| Latest News (Scroll down for newest entry) |
| Well, I am starting this web page so that some family members and friends might be able to understand me a little better. Some know whats going on, others only know part of the story, and some don't know at all. I am excited about having this posted, and I am looking forward to getting responses in my e-mail. However, I am somewhat worried about how certain people will react. Alot of people have never seen this side of me before, I am usually pretty closed off and quiet. I have decided that I am going to stop hiding myself from the world and be myself. I am not going to keep consealing my feelings to protect other people. I am me and no can change that. Take it or leave it, what you see is what you get. I am tired of being misunderstood and thought of as "crazy." Hopefully this will help at least a little bit. I am human and have feelings just like everyone else. Just because I have a different way of coping doesn't make me insane, evil, or a bad person. SI isn't who I am, but it is a part of my life, and I have come to accept it. I will continue to keep updating this page and adding more information when I get it. I thank all of those who have supported me though all of this (you know who you are.) For those who have a problem with me, it is your problem and as of now I am not going to take your garbage anymore. I intend to update this page as often as I can. It is likely that I will have things changed around every so often, but you should still be able to find your way around. Thanks for visiting. Remember to e-mail me with your responses! :) Marie - 05/17/01 |
 |
| First of all, I would like to thank everyone who has visited my site. I have received alot of positive feedback, as well as some very good suggestions and ideas. If there is anything else you would like to see on this page let me know! (Any information I am missing or forgot to mention, or any ideas on how it can be improved.) I am almost done with this year of school and will be on summer break. I will have more time to work on this page and add new things. Also, I will work on starting a support group by e-mail. When I am able to work on it, I will explain it more in detail. So far, my family and friends that have visited this site have been glad that I put it up. They say that it has helped them to know why I SI, and some of what I have gone through. That was a great relief, you all know that I was worried ;) Your support has helped me in countless ways. Thank you. Please spread the word about my site to anyone you think would like to see it, or would find it interesting. If you have a page and would like to link my page to it, please let me know so that I can visit yours. Check in now and then to see what's new! Marie - 05/26/01 |
|
 |
 |
|
| I am out of school for the summer now! It seems that everyone has plans to go somewhere except for me....hehe. Oh well. I am so glad that I am out of school, that is alot of stress off of my mind. I will be working on the poetry and story pages soon. Check in and see what new things I have posted. I still need poetry and stories from anyone who is willing to share. At first I was hesitant to even start this web page, much less show my poetry to anyone. Actually I am very glad that I did because it helped me alot. I don't know why for sure, I guess it is just because you are able to get everything out. I know that it helps me personally to read other peoples stories and poetry, it reminds me that I am not alone in this situation. Others have told me that it helps them in some of the same ways. So anything that you are willing to let me post would be greatly appreciated by not only me, but many others as well. Also, I mentioned before that I was wanting to start a kind of "support group" by e-mail. I will open a page for it, but unfortunately I don't have any other addresses yet. So once again, if you would like to participate, contact me please. My e-mail is : meadow_si@razorblade.co.uk In the subject line put "Support Group". In the message please include your name (it can be a sign on name or anything you would like to be called) and your e-mail. It will work as sort of a pen-pal relationship. You can share your stories with others who understand and provide support for eachother. Thanks everyone! Marie - 06/02/01 |
| Hey everyone! I added a few new poems that I have written on the site starting with "Freezing Fire." I am working on getting some of your poems and stories up as well, so send me stuff!!! I look forward to finding out what all of you have to say, I know there is some talent out there. If you think your poetry sucks....I don't care SEND IT because I am willing to bet that is far from the truth. Anything that is sent will be greatly appreciated. If you don't want to be known, it can be anonymous, whatever you are comfortable with. Remember the e-mail support, let me know if you want to participate! Again, thankyou to everyone who has sent e-mails and stories. Take care! Marie - 06/06/01 |
|
| I just added a few polls to my site. Please vote! I will add more poll questions later. If there is something that you would like me to poll please suggest it to me. Thank you to all who have helped me, you know who you are. Keep writting! Marie - 06/13/01 |
|
