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Zark's Clues"Here at Center Neptune, deep beneath the sea, I am always busy watching the galaxy for signs of enemy invaders. I don't get many visitors here in Nerve Center, but I don't get lonely - I have my dog 1-Rover-1 to keep me company. He's a robot too, you know. What's that, 1-Rover-1? Oh, you want to play a game." 1-Rover-1 yarped a few times "What's Blue's Clues?" The robot dog yarped at length, explaining the premise of Blue's Clues. This roughly translated as "Blue is a puppy who communicates with her owner by using pawprints as clues. When the owner has located three pawprints, he has to work out Blue's message. I want to play Blue's Clues with you." "Oh, of course I'll play, 1-Rover-1." 1-Rover-1 chased his own tail for a moment while yarping melodically, then produced an organic carbon based palmtop data entry device and a solid state marker and handed them to Zark. "Why, a notebook and crayon, how quaint. Thank you. What do we do now?" More yarping. "Oh, look for clues." Zark rotated as he looked around his control room, but he saw no pawprints. He laughed indulgently, "Silly me, you haven't had time to put the clues out yet. Let me know when you're ready and then we'll play." Just then, a message came in from G-Force. "Zark, we've completed our mission and we're on our way home." "That's wonderful Commander. Great work, well done and have a good journey back". Zark set the hyperspace navigation protocols in action and terminated the communication. He was just about to say how proud he was of G-Force and how he wished he could go on a mission with them, when he heard a tremendous metallic clang in his very near vicinity. "Goodness, 1-Rover-1, what was that? Is someone attacking the base?" 1-Rover-1 yarped reassuringly. "But it could be Zoltar. What if he's found Center Neptune? He'd be able to conquer the whole galaxy from here." More yarping. Someone who was not only familiar with the robot dog's style of communication but also possessed a modicum of subtlely, might have caught a faint trace of guilt in its tone. It went right over Zark's head. "Well, if you're quite certain. But that sounded so close. I was rather worried." He started to walk to another control panel and part of his body casing got caught on one of his legs and clattered to the floor. "Oh! I'm falling to pieces! Oh my goodness. That means I'll be replaced for sure. It's one thing to forget my own birthday, but quite another to go to pieces on the job. And what will Susan think? What's that 1-Rover-1? Did you do this?" Zark picked up the sad piece of plating. "Oh my, this is your footprint isn't it? I can't believe you hit me! That was a very irresponsible thing to do. My integrated digital thermofibrilation controller must have been just microns from being smashed to pieces. I suppose it was due for a service anyway, but even so, 1-Rover-1, I'm very disappointed in you. What do you mean it's part of the game? Did you say I'm your first clue? I, 7-Zark-7, am your first clue? Oh, well, that's all right then. I'm very flattered. And you're quite right, that little piece of plating is easily replaceable. One of the panel beating droids down in maintenance will have it straightened out in seconds. Well, well, I'm your first clue. So what happens now?" Yarp yarp yarp. Zark opened up the notebook and held the crayon artistically in his hand. "So, we draw a football shape for my body, a line here and here, add some lights, don't forget the fosdic, arms, legs and antennae and voila, a picture of me. And a very good likeness it is, even if I say so myself, especially considering it's drawn with such a crude implement." 1-Rover-1 would have rolled his eyes but his designers hadn't seen that sort of ability as a functional requirement. Which is just as well, he would have spent fully 12 hours out of every 24 rolling his eyes otherwise, and he had far more important maintenance tasks to be getting on with. "So, I have to find two more clues. Now, where can they be?" A small electrical fire in the console nearest to 1-Rover-1 distracted him and he flustered only momentarily before grabbing a compact fire extinguisher and putting it out. Sparks continued to shoot out of the smoking metalwork, interspersed with a holographic image. Of the pawprint of a robot dog. "Oh my goodness, is that another clue? This is getting dangerous, 1-Rover-1. It's a good job that unit doesn't do anything crucial. In fact, out of all the consoles in