THE REASON
By Missy
(missy@lexicon.net)

The characters that you recognise from ER are the property of Michael Crichton, Warner Bros, Constant Productions and Amblin Television and to the actors who so marvellously portray them. Many thanks must go to my editors Clotho, Susan Drake and Carolyn Delaney for their tireless and marvellous editing. Season 6 spoilers.

Spoilers up to The Peace of Wild Things or thereabouts. This story is rated R due to its content. It contains rather disturbing descriptions and is probably best read during daylight hours. My editors have informed me that it is rather chilling, creepy and does evoke some of those thoughts about things that go bump in the night and one of my editors has knicknamed it 'The VeryScaryFic".

Part 9/14

{November 10, 1999}

The room still had an acrid smell to it even though the gas explosion had occurred nearly two weeks ago. Memories of the sudden explosion were fading fast - Malucci was already reverting to his sloppy work habits and Mark's hearing had returned to normal. The antiseptic smell of bleach tinged with the faint acerbic odour of smoke continued to permeate the room, but it was a welcome alternative to the noise she had been putting up with for the last two hours. Kerry had given up on trying to do her paperwork in the lounge or at the desk. For all the spaciousness out at the main desk, the amount of traffic moving through it only served to increase in her a sense of claustophobia. The small staccato beat in her left temple had increased to that of a full blown bass drum within an hour of her arrival.

A pile of charts for review sat in front of her and she rubbed her eyes once more to try and distinguish what Dave Malucci had written. Kerry gritted her teeth as she finally deciphered his chicken scratchings and decided that she'd set him the task of practising his writing skills the next time she saw him. Now that she was able to go past Malucci's troublesome syncope patient's chart, which had her stumped for close to five minutes, she began to make her way through the other charts.

Chart review was normally an easy job for her, yet she found that she wasn't able to concentrate. Her mind kept wandering and she had to remind herself to focus. There was a budgetary meeting in less than an hour and she wanted these done before then.

In the background, Kerry could hear the sounds of the ER. Trauma had been light that day with only the usual run of the mill type of cases, easily handled by the residents and interns. It made it easier for her to take time out and catch up on her paperwork. She couldn't understand why she was behind. Even on her worst days, she had always managed to handle her caseload combined with the administrative responsibilities. Granted, there had been times when she had only managed to pull everything together but nothing like the feeling she was experiencing at the moment of constantly being one step behind.

Kerry jumped when the pager on her coat beeped, the sound breaking through the silence in the room like a siren. Looking at the pager, she recognised the number on the digital display. Kerry wondered why Romano would be paging her now - until she looked at her watch and realised she was fifteen minutes late for the meeting.

She quickly gathered up the charts into her arms, leaped to her feet and slipped her right arm into the familiar crutch resting against the chair. Her anxiety at being late had her moving down the hallway at a clipped pace, her mind churning over how time had just disappeared without her noticing; chart review still wasn't finished and she was late.

Rushing down the hallway, concentrating on putting one foot ahead of the other, the beat of her feet hitting the floor matching the pounding in her head, Kerry missed seeing the third year med student come out of the exam room. They collided dramatically. Urine and blood samples flew through the air, hitting the wall and leaving colourful fingers of red and yellow dripping down the cream walls; charts slid down the hallway, stopping haphazardly at irregular intervals like stepping stones.

Kerry gave an anguished yelp of pain, clutching her ribs protectively. The young med student looked at her mortified and waited in silent fear. Kerry felt the rush of anger rise like the bitter taste of bile. She swallowed, trying to bite back her annoyance at the collision, but her barbed words surged forth. The hall quickly cleared of any staff members that didn't need to be there; they didn't want to be caught up in the waves of wrath rolling over.

"Kerry, what's the problem?" Mark's calm, even voice broke through her tirade. He took in the med student with large tears rolling down her face, struggling to try and weather the storm of Kerry's temper. Mark indicated for the student to go and she scurried off to the nearest toilet to regain her composure.

"I'm late for a meeting." Kerry looked up at him, his lean figure towering over her as she struggled to pick up the charts from the floor.

"That's not the med student's fault, Kerry."

"No but the fact that I'm even later is. Look at the walls!" Mark took in the dripping fingers of blood and urine samples creeping in slow trails down the wall. "And even the charts, they're covered in blood and urine."

"There's only a couple of spots on them, Kerry. It's nothing to worry about." Mark bent down and helped her pick up the charts, quickly gathering them into a pile.

"Nothing to worry about! You don't know what the patient has."

Mark was surprised at the way Kerry was reacting to such a simple accident. She was blowing the incident totally out of proportion. It wasn't as if this sort of thing hadn't occurred before. The last week had been rather tedious with Kerry being irritable and exploding in anger at the slightest mistake.

He rose to his feet, offering his hand to Kerry to help her up. She ignored it, pulling herself up expertly on her crutch and wincing at the twinge of pain through her ribs.

"Kerry, what's wrong?" Mark had been watching her carefully, assessing her unusual behaviour. He was concerned at the way she had been acting this last week. She had seemed to be perpetually at the hospital outside her scheduled hours, working on administrative matters of one sort or another and it was taking its toll. Her eyes had taken on a haunted look; at least the eye that she could clearly see through. Her left eye, injured in the fall last week, was slowly healing, yet her right eye seemed to be matching the left one in appearance with a deep, dark blue-black smudge growing in depth each day.