| It has been a while since I have updated this site. Since then I have had some suggestions regarding the e-mail support. Hopefully the additions will help, I still need more voulenteers. Also, I have added a poetry page called "Coping With Catastrophe: A Collection Of Poetry". If you haven't already, please take a look. So far I have one person who has submitted poetry. *Thanks Rhapsody!* Please help me make this page the best that I can by sending me any poetry that you are willing to post. I am also still looking for personal stories. You DON'T have to use your real name if you wish not to. Just give a screen name if you like. Just let me know what is most comfortable, and I will work with you. Some of you have asked me to let you know what is going on with me in the latest news area. Right now I am doing alright. I am going through a little bit of a rough patch at the moment, hopefully nothing I can't handle. Thankfully, I can not remember the last time that I have cut. *YAY!* I still have very strong urges, but I have been able to overcome them. I will usually work on my site to distract myself. Oh yeah...I finally got my dirvers license. For those of you who know me, BEWARE!! HAHA! ;) All of you take care and please keep in contact with me. Marie - 0709/01 |
|
| I know that I haven't updated in a while. I am hoping to get some personal stories up as soon as I can. I've been promised at least two, and I will get them to you as soon as possible. Personally I am doing alright. I started my first day of school August 6th. It's going alright so far, but it is more stressful than I originally thought it would be. It turns out I've been "selected" as they say, to be put into a support group at school. I have no idea what its about or who is in it. I think people are starting to watch me more closely again. I'm not sure why, I guess I don't blame them. Oh, if anyone has any recomendations on sleep, please e-mail me....lol. Other than that everything seems to be going alright. Thankyou for your submissions and e-mails. Take care. Marie - 08/25/01 |
|
| Hey everyone. I have added three new poems to my site that I have written, and more will be added soon.. I am also changing some things around, along with the look of things on the pages. I am having trouble telling people about this site (advertising) without having to spend money on a search engine. So please send this link to anyone you know that would be interested and spread the word. If anyone has any ideas on how to get the word out please let me know. I've tried to get onto several web rings, but for some reason my applications aren't getting through. Personally, I've been slipping again. I haven't cut in a long time, but the urges are getting stronger. At this time of the year, I just get really bad for some reason. On November 8th, it was the one year annaversary of me being released from the hospital. I think that in part, that may have something to do with what is bothering me. I am doing my best to hang in there. So far, so good. I am pretty much on my own for right now. I am too scared to tell anyone what I am feeling for fear of having people over react. I don't want this to get out of hand. It seems that everything is slowly starting to fall apart as I am frantically trying to hold it all together. I will just have to keep on going, I don't have much of a choice. Another thing that I would like to do, is thank my friend Chris for being there for me. He has never given up on me and has always had words of encouragement. He has never let me down and I know that he will continue to help me in any way that he can. I just hope that I won't let him down. Thankyou for everything, Chris. You help me more than you could ever know. Remember that I do get online and I am willing to talk to anyone who wants to chat. My new sign on name is starving_tears on yahoo/cheetachat and I still use meadow_of_razors as well. Feel free to pm me if I am on. I also have other chat programs such as icq, aol, and msn. E-mail me if you would like my names for those. Thanks everyone. Marie - 11/10/01 |
|
 |
| I hope that everyone likes what I have done with the page. It's keeping me busy which is really what I need. Everything was hectic this week with school. I had reports to present, a book to finish, the school newspaper deadline, and choir practice for our concerts on Sunday and Monday. Also, on Wednesday the 12th, I was inducted into the National Honor Society. I guess that it is a big honor, I didn't even know what it was until I got the letter saying that I had been accepted! It was nice, and I think that I will like it. Next week is finals and I hope that I do well. I don't know why for sure, maybe its all the stuff going on and being stressed out...but I kind of lost it earlier this week. I almost cut myself.....I was at the point where I was actually holding a razor and had locked myself in a room. I don't know what brought it on. Everything was going alright, and then WHAM! It seemed like the world was coming to an end. Somehow I managed to hold off. Amazingly I didn't cut, and I haven't since the middle of August of this year. I have been extremely tempted latey, but I really don't know why. I'll just snap and feel horrible. Hopefully it will pass. Has anyone else had this or something similar happen to them? What did you do? I would really appreciate some feedback on this. Thankyou and take care. Marie - 12/14/01 |
|
| I don't know what to do. Almost 4 months....and... I cut. Marie - 12/15/01 |
|
