"Oh come on Jack, don't be such a wuss. It was only a twinkie."

"It was not only a twinkie, it was the last twinkie. Now I'm going to be snackless for the whole weekend."

"If you're that desperate we can go to the store tomorrow and buy more."

"I don't need to go shopping yet, I have enough groceries."

"You don't have enough twinkies."

"No, but I have enough of everything else."

"So don't buy anything else."

"What, you mean, go to the grocery store and don't buy groceries?"

"You just said you didn't need groceries, so why would you buy them?"

"You can't go all the way there and only buy snacks?"

"Why not?"

"Because, it's...it's...you just can't, that's why."

"God, Jack, you can be so set in your ways sometimes. Don't you ever buy things on spec.?"

"No, I make a list."

"What happens if you run out of something before your next planned shopping trip?"

"I never do run out of thing too soon, or I didn't before you were around all the time."

"If I'm in the way I could always go home..."

"I don't want you to go home, I love having you here. Only...you use stuff."

"I use stuff?"

"Yea, I always used to know exactly what I had in the house. If it was going to be a week before the next grocery trip, I'd buy the right amount of stuff for a week."

"Jack, I don't believe you rationed out your twinkies. This isn't a mission. The shop is less than ten minutes away, if you want something you can pop out and get it. You are so suburban."

"I am not."

"Are so."

"Am not. You take that back."

"No. You are such a baby."

"Am not."

"Don't start all that again. Jack, you really need to live a little."

"Daniel, I routinely risk my life on a daily basis, is it too much to ask that my home life is organized?"

"There is such a thing as being too organized Jack. It's bad enough that you alphabetize your canned goods, but knowing to the ounce how many vegetables you have in the refridgerator is just plain anal. I'm scared to use as much as a pea without marking it off the list you keep on the door first."

"Hey, I like to know what I got. I don't know how you survive with the chaos you live in. Last time we were there I thought we were going to have to fry your fish for breakfast, because there was damn all else to eat. Oh, except chocolate, the one thing you always have in abundance."

"What else do you need. Anything else I need I can order out for."

"Tell me about it, you have the pizza place on speed dial."

"What's wrong with that? I'm a single guy who lives like a single guy. Your a single guy who lives like a little old woman."

"I notice you're happy enough to eat the snacks I've so thoughtfully provided. I've never known anyone who could put away junk food like you, you should weigh four hundred pounds...at least."

"I'm only thinking of you, Jack."

"How is eating me out of house and home only thinking of me?"

"I'm helping you keep in shape by eating anything temptingly fattening in your path. You should be grateful that I'm willing to sacrifice myself like that."

"I'm in perfect shape, dammit!"

"Sure you are, Jack. You know, when I first met you, you used to wear you shirts tucked into your pants, now..."

"It's a style choice."

"Oh. Okay."

"It is."

"Okay."

"I could still tuck my shirts into my pants if I wanted to, I just don't want to."

"I'm sure you could, Jack."

"You weren't complaining about my being out of shape last night. Four times, Daniel, four times."

"I know, I was there. Very impressive...for a man of your age."

"Sonovabitch! you know, when I first met you I thought you were this nice, sweet, innocent, polite, geek. How wrong I was."

"I was in disguise."

"It was a good one. Who knew you could be so..so..snippy."

"Snippy?"

"Yea snippy."

"I'm not being snippy, it's foreplay."

"You have a strange idea of what's going to turn me on."

"Can I help it if I'm not accustomed to flirting."

"Ha! You not accustomed to flirting? Daniel, you flirt all the time, with practically everyone."

"I do not! Who, who do I flirt with, name one person, just one."

"Kira."

"Oh. She doesn't count."

"Why not?"

"Because...Shar'e had only just died and I was feeling...strange."

"Strange. You slept with the destroyer of worlds because you felt strange."

"I didn't know she was the destroyer of worlds then...and I didn't sleep with her."

"You didn't?"

"No, I wouldn't do that, we'd only just met. I don't do casual."

"You can say that again. After all, you're the man who got married before he'd even kissed the bride...and it took me years before I could get you into bed."

"Only because you didn't ask sooner. Did you really think I'd slept with Kira?"

"Daniel, the whole base thought you'd slept with Kira. Would you really have said yes if I'd asked you sooner?"

"Yes."

"Crap. Aris Boch."

"What?"

"Aris Boch, you flirted with Aris Boch."

When? I did not...how...how did I flirt with Aris Boch?"

"On his ship, after we double-crossed him and tried to steal it. You asked him if the deal was still on and you batted you eyelashes at him. You were so flirting, and he was eating it up."

"That's nuts. I do not bat my eyelashes. You're making this up."

"Am not. Jacob."

"Jacob?"

"Jacob."

"Selmac, Jacob?"

"Yes."

"Sam's father, Jacob?"

"Yes, dammit, that Jacob."

"You think I flirt with Sam's father?"

"Yes, and don't think I haven't noticed how he is with you."

"What!?"

"Ever since you tracked down Seth, it's always you he wants for his missions. That time with the mine for instance. Sam would be useful, I'm always fun, but you he has to have. Same with the Goa'uld summit. No-one else is good enough,no..he needs you."

"I don't believe this. Jack, have you lost your mind?"

"He gets to call you Danny, no-one else gets to call you Danny."

"You do."

"Exactly!"

"Jack, are you jealous of Jacob? That's insane."

"I'm not jealous, I'm just saying..."

"Jack, he's Sam's father, and what's more he's...um...he's not..."
'
"Don't go saying he's not interested in men. I wasn't interested in men, not 'till I met you. Who's to say you couldn't tempt him to change his...preferences too. You're attractive Daniel, dammit."

"Jack, just because you find me attractive, it doesn't mean that everyone else will too. I can't believe your being like this, although..."

"Although what?"

"I think I like you being jealous, it's quite...arousing."

"Arousing, huh? Maybe it's time to take this into the bedroom."

"No."

"We could...what? No? Why not? I thought you wanted to...you know..."

"I do."

"Well, then."

"Not the bedroom. This is as good a time as any to...break you out of the rut your in."

"Oh. Daniel, what are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? I really think you should take your clothes off too, you know...it makes things so much easier."

"What, here in the kitchen?"

"Why not?"

"Sweet. Okay, now what? The couch?"

"I was thinking more like the kitchen table."

"The kitchen table! But we have to eat off...quit looking at me like that...I am not being unadventurous...just...a table?"

"It's the perfect height."

"The perfect height for what? Oh. Oh...right. For...right."

"Is that a problem?"

"No...no...well...I'm not really sure I want to...um..."

"Oh? Then why is the little colonel standing to attention?"

"The little general."

"What?"

"After last night I thought he deserved a promotion."

"Oh. So you now have a body part with a higher rank than you. Interesting. I guess that makes it pretty clear who's in charge."

"You better believe it, Dannyboy. Now, about this table..."

***The End***