here, that one was the least important. Well, at least we're all safe and nothing really bad happened. So, where's my notebook?" Zark produced the notebook from the approximate location of where a back pocket would be if he was designed to wear jeans, and carefully drew a picture of an electrical fire with his crayon. "1-Rover-1, if you're going to carry on being so destructive, I shall have to put you in for a service." The robot dog buried its head apologetically beneath its metal paws. "Well, two clues. Go over there and get the spare fire extinguisher, I don't want to be without it if you're going to behave like this." Tail spinning, the robot dog helicoptered uneconomically across the room and brought back the fire extinguisher. At that moment, the Phoenix appeared on the viewscreens. It had finished its journey through timewarp and was starting its approach to Earth. Zark ran through his transponder and telemetry checklists and secured a clear path through the robot defence systems. "All cleared for re-entry, G-Force". And then he noticed the pawprint, wavering over the image. "Is that the third clue?" Zark quickly pulled out his notebook and sketched the Phoenix. Setting his controls to automatic he asked 1-Rover-1 "So we have all 3 clues. Now what do we do?" Yap yaap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yaaap yaaap yaa-aa-aa-aa-aa-aap, sang the dog. "Sit down in our thinking chair? Well, when I want to have a quiet think I go to my relaxation room for a 10 second oil break. I've got a chair there." He strolled into his transport tube and stepped out again next to the shower unit. Back in the main control room, 1-Rover-1 hurried away to another part of Center Neptune, making sure the door was very securely closed behind him. "So, what were the clues again? Me, an electrical fire, and the Phoenix. Well, there could be a fire on the Phoenix and I could spot it with my sensors and warn G-Force so they could put it out? Except the Phoenix is nearly home now and there is no sign of any onboard technical problem. So, what else could it be? If the Phoenix isn't suffering any fire or electrical problems, does that mean that I am? And what could the Phoenix possibly have to do with that?" The Phoenix splashed down into the sea, the water droplets from the surf prisming the sunlight into a brief rainbow. It banked gracefully through the water, trailing bubbles of steam that spiralled behind it like a ticker tape welcome. And it banked just a little too close to Center Neptune and the trailing nacelle took a chunk out of the side. Which just happened to open into Zark's relaxation suite. Shreds of the station's hull burst into the room, piercing his casing and making him spark as much as the burning control panel. Then the water flooded in, crushing him against the inner wall, and then bouncing him off again so that he bobbed out of the hole into the open sea. "Oh, so that's what the clues meant!", were his last thoughts before his circuits shorted out. -o-O-o- G-Force kicked back in the R & R room. Tiny allowed himself extra double cheese and pickle on his spaceburgers, Princess and Keyop jammed jovially, thrashing out DN5 tunes with the enthusiasm of Jimi Hendrix and Cozy Powell. Mark and Jason leaned on the edge of their ping pong table with a surreptitious imported beer and a spaceburger each. "Another one down. It can't be too long now before QT Labs stop building that model and we get the 8-Zark-8." "Please, please tell me it's true that they took the personality programming out of that one?" "True as this burger tastes good." "Sweet." "It's good that 1-Rover-1 always gives him a sporting chance too, means we don't have to feel guilty." Their comm screen lit up. Team members with beer hid the bottles from view as quickly as they could. The familiar metal domed head of a Zark appeared, and its oddly maternal tones filled the room. "I'm so sorry to have been indisposed for the last few days, team. I just want you to know that I'm fully functional again and working better than ever. There is no better reason for a robot to exist than to serve...", saluting, "G-Force." G-Force lined up and saluted back, as was their way, and the comm screen winked off again. Like five acting as one, they sagged. "Aroot doot - failed again" "Oh well, here's to next time. They can't keep on replacing him much longer." "Back to the ping pong then, Skipper". -o-O-o- Blues Clues of course belongs to Nickelodeon. |
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