| Hi everyone. Well, I not only blew it once the other day, but a second time one day later. I've got about 10 cuts on my thigh. I am just going to have to deal, and start over again. That's basically all that I can do, right? I took 3 out of 4 finals today. I think that I did well. I was very worried about that and I think that it contributed to my frustration and anxiety as well as other things. I am almost done with school for the semester.. I just have to go to school 2 more days, then I get two weeks off, I can't wait. Christmas is almost here, and my birthday is the day after. I hope that those go well. My big brothers are going to come here with any luck. If they find out about this I'm worried of what they will say. I've been wanting to give them my website address (one of the reasons I started this page in the first place) but I am scared to because 2 of them are extremely religious and the 3rd is very protective, he gets to see me more often than the other two. I know they love me, but it's hard. I know I should tell them and give them my site so that they have a better idea of what I am going through. What should I do? On an upnote, I was accepted to the Bodies Under Siege webring. Some of you may have gotten here using it. I hope that more people will be able to see my site because of it. If anyone has any advice, suggestions, or just want to talk about anything e-mail me at: meadow_si@razorblade.co.uk I'll write back I promise!!! Thanks everyone and stay safe. Marie - 12/19/01 |
|
| Merry Christmas! Well, so far I am doing much better. Everything that has been going on with the holidays has kept me very distracted. My Christmas went very well. My brothers couldn't make it unfortunately, but maybe they can come at a later date. Tomorrow is my Birthday and I don't know what is going to happen. I will be 17 years old! A few days earlier, I found out some things about a friend of mine. As it turns out she wasn't who I thought she was and we felt that things would be better if we ended our friendship. There were many misunderstandings and LIES that couldn't be sorted through. It really is a shame, I am saddened by it, but things will be much better this way. Friends aren't supposed to stab you in the back and laugh at you when you are most vulneralble. Someone once told me that a friend is someone who walks in, when the rest of the world walks out. I think that sums it up quite nicely. So if you are letting someone screw you over repeatedly and you keep getting walked all over, get out of it now because it won't get any better. Don't be forgiving (stupid) like me. It will keep happening. You are worth more than that, save yourself some undeserved pain. You cannot have lies, it will only come back to haunt you over and over. For now, I am going to back off on having friends. This is yet another example of how things go for me in my social life. I'm not sure why, over all, I don't think that I am a bad person. I do have my family right now who I am close to, and that is all that I need for now. I love having this webpage and I love to get e-mail from people who want to talk. That also keeps me going, it is a great help to be able to talk to people who have similar problems. Thankyou for all of the support, take care and be careful this holiday season! Marie - 12/25/01 |
|
| What does everyone think about a message board? Would you post if I put one up? I will be looking for one during the next few days that I can try. If you think it's a good idea, and you would post, mail me and let me know. I got an e-mail from someone who had a question. She was wondering if there was anyone else who would put things inside their cuts. For example she would put permanent marker at the end of a needle and cut with it. If anyone has any comments e-mail me and I will get the messages to her. I would put her e-mail up but I do not have permission. It was questions like these that made me think of a message board. I think that it would be a great thing and would help people with support and be able to ask/answer questions. My only worry is that people might not post, and in which case I will shut it down. I am willing to give it a try if people will participate. Let me know what you think! Marie - 12/27/01 |
|
| I'm adding a few poems that I wrote this afternoon. They're not that great, but I'm posting them anyway. :) Marie - 12/28/01 |
|
| Tonight I added a story to the personal stories page and poetry to the "Coping With Catastrophy: A Collection of Poetry" on my site. Check it out, it's worth the time. It has been a tireing week for sure. Christmas, my birthday, losing friends, and more...lol. Ah well. In case people are wondering why I've been updating everyday, it's because I'm on winter break and I have alot of free time for myself for once! Other than that there isn't alot going on at this time. I haven't cut, and I'm healing well. I've been tempted but I have managed to keep myself busy. Just working on the site! Keep visiting!!! Marie - 12/29/01 *We Love You Misty* |
|
|