"Nothing. I just had the wind knocked out of me when we collided."

"I want to check you out, you seem more than just winded."

A pager went off. Both of them looked down at their coat pockets to see whose it was. "It's mine. Romano's chasing me. I'd better get going. Could you put these in the lounge for me to finish?" Kerry handed over the few charts she had retrieved from the floor.

"Sure, but Kerry......" Mark trailed off as she disappeared down the hall, heading towards the elevators.

*************

"Dr. Weaver, very nice of you to bless us with your presence," Romano commented sardonically as she entered the conference room. "An urgent trauma case again?"

Kerry didn't bother to dignify him with a response, sitting down in the last seat available at the conference table. Sinking into the seat, Kerry struggled to get her breath, the sound rasping and loud in the silence of the conference room. As she calmed herself down, Kerry realised that she had left her notes and paperwork down in the ER, paperwork she had stayed at the hospital to complete until the early hours of this morning.

Romano conducted the meeting with his usual string of barbs and innuendos, striking at unsuspecting staff. Kerry yawned, losing interest in the meeting and her eyes began to feel very heavy.

"Dr. Weaver, we aren't keeping you awake, are we? I don't suppose you've got those figures I wanted?"

"Yes, Robert."

"Yes, I am keeping you awake or you have the figures?"

"I've got the figures for you." Kerry rattled them off for him, grateful for her memory and gave a small smile of satisfaction when Romano had nothing to come back at her with, the details she provided him with fully covering what he sought. His eyes watched her, a saturnine smile plastered across his face.

It was the small, beady eyes that caught her and mesmerised her, taking her back to another time. They swallowed her soul and drained the colour from her face as she remembered. *He* had had small, beady eyes; eyes that had stripped her to the core, taking away all warmth and leaving her cold and clammy. She could once again feel his breath against her skin, the headiness of wanton desire as he took in her virtually naked body.

"Kerry, are you okay?" Elizabeth's soft English lilt broke through the memories. She jumped as she felt Elizabeth's touch on her arm at the same time.

"Uh, yes, no....I think I'm going to be sick." Kerry struggled to control the feeling, yet her stomach rebelled against her fight to contain it. She scrambled to get her crutch and raced out the door to the toilets. Once there she finally gave in to the rolling waves of nausea, emptying the contents of her stomach rather dramatically. Her stomach was still heaving when a voice broke through the silence in the room.

"Kerry?" Elizabeth, concerned about the competent doctor, had followed her. It was unusual for Kerry to be late to a meeting and it had now occurred twice in one week. Her loss of colour in the conference had worried Elizabeth, the distant look in Kerry's eyes and the clamminess of her skin when she had touched her. The aluminum crutch outside the cubicle indicated where Kerry was and Elizabeth tentatively pushed the door open.

She found Kerry hunched over the toilet bowl, her face pallid as she looked up at Elizabeth. Another wave of nausea hit and Kerry dry-retched, the heaves shaking her slight frame. Kerry could hear water running in the background as her stomach twisted and turned once again. A moment later she felt wet toweling pressed against the nape of her neck. The coolness was welcome, bringing relief to the heat that seemed to be billowing inside her. Kerry sat back, closing her eyes as her nausea settled. Another piece of toweling paper came against her forehead, the smell of the damp paper bringing her back to awareness.

"How are you feeling?"

"Do you want the truth?" Kerry asked tiredly, a twisted smile coming to her face before it disappeared once again.

"I think I can take a guess. Stupid question, I suppose." Elizabeth slid down the wall to sit opposite Kerry. "Is your stomach settling down?"

"Only just." Kerry closed her eyes again, her head drooping forward and she put her hand against the damp cloth to stop it from falling.

"Are you ill?"

"No. It just hit me all of a sudden."

"You're not pregnant, are you?" Elizabeth asked.

Kerry opened her right eye and looked at Elizabeth to check whether she was serious. Kerry gave a half-hearted laugh and replied, "No, I'm not pregnant."

"Just a bit of Romano Ad Nauseum, then?"

"Is that the clinical name for it?"

"Yep, I suffer from it on occasion myself," Elizabeth admitted. "I don't know about you, but I am getting awfully cramped sitting like this. Do you think you'll be able to leave the safety of the toilet without throwing up everywhere?"

Elizabeth's way of phrasing it had Kerry smiling. "I think my stomach is limiting it to the occasional somersault."

"How about I take you to the surgeon's lounge and you can lie down for an hour?" Elizabeth asked. She saw Kerry about to dispute her suggestion, and continued, "That wasn't just a suggestion, Kerry. Be grateful that I'm not submitting you to a full physical. You look terrible."

"Gee, thanks. That's just what I needed to hear."

"Well, have a rest and maybe I'll change my opinion in an hour." Elizabeth commented dryly as she gave Kerry a hand to get up off the floor. She didn't miss Kerry's wince at the pain in her leg and ribs. Passing Kerry her crutch, Elizabeth accompanied her out of the toilets and down the hall.

End Part 9/14