| What are some coping skills that you have used that have really helped you to cope with training? |
| It helps me to bring homemade dinner to the hospital every night that my husband is on call, provided he has time to share it with me when my husband comes home from call, we make the most of the rest of that day. we go walking or hiking, treat ourselves to a nice meal out, or see a movie we keep a very regular sleep schedule when he's not on call...always 8 hours. this helps a lot. also, I get up with him and make breakfast every morning so we can spend a few minutes together then. Making sure my work time is balanced and good for me. Meditating. Writing. Making sure to see my own friends. Having my own things to feel successful about. I haven't found many...I am trying to find hobbies that interest me but no luck so far there are no skills that I have found that has made this easier Humor, a rich network of friends, self esteem, taking time for my needs, focusing on what is working, couple-only time, spacing our children out, goal setting and progress.... a sense of humor is the most important thing, followed by the ability to ask for help, followed the the ability to get mad without blaming Remembering to build my own life and not wait on him to provide that for me. We struggle a little with blending our two lives together, but we manage for the most part Trying to keep on a routine, exercise and finding outlets for myself so that the stress doesn't build up. When things would get too bad, I would go for a visit home or to a friends. I came to the conclusion that I could not fix my husband's life, and that I needed to regroup and get some fun and joy from others when my husband was too draining on me. I once explained to my husband that I never even attempt to plan my life around his schedule because he lives in what I call a "timeless zone". In other words I pretty much always count on him not being around so when he is it is a pleasant surprise. Let me say that I am often pleasantly surprised because of this! We each make extra efforts to be physically and emotionally supportive of each other ( I think more so than the other married couples we know) because we both know we have difficult lives at present. Another really big coping skill I've had to learn is patience and along with that the concept of delayed gratification. Our goals as a couple are now mostly very long term goals with many little, short-term goals along the way to achieve the big stuff. Finally, I've learned to not take things personally. When my husband can't be there because of his work, I know it is not because he doesn't want to be there or because some evil attending is forcing him to be there - it's because he has a career that deals with the sick and the injured and illness and injury cannot be "scheduled" by the patients my husband sees. I've learned to have compassion for people I have never met and will never meet - my husband's patients. I think that has made a great deal of difference in my ability to cope with training. |
| great communication and always keeping in mind that this is just a means to an end! Talk to friends. Having friends who's husbands are also physicians is essential. My friends at church have become like an extended family. My faith in Christ is the foundation that allows me to give so much to my family. Confide in my mom via e-mail, as well as other women who are married to physicians at my job (I'm a nurse). Try to just do my own thing much of the time, which is starting to be detrimental to our marriage in some respects. Keep my calm being understading and letting him spread his wings. Finding outlets for myself including outside socialization and interests. Using the message boards at medicalspouse.com and seeing a counselor to have someone to talk to. Once in a while I will talk to friends but they often can't relate because none of them are in the medical field. Patience and knowing that his presence in my life and our love is really all that matters. We found that talking through both of our feelings helped us understand each other better I stay REALLY busy. |
| keep busy with my own studies, work, and friends Find outside interests, friends, places to escape for breaks. drink and have sex with other guys without him knowing reading, active sports (soccer, running) take a step back and look at things another way My husband and I recently moved to a new house on the water in a neighborhood where I can spend a lot of time watching birds, running along the beach, going tide pooling, etc. Although it's really too expensive, we made the decision to accumulate the extra debt so that I would have a home that gave me the extra comfort that I don't always get from him. He is also really good about studying while he is on call, so that when he is at home he can spend personal time with me. We have nice dinners five nights a week. We sit on the balcony and watch the sun set. We run and hike together. He makes the extra effort to be efficient so that he doesn't feel guilty about spending time with me. I also do everything I can to take on all the projects that it's not necessary for him to do. For example, I am tracking all the residency research that we are doing, keeping it on a spreadsheet and collecting the associated documents. By handling that paperwork when I have spare time, I free him to spend quality time with me. We also travel a lot, so that we can get away from it all and focus on each other. We have traveled more since med school began than ever, and it's so worth it. Mostly we just love each other, and respect each other, and that makes everything so much easier. Luckily I have a very loving and understanding lady by my side. For us, coping is a joint effort. We are both going through this together, patience and understanding of what the other is feeling/thinking is key for us. Humor always helps. It also helps me when I keep myself busy with work/hobbies of my own. It doesn't do any good to sit around a sulk about how much you miss you spouse, it took me a while to get over that. Take advantage of the time you have with yourself and do something positive with it. Overall, good communication solves most problems. |
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