| It's been several months since I've been able to update this page. There has been alot that has happened. I had posted on the cover page in July that things had prevented me from being able to update. The fact was that in January, I think it was on the 22nd, I had what they called "an episode." I overdosed on anything I could find in the cupboard and cut my arm about 60 times. My mom found me on the bathroom floor and my parents rushed me to the hospital. It had already been over three hours since I OD'ed so they couldn't pump my stomach, so they just kept me under close watch for the rest of the night. I barely remember anything. They were wanting to send me back to the mental hospital for obvious reasons, but my parents were able to talk them out of it and swore that they would make sure that I was "safe" so they could take me home. The next day I slept through, and the day after that I shook horribly and could barely walk. (Moral of the story: Don't overdose on anything, it doesn't do any good, and it makes everything a million times worse.) So anyway, I've recovered from that along time ago. I had to go to counseling once a week but that soon ended. They've got more important things to deal with I guess. They changed my meds again, I'm on three different things now. After the "incident" everything seemed to get alot better. My parents acted human, I wasn't so down, and I stopped cutting. I didn't have time to think about cutting because I was so busy. Now, for the first time in about two months, I thought about cutting today. It keeps nagging at me. Everything in the last week has just gone crazy. Without going into detail, its just really fucked up. I've been able to resist. I think that I will be able to continue with not having to cut. All I know is that I will do my best to try. I've been doing pretty well, otherwise. I've been able to stay very active in choir, I even made state regionals. My grades are well as always, and my brother has come to visit my family and that is a BIG help. I will try to make the updates not so far apart. My e-mail has changed to mina_mae@hotmail.com Everyone take care! Marie - 03/24/02 |
|
| Last night I had a very vivid dream that I had cut myself very badly on my leg. I had carved words into it and I was trying to hide it. I got caught by a school official and I woke up. I had to look and make sure there was nothing there because it was so real. Obviously, there wasn't, but it was one of the most triggering things I have ever experienced. Things seem to be getting worse around here. I start school again tomorrow. I have been off for our two week intersession. All I did was seem to piss of my parents the whole time. I got in serious trouble over something that was insanely trival and they won't seem to let it go. My family life is slowly starting to fall apart again. My parents fighting has been on the rise, and I have just been trying to stay out of it. They finally dragged me in to one again, and they haven't in a long time. Pressure seems to be mounting on me about everything, but the strange thing is...there is nothing for me to be pressured about. I feel absolutely overwhelmed and over exahusted, but there is no reason for it. I also had another panic attack. Again....the last time I had one was nearly a year ago. I don't understand it. So far the last time I have cut was in January. I've been able to hold off, but for some reason today, it was very hard for me to restrain. On the up-side, I recieved another addition to the personal stories page. I posted it today, and I was able to relate to some of the things that she said. Thankyou Nicki for sharing. I'll update as things come up. Thankyou everyone for your support. Oh yeah! Happy Easter!!! Marie - 03/31/02 |
|
| Well, I blew it. Again. I hadn't cut since January until earlier this week. I cut my arm, not deep at all, it barely even bled. I managed to stop myself from doing more cuts because I know that I'll get busted and be hauled back into counseling. If it helped, I'd go. Is it wrong to want to keep cutting? Is it really so horrible? Just because it doesn't fit into what they think is right. It helps. That is the bottom line. I wish everyone would leave me alone. I quit, but I always go back to it. I don't know why I even try anymore. I know it'll happen, it's just a matter of time. I sound horrible. I know I shouldn't be hurting myself, but I need it. I've tried the alternatives, and learned what to do when I feel this way, but it doesn't help, and no one really cares or understands....I mean TRUELY understands. There are some girls at school that have started to cut. They know that I do and a little bit of why. It really makes me wonder if they are doing it because of me. I really hope I'm not teaching people or giving them ideas. The difference is that they show them off. They walk around saying, "Look what I did." Now THAT is pure attention seeking. I have told them to stop while they can before it's too late. Of course, they don't listen, but they'll wonder why they didn't listen when they are staring at the ceiling of a therapists office, or when they get dragged into the nurses office at school. Who knows, it probably doesn't have anything to do with me, but it makes me wonder. It's not exciting, or cool, or exotic or whatever.....it's an addiction! It makes the people who really do it look like they are just trying to get attention too. Thats why everyone thinks it's all just a show. I just don't know whats wrong with me! I have no reason to be feeling so miserable. I don't know what is going on. It doesn't make any sense. I'm broken, and I guess all the pills in the world can't fix me. No matter how many they shove down my throat. I'm not only crashing, I'm going down in flames. I hate being at this point, but at the same time, it feels real. Not like the plastic artificial screw on smile I display all the time. Now it hurts too much to even pull that off. I think that I'm rambling on. I'll let you guys know how this turns out. Hopefully it'll be ok, I really need a happy ending. Marie - 04/06/02 |
