Bulletin From Heaven
STOP PRESS
(Heaven - Stardate 467392-888)
Here is the latest count of recently departed Christian souls, from the planet Earth, that were not pious enough to make it into heaven today. (See below for numerical breakdown) As usual, they are collectively, at this very moment:
Here is the latest count of recently departed Christian souls, from the planet Earth, that were not pious enough to make it into heaven today. (See below for numerical breakdown)
As usual, they are collectively, at this very moment:
BURNING IN HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY! Not all that brilliant eh? Let's have a better figure tomorrow chaps. Pip pip. Signed: St. Peter - pp God Today's Top 15 Cause Count 1. Didn't pray enough. 22,435 2. Didn't praise enough. 19,112 3. Couldn't get through the eye of the needle. 10,305 4. Did spill their seed. 9,998 5. Would have spilled their seed if they had been men. 9,446 6. Were not circumsised on the eighth day. 7,102 7. Gays and lesbians. 3,007 8. Worked on Saturday. 2,124 9. Not meek enough. 1,563 10. Catholics. 1,488 11. Broke one or more commandments. 679 12. Blasphemers. 89 13. Atheist Bishops. 14 14. Child molesting priests. 9 15. Others - various naughtiness, including Mormons, JWs' and pre-baptism babies. 271
BURNING IN HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY! Not all that brilliant eh? Let's have a better figure tomorrow chaps. Pip pip. Signed: St. Peter - pp God
BURNING IN HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY! Not all that brilliant eh? Let's have a better figure tomorrow chaps. Pip pip.
BURNING IN HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY!
Not all that brilliant eh? Let's have a better figure tomorrow chaps. Pip pip.
Signed: St. Peter - pp God
Cause
Count
The Bulletin from Heaven - Serving the pious community since 4006 B.C. - now on the web!
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© Copyright Martin J Burn 2000
