| 8 Weeks to go! | ||
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Note: Links will become active as the designated period passes. Check back often! About me! (non-Accutane-related) Month 1 Month 2 Month 3 Month 4
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Week 8 Thursday 04-25-03 And are we surprised, dear reader? Another disappointing week. Sure - I'll keep popping these little yellow pills, but I'm convinced that Accutane isn't going to work for me. I've read so many other Accutane journals, and most people have been happy at this point - which leaves me to wonder: what the heck am I doing wrong?! Yes, I know... "be patient," "give it time." In the meantime, I'll just collect these nasty red scars all over my face. When I look in the mirror, all I see anymore is a red patch. But hey - if you want me to look on a bright side, the only thing I can come up with is that MAYBE the scars'll just merge together and I can tell everyone I have a perpetual sunburn. The patch of zits I developed last week still has not healed, and now two new ones are forming (patches, I mean - not just single zits), one on each cheek, and both painful! The new cyst on my shoulders is just the frosting on the cake! But, really, what am I gonna do? I've tried all of the creams and gels and soaps; I've washed my face everyday; I've taken pills for years; I change my pillow cases every night; I buy Neutrogena Skin-Clearing Makeup (HA!), and now - Accutane: the liver destroying, tendon-calcifying, skin-drying, rash-inducing MIRACLE PILL, which (so far) has left my skin and my scars 5 times worse than when I started!!!! And who cares? No one cares! Except me, I suppose. People may look at my face, but how many actually think about it? It's a source of interest for a few seconds, but that's IT! I'm sure people would PREFER that I keep the acne, otherwise there would be that much less to gawk at. If I had a boyfriend, maybe I'd feel differently. But as you know, he chose daily weed-induced highness and drunkenness over me. Or maybe I didn't mention that. Either way, I always wanted to be beautiful for him; I wanted him to be proud to have me on his arm in public; and I felt like I had to apologize for every little break-out. But that's over now, so I guess I'm at liberty to look as ugly as I want without feeling like I'm putting someone out. Maybe I won't even wear makeup tomorrow! I'm starting to feel like I complain too much - but that's the point of all of this, right? I'm tired ALL OF THE TIME! I've missed so many classes this week because I couldn't get out of bed. And even when I did go to class, I'd come home and fall asleep. I haven't been to work in two weeks - everyday, I would calculate how much I would have made if I went, and decided I would rather PAY that amount just to take a nap. I don't know why I feel so fatigued. Is it the Accutane? Am I depressed because of everything that's been happening? Yadda, yadda, yadda... same ole' side effects... having to walk funny in the mornings until my tendons in my heels loosen up. 8 Weeks to go!
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