planetary treaty just to get his slimy hands on Daniel. What's done is done; all we can do now is give Daniel the support he needs to recover.

"I'm afraid it may not be that simple, Colonel. Frankly, Sir, I'm concerned at the rapid progression of his symptoms. This isn't just a little sexual frustration, he's suffering from a severe neuro-chemical imbalance, his temperature is spiking, his hormones are all over the place, his behaviour is erratic and irrational..."

"Nothing new there."

"O'Neill, I do not believe that levity is appropriate in this situation."

"I quite agree. I don't think you realise how serious this is, Sir. If Daniel's brain chemistry isn't resolved soon, then his condition could become life threatening."

"What, he could die from this. Damn, I always knew celibacy was unnatural."

"There must be something we can do to help him, Janet."

"I believe there is. The drug was designed to dissipate after sexual release. I'm pretty sure that would happen in Daniel's case too, so..."

"So all Daniel has to do is jack-off and he'll be fine. Sweet."

"No, Sir, that alone won't be sufficient to alleviate his symptoms."

"How do you know, have you tried it?"

"Well..."

"You have? Well, hot damn, can't wait to see how you phrase that in the medical reports."

"DoctorFraiser, are we to infer that DanielJackson's only hope of survival lies in the act of sexual intercourse with another?"

"That's pretty much it, Teal'c. We've exhausted every other option."

"Then I offer myself as a possible mate."

"Huh? Now wait just one damn minute..."

"I assure you O'Neill, I am quite willing to sacrifice myself in order to save DanielJackson."

"I'm sure you are, T, but if there's any sacrificing to be done, then as team leader, I should be the one to do it."

"That is truly noble, O'Neill, and yet unnecessary. It would be no hardship for me to serve DanielJackson in this way. Indeed, it would ease my own conscience at allowing him to be placed in jeopardy."

"If anyone was to blame for that, it was me. I was in charge, so any guilt and easing of said guilt is mine. No need for you to put yourself out."

"Sir, Teal'c, don't you think Daniel would prefer a woman?"

"No, Carter, I don't. I think that once he was rational he would be wracked with guilt, thinking he'd forced himself on some poor woman. No, the obvious choice is..."

"Sir, I'm hardly some poor woman, I'm a highly trained air-force officer. Daniel knows that I could take him with one hand tied behind my back, so he's smart enough to realise that anything that happened between us was completely voluntary on my part. Isn't that right, Janet?"

"Nothing is going to happen between you since I have no intention of shirking my duty as Daniel's commanding officer."

"As to that, Colonel, I'm concerned that should you or any other member of SG-1 carry out this task, it could compromise the integrity of our team. Therefore, as Daniel's doctor, I feel that I should be the one to help him in his hour of need."

"Wouldn't that compromise your integrity, doc?"

"Not at all Colonel. I would simply be fulfilling my Hippocratic oath in doing everything in my power to heal my patient."

"Appreciate the offer, doc, but I think we should keep this in the family, namely SG-1."

"I agree, Sir."

"As do I."

"I think that would be a mistake, Colonel."

"It's not your call, Doctor. I'm his C.O."

"And I'm Chief Medical Officer, and as such, all decisions regarding the health and welfare of anyone on the base most definitely is my call."

"Doctor Fraiser?"

"What is it Nurse Woolley, Nurse Rachet?"

"Ma'am, we, the nursing staff are aware of the delicate situation regarding Doctor Jackson, and wish to offer our services."

"What, all of you?"

"Yes, Colonel. We have a rota."

"Please, thank the nursing staff, but they will not be called on in this instance. You may continue with your duties."

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Wasn't that nice of them."

"The SGC is most fortunate in the quality of its medical personnel, O'Neill."

"Now, where...oh for crying out loud, now what?"

"The marines have arrived, Sir."

"Thank-you, Carter. Makepeace, do you have a problem?"

"No problem Colonel. We've heard what happened to Doctor Jackson and want to help you guys out."

"You obviously haven't heard the whole story."

"I heard that the Doctor was dosed with some alien love potion, and the only hope for his survival is to have intimate relations with somebody. Is there more, Colonel?"

"No, that's pretty much it."

"Okay, then. My men and I are here to volunteer."

"Do you also have a rota ColonelMakepeace?"

"Say what?"

"The nursing staff produced a rota, have you a similar article, or was a concerted action your intention?"

"Who cares what they intended, we don't need them to do anything, concerted or otherwise. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of my own men."

"Bad idea, O'Neill. You'll only end up screwing up your command structure if you go around screwing...what the hell?"

"Sirs, offworld activation."

"Well spotted, Carter, Makepeace, shouldn't you check that out?"

"I'm sure the SF's can handle it."

"I'm surprised they're not down here volunteering along with everyone else."

"DanielJackson has many friends, O'Neill."

"You can say that again."

"DanielJackson has many friends, O'Neill."

"I didn't mean...oh never mind. Look, Doc, we're wasting time. What we need is..."

"Dad, what are you doing here?"

"And another country heard from."

"Funny, Jack. Hey, Sammy, Teal'c, everyone...crowded in here.

"Yesureyoubetcha. Daniel's a popular guy...just ask Teal'c. He's why you're here, right, and does anyone in the universe not know what happened to Daniel?"

"Doubt it, that interstellar grapevine's a bitch. Anyway, I got here as soon as I could."

"Don't tell me, Jacob, you're here to volunteer your services."

"That's it, Jack. Selmac and I talked it over, and we're agreed that for any of you to do the deed would cause all kinds of complications, so we're the obvious choice, and you know how fond I am of Danny."

"I think you're wrong, Dad, I don't see there would be any problem if I were the one to help Daniel."

"I disagree, this is clearly a job for the marines."

"You are in error, ColonelMakepeace, as are you, JacobCarter and also MajorCarter. As a jaffa, I have few sexual taboos, and am therefore ideally suited to carry out this onerous task."

"Like I said before Teal'c, I would never ask any of my team to do anything I wouldn't do myself, so back off. I'm ready, just take me to him."

"Colonel, as Daniel's doctor, and C.M.O. of this base, I must insist that I be the one to save him."

"Dammit, Janet, I'm not only his C.O., I'm his friend. If anyone jumps his bones it should be me."

"I'm his friend too, Sir."

"As am I."

"Carter, Teal'c..."

"Hi guys, what's up? Hi Jacob, good to see you again."

"Daniel?"

"Jack, are you okay, you look a little pale."

"DanielJackson, you have recovered. How fortunate."

"Yeah, I was feeling a bit shaky for awhile, then I guess whatever weird alien shit I drank just wore off."

"Daniel, maybe you should go lie down, you might have a relapse."

"I'm fine, Janet, really. What is everyone doing here?"

"We were worried about you, Danny."

"And you all came to help? Jack, you have no idea how good that makes me feel. You know, until I came to the SGC, I never really felt like I belonged, but knowing so many of you were willing to put yourselves out only to help me makes me feel like I've come home. Thank-you, all of you, it's wonderful to know I have so many caring selfless friends."

"No problem, Danny, any time."

"Indeed."

***The End***

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