Mayhem

Using a small dumpster as cover, two figures dressed in black watch the ensuing mayhem.

Nikita: They still keep coming, Michael.

Michael: Well, you know what to do.

Nikita presses the detonator and sees several bodies take to the air. Swords, battle axes, daggers and other hand held weapons fall damn close to her.

Michael: Um... that will only hold them for a few minutes.

A small man with a limp appears.

The Man from another planet(smiling and repeating monotonously): Sdaeh rieht htiw ffo! Sdeah rieht htiw ffo! Sdaeh rieht htiw ffo! Sdeah rieht htiw ffo!

Nikita: What's he saying?

Michael: Birkoff, see if you translate this.

Birkoff: Okay. Lemme hear it.

Michael points comm toward direction of TMFAP.

Elsewhere,

Quinn: Come on guys, we can be number one. They're busy over there.

Wade: You go first.

Quinn: Chicken!

Quinn runs from behind some boxes into the open. He doesn't see a man dressed in a trenchcoat hiding behind the nearby building.

Mulder: (targets Quinn) Stop FBI! Where's Krycek!

Quinn comes to a skidding halt and raises his hands. Quinn: I don't know who you're talking about.

Remmy, Arturo, Wade: Shoot him now! He's the alien bounty hunter!

Quinn: I am not. Guys, this isn't funny.

Mulder: Um... if I shoot him and he is the alien bounty hunter then this gas comes out and we all die. I got something better.

Mulder pulls out something from his trenchcoat and presses the button on object. Out pops a very sharp pointy object- the stiletto.

Mulder: Die bounty hunter!

Mulder makes a mad dash toward Quinn wielding the sharp object in his hand. Quinn just stares in disbelief.

Scully: Mulder stop!

Mulder disregards her and Scully's forced to shoot him once again. Mulder drops to the ground several feet away from Quinn. Quinn just stares at Mulder.

Scully: (resigned) Damn you Mulder, you wasted another bullet. Now Skinner's going to have our ass for you going to the hospital once again. Our hospital bills combined make up the budget of several small countries.

Meanwhile, Wade, Remmy, and Arturo make a run for it and almost reach the building Quinn was running toward, but stop near the fallen bodies.

Corey: Wade, don't leave me!

Wade stops and sees someone moving under a pile of bodies.

Wade: He's alive.

Remmy: Of course he is. The author would never kill him off.

Arturo: I don't know about that. She did once didn't she?

Corey: She rewrote it. I don't die.

Wade: We'll see about that.

Wade walks over and picks up a broadsword.

Remmy: Uh... Wade I wouldn't do that if I were you?

Wade goes over to where Corey has partially pushed the others off of him.

Corey: (anxious) Wade, what are you doing?

Wade raises the broadsword above her head.

Wade: There can only be one number one Best Television Series Ever Created!!!

Wade walks over and picks up a broadsword.

Remmy: Uh... Wade I wouldn't do that if I were you?

Wade goes over to where Cory has partially pushed the others off of him.

Cory: (anxious) Wade, what are you doing?

Wade raises the broadsword above her head.

Wade: There can only be one number one Best Television Series Ever Created!!!

Cory saw the strangest thing in his long life - a blue aura flickered around Wade.

Cory: (panicky) What the hell... (pushes and slaps at the pile of reviving immortals on him) I'm getting out of here. GET OFF! GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!!!!

A confused Wade looks around and feels something heavy in her hands. She lowers it and sees a broadsword. The reflection on a young woman shines off the blade.

Wade: (barely audible voice) Oh boy. (looks at the chaos around her as she drops the sword) Al! Where are you Al?

Cory: (nervous chuckle) Wade, are you okay? I thought you were going to kill me. (He kicks the last immortal off and grabs the broadsword)

Wade: (thinking) So my name is Wade. What have I stumbled into this time? This is so weird. I must be on a movie studio set. I've seen some of these people before. I think I've seen them before. Ugh... my swiss-cheesed memory. I wonder who this guy is. Okay, Sam, you're a woman again.

Al: Swoon. Do it Sam. He'll catch you and we need time to figure this out.

Wade/Sam jerks her head to the left and sees Al, his holographic friend, dressed in a bright red jacket with a blinding orange tie.

Cory: Wade, what's the matter? Hey, are you okay? Shell shocked?

