Dammit 3

	Hugh is on the phone in the boardroom. Stephen enters 
	and throws off his coat. Hugh nods a greeting.


Hugh		(Looking at his watch) Dammit to blue-rinsed
		Hades!

Stephen		Problem, Peter?

Hugh		(Hangs up) Yeah. This watch keeps losing time,
		John. It was a birthday gift from Nancy and I
		haven't the heart to tell her that it keeps time
		about as well as a Rangoon stevedore. So tell me
		John, how did the meeting go?

Stephen		I don't know how the meeting went, Peter.

Hugh		I don't understand, John.

Stephen		It's very simple, Peter. I didn't go.

Hugh		You didn't go, John? I understand even less ...

Stephen		Would it help if I told you that Marjorie was at the
		meeting, Peter?

Hugh		Marjorie?

Stephen		Check. With her two lap-poodles, Dexter and
		O'Neill.

Hugh		What the deuce was that hell-bitch Marjorie
		doing there?

Stephen		Marjorie is a majority stockholder in Barraclough
		Leisure, Peter. She's entitled to attend any
		damned meeting she chooses.

Hugh		Oh come on, John. Marjorie holds stock in just
		about every major leisure corporation in the
		Uttoxeter Yellow Pages. Are you telling me ... ?

Stephen		I don't know what I'm telling you, Peter. But I
		decided there and then that if Marjorie and I were
		going to war, it would be on the ground of my
		choosing ...

Hugh		But dammit, John ...

Stephen		Wait a minute, I haven't finished.

Hugh		Sorry, John.

Stephen		It would be on the ground of my choosing
		... Peter.

Hugh		Right. But there's something else on your mind. I
		can tell. I've seen that look before.

Stephen		I was just thinking, how old's the boy now?

Hugh		The boy? Where does he come into this?

Stephen		Half that Barraclough stock is his, remember?

Hugh		You mean ... ?

Stephen		I mean, Peter, the boy's old enough to think for
		himself. If he's anything like his father he'll have a
		mind of his own.

Hugh		You're his father John.

Stephen		No Peter. As a matter of record, I'm not.

Hugh		This is a story I've not heard.

Stephen		(Pouring himself a drink and staring into the distance)
		It was while I was working every hour that God
		sent and plenty more on top of that, making
		something of this health club, wheeling, dealing,
		bobbing, weaving, ducking and diving through
		every centimetre of red tape the local Uttoxeter
		bureaucrats could tie me up with, hustling,
		breaking my DAMNED ARSE to set this company
		on the right road.

Hugh		And Marjorie wanted children.

Stephen		That's right. The business was just starting to turn
		the corner, and there was Marjorie, asking me to
		throw away ten minutes of my life in order to have
		a child. I just couldn't do that.

Hugh		I understand, but I don't understand.

Stephen		Simple. I did what any good businessman would
		have done in my place. I delegated. Put Tim on
		the case.

Hugh		Tim ...

Stephen		Luckily he was able to fit it in. The rest, as they
		say, is damned history. Tim is the boy's father.

Hugh		Not strictly true, John.

Stephen		Peter? You have some input on this?

Hugh		I swear to you John, I had no idea where the brief
		originated, but Tim came to me one night saying
		that he'd bitten off more than he could chew, and
		could I get him out of a jam.

Stephen		Don't tell me ...

Hugh		I'm afraid so, John. Tim delegated the delegating.

Stephen		Damn his arse! Are you telling me that you're the
		boy's father, Peter?

Hugh		Not as simple as that, I'm afraid. I was up to
		my neck with Nancy at the time. Strung out on
		a wire trying to set up finance for her Vegetable
		Boutique.

Stephen		So you delegated?

Hugh		I had no choice, John. Things were happening so
		fast you had to run just to keep moving.

Stephen		Come on, Peter. Who did you dump this one on?

Hugh		You're not going to like it, John.

Stephen		No ... you can't mean? Marjorie?

Hugh		That's right. Marjorie. Who else could I have
		turned to, John?

Stephen		So Marjorie is the boy's father? That is sick.

Hugh		No no no. It gets a little bit complicated here,
		John. Marjorie was hustling some deal out
		Peterborough way, on the road day and night ...

Stephen		Marjorie delegated? I can't believe this. Who to?

Hugh		The boy, John.

Stephen		To the boy? The boy is his own father?

Hugh		That's right. The boy is his own father.

Stephen		Seven types of executive damn with a free
		hellblast!

Hugh		But John, maybe this can still work for us. Maybe
		we can bring pressure to bear on the boy by
		appealing to his father.

Stephen		Get the boy to persuade himself to vote our way,
		you mean?

Hugh		It might work.

Stephen		What can we lose?

Hugh		Daamn!!

Hugh		I don't think so.