*The public ceremony in which your distinguished ancestor participated and at which the platform collapsed under him turned out to be a hanging.

*When at last after much hard work you have solved the mystery you have been working on for two years, your aunt says, "I could have told you that".

*Your grandmother's maiden name that you have searched for for four years was on a letter in a box in the attic all the time.

*You never asked your father about his family when he was alive because you were not interested in genealogy then.

*The will you need is in the safe on board the Titanic.

*Copies of old newspapers have holes occurring only on the surnames.

*John, son of Thomas, the immigrant whom your relatives claim as the family progenitor, died on board ship at age 10.

*Your gr grandfathers newspaper obituary states that he died leaving no issue of record.

*The keeper of the vital records you need has just been insulted by another genealogist.

*The relative who had all the family photographs gave them all to her daughter who has no interest in genealogy and no inclination to share.

*The only record you find for your gr grandfather is that his property was sold at a sheriffs sale for insolvency.

*The one document that would supply the missing link in your dead-end line has been lost due to fire, flood or war.

*The town clerk to whom you wrote for the information sends you a long handwritten letter which is totally illegible.

*The spelling of your European ancestors name bears no relationship to its current spelling or pronunciation.

*None of the pictures in your recently deceased gr mothers photo album have names written on them.

*No one in your family tree ever did anything noteworthy, owned property, was sued or was named in wills.

*You learn that your great aunt's executor just sold her life's collection of family genealogical materials to, a flea market dealer "somewhere in New York City".

*Ink fades and paper deteriorates at a rate inversely proportional to the value of the data recorded.

*The 37 volume, sixteen thousand page history of your county of origin isn't indexed. *You finally find your gr grandparent's wedding records and discover that the brides'father was named John Smith.