"Making bad ideas into horrible, horrible reality"
Dead Puppy in a Box
Parents, are you having trouble keeping your snooping children from shaking their presents?

We guarantee that after a Christmas morning with Danco's Dead Puppy in a Box, you'll never have that problem again.

Look for it in your Grocer's Freezer!
The Wolf Sandwich
A live wolf on a Kaiser roll slathered with our mouthwatering Danco honey-mustard
The Facial Flame
Tired of shaving with a sharpened piece of metal? Now with the Danco Facial Flame, you can have the power of
FLAME at your fingertips!
Behaviorall
Are you tired of those boring same-treatment-every-use psychological medications? We prescribe that you spice things up with
Dr. Danco's Behaviorall.
(FDA approval pending)
Frank Fizz
Looking for a new carbonated beverage to cool you down on a hot day? Danco is the one and only producer of this unique carbonated hot dog water product.
Nuclewear
Our line of uranium dishware is guaranteed to keep your food 'hot' for years to come!
DeliDent
Our original mayonnaise flavored toothpaste. Three out of four dentistricians say: Bring out the toothpaste and bring out the best!
The Bidont
You've heard of the bidet for cleaning off your backside. The bidont uses the same principle but with cottage cheese and compressed air.
Voltron Hamster
We here at Danco are willing to bet that your kid is bored with those run of the mill hamsters as pets. Put a smile on their face with the
VOLTRON HAMSTER. Six hamsters duct taped together for six times the fun!
Bourbon Brite
Do you crave whiskey in the morning but have to go unfulfilled because of "
society"? Bourbon Brite will brighten your smile and make your drive to work much more entertaining.
Enimax
Tired of just cleaning the outside of your body?
Kill-You-Quick Service
Tired of the hassels of existence? Try our liscenced Danco Kill-You Quick specialists. Bring your own mallett for a 25% discount!

From the people who brought you
Puncha-yo face! and Psychoanalyafist
Oranguspam
Ever get a craving for some tasty canned simians? Treat yourself to the latest in our acclaimed line of potted monkey products.

From the makers of Granny's Homestyle Gorilla Stew and Chimps Ahoy!
Bowel Buddy
Increase the capacity of your bowels threefold with the new Bowel Buddy! For the person on the go who can't take time to go.
Narcohectic
Try our service for narcoleptics. We'll call you at 200 random times throughout the day just to make sure that you are awake.
Jalapina Colada
A frozen drink with the added spice of jalapeno peppers.
Frozen Dolphin-Gram
Suprise your loved one this Valentines Day with our new Danco Frozen Dolphin-Gram: We'll deliver a jumbo frozen dolphin along with a personal message of your choosing and a discarded tire.

From the makers of Smellogram, Big Box O' Vipers, and Fartknocker
Silly Spread
Finally! The flavor of margarine meets the consistency of silly putty!
Odormax
Get noticed! Our revolutionary medication will have people's olfactory receptors hopping by increasing the potency of your body's natural odors.
Evolut-o's Cereal with Glowberries
Now fortified with more vitamins and minerals to help you be the fittest. The patented radioactive glowberries will help your offspring to be diverse enough to ensure that no matter what the future brings, some will survive.
Spleen Nog
You health nuts will love our new holiday beverage with the wholesome added nutrition of delicious spleen!

From the makers of Urinog
Prostichute
Nowadays space is at a premium and here at Danco we try to do our best to solve such problems with multifunction devices. This handy product doubles as both a prostitute and a parachute! Thank you modern technology!
Balogna Pony
Tired of tradition? Allergic to latex? Our line of lunchmeat condoms will spice things up!

Also available: Pepperoni Peter and Ham-On!
Corpseapult
Do you have noisy annoying neighbors? Are your house and yard littered with rotting corpses? Once again Danco has the answer to your problems!
Poubepee
Feeling a little sparse down there? Need something short and curly up top? Our original pube toupee has got you covered!
Athieos
Breakfast cereal for the non-believer.
Pucker String
Ensure that everything will come out OK in the end with our sour candy laxative.
Nachotter
The latest from the Danco genetic tinkering lab! A delicious creature made from a blending of nachos and otters.
"It's swimmingly cheesy!"
Phallusin
Our new birth control drug temporarily causes female parts to develop into male parts.
Flanpoo
It's a hair care product! No, it's a mexican custard! No, it's a hair care product!, Wait!...It's both!
Skunkmasters
At the annual Danco Skunkmasters competition 50 people compete to see who can make themselves stink worse than anyone else.
Knork
Tired of complications at the dinner table? This fork has razor sharp edges so that you can cut your food and pick it up with the same utensil!
Can Full o' Teeth
Do you like to suck on your teeth? If so, you're probably tired of sucking on the same old teeth day after day. We're willing to bet that our patented Danco Can Full o' Teeth will liven things up!
Now with 25% more molars!
The One-Forty
Damn! Dat foty be bigger dan my baby!
More great Danco products coming soon!
GO BACK TO MBJ's PAGE