Al: (insistent) Well, what are you waiting for? He's getting suspicious considering this woman you leaped into just tried to kill him.

Wade: (mumbling) With a sword Al. What's going on here?

Cory: What? I didn't hear you.

Wade: (clears throat) I dunno. (nods slightly to Al)

In the background, the little man with a limp is talking to a military dressed man and woman, a woman hovering over a wounded man, two older men arguing with a younger one, several trenchcoat clad people running for cover. Weapons were strewn all over the place.

Cory takes a few tentative steps forward as Wade looks around. Sam thinks Cory is close enough so he does his best faint. He was right as Cory quickly rushes forward and catches her, dropping the sword in the process.

Cory places Wade on the ground and whistles toward Quinn, Arturo and Remmy. They ignore him.

Remmy: (annoyed) Look at the mess you got us into.

Arturo: (condescending) Yes, I have to agree with Mr. Brown's assessment. It's your fault my boy.

Quinn: ME? I almost got killed here by that... whoever and whatever he was holding. (points to a prone Mulder) You didn't help by saying that I was an alien bounty hunter.

Remmy and Arturo: Huh? You were hearing things.

Quinn: Where's Wade?

Remmy: She went over to go kill Cory.

Arturo: I wonder where Miss Welles ran off with that sword.

Quinn: Ah... leave her alone. She can take care of herself.

Remmy and Arturo bitchslap Quinn at the same time.

Quinn: Hey! What was that for? (rubs his cheeks)

Remmy: For being a heartless bastard.

Arturo: Seems to be the right thing to do at the time. You, my boy, richly deserve it.

Meanwhile...

Scully checks on Mulder's gunshot wound to the left shoulder.

Scully: Mulder lie on the ground and keep still. (she pushes him down as he struggles to get up) I don't want to shoot you again.

Mulder: (insistent) He's the bounty hunter, Scully. He almost killed you and me several times!

Scully: (raises her eyebrow in the classic Scully pose) Mulder, calm down or I'll have to sedate you.

Mulder: (deadpan) Marry me, Scully.

Near the dumpster...

Nikita: Birkoff, what's he saying?

Birkoff's voice: I'll be a few minutes. (sound of clanking keystrokes)

TMFAP: Sdaeh rieht htiw ffo! Sdaeh rieht htiw ffo! Sdaeh rieht htiw ffo!

Michael: We don't have time for this. (shots the right kneecap of the TMFAP)

A smile crosses Michael's face. Now the little man has two limps.

Nikita: (alarm) Michael!

TMFAP: (furious) Dammit! I was doing you both a favor. I was saying "Off with their heads," you morons.

Nikita: You're cancelled. (pulls the trigger) No one calls us morons.

Michael: Well done, Nikita. Now we can finish our mission.

Nikita and Michael both smile as they step over the lifeless body with an extra hole in his head.

Near several crates besides the building...

Duncan: YES! We won. We are the champions!

Amanda: We sure are. The fools will never get here.

Richie: I'll say. They're all distracted.

Duncan: Where's Cory?

Richie: Dunno. Last I saw him, he was flying through the air.

Mac and Richie chuckle as they remembered the last time Cory got blown up.

Amanda: Oh not again.

Duncan: Don't worry about Cory-boy. He can take care of himself.

The trio look around when they feel the "BUZZ" of another immortal nearby.

Methos: What took you guys so long? I've got some beer. (lifts up a case in each hand)

Duncan and Richie: I do.

Amanda: Do you have any wine?

Methos: No, my dear.

Amanda: Okay. It better be cold then.

Methos put the cases on top of a crate, opens one up and hands the cold beer to the others.

Methos: So you think anyone is going to catch up with us?

Duncan: (opens up his can) Nah. We're too far ahead.

Amanda: Probably in few months. (shoves her can into Duncan's face) Can you open this for?

Duncan: (mutters) Yes, dear.

Richie: Which gives us time to watch the mayhem. (hops atop of a crate to watch the action)

Methos: Like I always say. Live. Grow stronger. Fight another day.

All: Cheers (All four clink their cans together)

Duncan: So how did the word get out about this competition?

Mac stares at Methos over his beer. Amanda and Richie follow suit.

Methos: Me?!? It wasn't me! It was....

To Be Continued







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