|
| I don't have alot to say today. I've been extremely tired lately, I have no reason to be. School is going alright. I had 2 hours of testing yesterday, and 2 today. I'm seeing little bubble sheets when I close my eyes. I'm doing ok as far as SI goes. I've been trying to focus on a friend that needs help instead of myself. She is having a few problems and I helped her go in to talk to a counselor. She thanked me afterwords and it made me feel really good. I know that she'll be ok, but I still worry about her. I know how she feels. Everyone keep e-mailing me! I'll write more later! Marie - 04/10/02 |
| I am soooooo tired tonight. I feel really bad. I think that I am getting sick, allergies or something. Today was my nephew's Birthday party. I went, it was really cute. Blue's Clues! (He just turned 2.) I got to spend time with my brother and it was overall a really good day. Then it just hit me....(don't ask me what it was because I don't know) and I had to cut. They aren't deep again, it's just alot instead of one. They are on my thigh and there are about 12 of them. They are pretty pathetic, but if they were combined into one it would be really bad....so I guess it's better to have alot of superficial ones than a nicked or cut artery, a severed tendon, or having to have sitches. At least it's helping me a little right now to write about it. I feel better about what I've done (i.e. I did what I had to do at the time). Everything is just dumb. I hate everything. I have no reason for anything right now. I'll just be here. Marie - 04/21/02 |
|
| My site has been up for over a year!!!!! Woo hoo! Sorry for the broken links, they should be fixed now. If anyone has any more problems just let me know ok? There isn't alot going on with me. I am just finishing up my school year. This last month has been long and hard. I've wanted to cut SO badly, but somehow I've managed not to. For that I am proud of myself. As for sleeping, well it still hasn't found me. Restful sleep is something I do not know of. I think that makes things alot harder. I've been working hard on finals and presentations, and now I think I am basically done with most of them. *Yay!* I'm going to be a senior! Well, keep it up everyone. Remember that I am here for you. Marie - 05/24/02 |
|
|
| Well, I cut last Sunday. It was really strange. I think that I must have just......well I'm really not sure what happened. All of a sudden everything seemed horrible and I had this intense need to cut. I cut myself on the inside of my left arm next to 3 other scars. So far no one has noticed yet, so I am hoping that it will heal before anyone does notice. I just feel odd lately. I'm not myself. I seem alot more depressed. I still don't have a reason. My counselors never re-schedule appointments for me, they just cancel them, so they don't even know whats going on. The same thing with my doctor. They really couldn't care less. They say they do.....but HELLO? They think that I need them, but I'm surviving on my own here. So who cares? I am still accepting stories and poetry. Just send them to my e-mail address and I will get them up asap. Everyone take care and I'll try to keep you updated. Marie - 06/08/02 |
|
| Well I have been doing "ok" until recently. Well that's a lie but what I mean is that I haven't hurt myself in a long time, I can't even remember when it was. I guess I'm falling back into my thing where I "dissociate" myself from whats going on. I woke up the day before yesterday and I had burn marks all over my arm - about 6 that are pretty bad. They seem to be healing alright. It really freaked me out when I saw because I don't remember doing it. I tried really hard to remember, and all I remember is a lighter flame and my arm stinging and just feeling sort of lost. What I do remember doesn't even seem to amount to 1 or 2 seconds worth, so I don't know what I was doing before hand or what happened afterwords. I don't know what triggered it. Anyway, my mom saw and had a fit. She threw out the normal "Oh my god why did you do that?!!" line and made me feel even worse about it. I know she is just worried but it makes me feel so guilty and I don't even know why I did it. I don't dare tell anyone. I know they will just drag me out of my home and lock me away. I hate thinking so negatively, but it's so hard not to when this happens. I know the burns will heal and no one else will notice as long as I wear long sleeves. If they do, fuck them, I don't really care. As long as it isn't a doctor or counselor I'll be fine. I am thinking about shutting this site down as no one seems to care anymore. If you care at all, e-mail me and let me know so that I can try to keep it running. I hate to shut it down, but if no one comes here, whats the point? Don't take this like I'm being a bitch, it's just simple fact. I hope all of you who did come here are doing alright, at least better than me. My e-mail is still mina_mae@hotmail.com Remember to let me know if you want this site up and running. Marie - 08/17/02 |
