4th and Goal Commentary
Living Together
By Bill McCartney
Sure, it's popular! But, unmarried couples that choose to live
together are courting disaster.
I'm Bill McCartney... It's 4TH and Goal!
Whether it's due to skepticism about marriage, a fear of commitment,
or pure lust, many men and women are choosing to live with each other,
apart from marriage.
All cohabiting couples have their reasons. They tell themselves
that a marriage certificate is only a piece of paper, and that they don't
need to justify their love for each other. Or, they believe that
living together will enable them to test the strength of their relationship.
It's maximum pleasure with minimum problems - a deep relationship combined
with personal freedom. And, remaining together is based on choice
rather than legal compulsion.
But, these couples are deluding themselves. According to sociologist,
Pamela Smock, most couples who live together either marry or break up within
eighteen months.
Only one in six are still living together after three years, and just
one in ten are with each other after five. And, those that do marry
are far more likely to end up divorced. Smock says, "When you look
at the data, it becomes difficult to maintain the position that marriage
isn't better." It is.
Other experts find that cohabiting seems to affect those involved by
making them more individualistic, and less relationship-oriented.
In fact, studies show that married couples who don't live together before
they tie the knot are happier, more faithful to each other, and better
off financially than live-ins.
It may sound old-fashioned, but it's obvious that marriage - not 'shacking
up' - is still the best option for couples who truly want a satisfying
and long-lasting relationship. As one marriage expert says, even
if it's used as a trial marriage, "it should really be [called] a trial
divorce."
If you're truly in love with a woman, the best recipe for a lasting,
satisfying and happy relationship is to get to know her thoroughly as a
person - and save sexual intimacy for marriage.
I'm Coach Bill McCartney.
Source material: "A Prelude To Divorce," July/August "New Man" magazine;
"Living Together," by Kerby Anderson from www.probe.org,
10/8/98.
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4th and Goal - Coaching for Life's Tough Calls, with Bill McCartney,
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