Mirror, mirror in my hand,
Who’s the man who just saved the land?
I’ve single handedly rescued my fellow civilians,
By spending my private collection of billions!
Whilst debt was paid off by Costello & Howard,
And each and every Australian was empowered,
I sat on the opposition backbench eating my earwax,
Thinking of ways I’d one day introduce more tax.
I had my ups and downs on the road to the top,
But I persisted, never gave up, never did stop,
Get my teeth capped, new glasses, a new hair style,
On Sunrise with Kochie, all giggles and smiles.
And when I got my chance it really came so easily,
I mean a drover’s dog could’ve beaten Beazley!
And beating old Howard really wasn’t so hard,
The suckers fell for the bullshit, the whole damn façade!
I had a few close shaves, exposed some flaws,
Got pissed in a strip joint, but who’s keeping ‘Scores’?!
Arranged a few ‘coincidental’ dinners with Brian Burke
My wife ripped off her staff, underpaid, overworked,
But I got there, I made it, I’m Australia’s Prime Minister,
I started quietly, stealthily and did nothing sinister.
Just rolled out the clichés and kept my eye on the ball,
In fact, to be honest, I’ve done nothing at all!
I’ve have forums and summits, watches and reviews,
I’ve made sure I lick my lips on the evening news,
Signed Kyoto, said ‘sorry’ and along with Wayne,
I’ve sent consumer confidence down the drain.
The critics said I’d screw it up, ruin a strong economy,
It seems they were right, the bastards are onto me,
I haven’t been helped by the global situation,
But it’s time I did something, tried for salvation.
Howard and Costello left me lots, too much to mention,
I had to do something, but ‘what’ was the question,
I have no ideas, original thoughts are few,
Think, think; “What would Malcolm Turnbull do”?
So I’ve got all this money, and I was feeling the heat,
I’ll give some to the pensioners, I suppose they should eat.
And these first home buyers are doing it tough,
Apparently a $12,000 grant isn’t enough.
I suppose they should save money, but they’ll give me thanks,
I mean, who on earth would put money in banks?
I’ll spend my billions, this is gonna be great,
Australia, my very own welfare state!
I’ll just throw money at people, the battling folk,
So they’ll vote for me again, even though we’ll be broke.
And before you can say ‘there goes the surplus’,
I’m Ruddy, the ringleader of this Labor Party circus.