| Well I blew it and cut the hell out of my thigh. 6 large and somewhat deep cuts in a row about an inch apart and 4 or 5 inches long. I usually cut on my arms but I can't because I have to go to the gym and workout and everyone will think I'm insane if I wear long sleeves. Plus its so much easier to hide on your thigh, though its not as effective for me. The weird thing is that when I go for months without cutting like I did this time, I usually feel bad about it but this time I don't. I guess that I needed it SO bad I don't even care. What I do feel bad about is the fact that I feel like a hypocrite because I always tell people to do your best to not cut and look what I go and do. I also have a feeling that this isn't just going to be suppressed. With everything going on right now I need it so bad. I don't want to try to stop again. It feels so good to hurt. I don't even know why I'm posting, really. Just to vent I guess. Do any of you just want to say to hell with it all and cut even after trying to "recover"? Well I never really recovered or wanted to - I was forced to stop or else I'd be hospitalized AGAIN and I don't want that. Anyway I'm rambling so I'll talk to you all soon. Marie - 10/20/02 |
|
|
| Why do I have to live this life? I am so exhausted physically, mentally, and spiritually. I just want to cut my life away and watch my blood spill onto the floor until it's gone - for good. Living is no longer wanted, it's a habit. I can't take it anymore. I can't live and I can't die. I'm trapped in this twisted fucking disaster no matter what I do. I wish I wasn't a failure and such a dissapointment to everyone. I've bent so much I'm ready to shatter. I always try my best to do things for people and make them feel worth while even when they walk all over me -thats my fault too because I let them do it. No one ever says a word to me unless they want something or are paid to do it and we all know what I'm talking about. I don't know what to do. There is no one I can talk to because god forbid I talk about myself, I am just a burden. Yet I have to listen to everyone elses bullshit. It usually makes me feel good to have people talk to me and I like to help or at least try. Lately everyone in my life is going on and on and fucking on about "poor me poor me.." blah blah blah. They are the only people to EVER have problems. I'm not talking about you guys on the site you are all great and I DO love talking to you, it's just mostly my friends and family have gone crazy. UGHH!!!!! I don't even want to read the bullshit I'm writing or hear myself think so I'm going to quit. I don't know what to do anymore and I can't even stand myself. I'll be having a meeting with my favorite piece of tiny metal tonight it looks like. It's the only thing I have left. Marie - 10/21/02 |
|
| Journal entry from 10/23/02 Today has been the day from hell. I got up at 8:00am this morning which gave me 10 minutes to get to school. Somehow I made it. I stepped out of my car and WOOOSH!!! this other car splashes me with thick gooey muddy water. Things have already been shitty for me lately, but for some reason that just did it. Kind of the last straw type of thing. I don't really want to go into what has been bothering me so bad because I've been sworn to secrecy for now. (Don't worry I'm not being abused or anything.) You know how everything just keeps piling up and it eventually becomes too much to handle and it drives you insane? - That's basically what happened. So I called my mom to have her come sign me out so I could change and she could tell something was wrong and she didn't want me to go back to school. For some reason my parents felt that it was necessary to YELL at me because I wouldn't tell them what was wrong. Obviously that made things so much worse and my blood was boiling and I had to do something or I was going to explode. So I got up, went to the bathroom and cut my arm. I've got 7 of the worst cuts I've probably ever had. (Sounds worse than it is when I say it.) About 3 of them keep wanting to bleed. I've never had stitches before so I don't know how bad it has to be to get them. I don't think I need them, but it made me wonder. Hopefully I can just tape them shut and pray that they wont get infected. So anyway I went back into the living room afterwords and my parents said that they wanted to take me to the counseling office since I wouldn't talk to them. *Shit.* At first I wouldn't go inside because I KNEW that they were going to hospitalize me again once they found out about my cuts and I wasn't going to let that happen. Finally they coaxed me inside and I talked to my counselor who was for ONCE....understanding *GASP!!!* It felt like I was in some sort of twilight zone because he usually goes crazy on me. He told me that he wouldn't put me in the hospital as long as I am not suicidal. So all I have to do is see him everyday for the rest of the week to "check in". I got really lucky. So I guess it could have been alot worse, but it was too close for comfort. I was really stupid but thankfully I got out of it somehow. My counselor also talked to my parents for a while about cutting and depression because they really don't understand it at all. They think that you can just brush things off and go on with your day. They don't understand that it's an illness that you can't control. So hopefully he got through to them. I'll stop rambling now. I just needed to vent. I am feeling a little better now. Talk to you all soon. (Originally written on 10/23/02) Marie - 10/24/02 |