POETRY
BY MARY LOUISE
I WORE A VAIL
THE NEED TO KNOW
IS IT YOU
THAT NIGHT
I saw him today
not in presence
in my mind
his blue eyes
Three years ago I married this man
I wanted to love him and be his biggest fan.
I vowed to have honor and respect,
and to cherish him to the fullest asspect.
The need, the want, the crave,
the feel, the touch, the save,
To touch you once then let u go
is like freezing in the snow
We danced that night
I fell for you
your eyes were longing
your personality so true.
We concieved a child then, then two, then three.
I felt they were a symbol of love between him and me.
I wore a vail on our wedding day
one that would continue to shield the reality away
how they stared into mine
once promising he would love me
never to leave me
they seemed to look deep
To kiss your lips then walk away
is painmuch more than my pay
to want your love and not have it in you too
hurts till my heart wants only you.
You held me close that night
you smiled at me
begged me for a kiss
I fell deeply.
Hiding me from the unwanted trueth and pain,
that would block the ugliness that would forever remain
I was happy and beautiful in my make believe life,
there were smiles and laughter for I was a Wife.
searching for love
to see if it remained
yes, it is there
always there it will stay.
To know, to think, to want you more,
To believe, to care, to want you more,
The thought if never holdong you,
makes me wish you were never true!
we met that night
you and I
our first night together
never thought I'ld cry.
I cleaned the house and cooked the food
I took care of the home that was the job I thought I understood.'
Everyday the children were fed and robed
he did this with his job on the road.
That smile I did see
not a true smile
one that looked concerned
curiouse to know
11-22-91
You were different that night
a man I do recall
mature and handsom
the beauty had to fall.
He took care of the bills and family
I took care of the children and home willingly.
Growing up I always believed this was the woman's place
that was all I needed to bring beauty and smiles to my face.
is it love?
His eyes can see
his smile can tell
I love him yes,
Under my vail I thought he was happy too,
until slowly reality begain to rein true.
I could not honor and love him the way he saw fit
soon all that I was vanished bit by bit.
We made love that night
I barely knew your name
you said you were shocked
I was the same.
WHERE'S THE LITTLE GIRL
I always will
now I look
with wounder in my eyes
will he ever love me??!!
Somehow it happened I became unvailed
being slapped with the reality that I failed.
He revealed that there just was no real Beauty
telling me all I refused to hear or see.
4-23-92
Where are the dreams
from childhood years
where are the hopes
of never seeing tears?
You told me that night
we'ld be together long
everything ends
even the words to this song!
Soon I forgot how to laugh or smile
the happiness would come and go once in awhile.
We promised that day to stay married till death
not to part till we've taken our last breath.
Who is this failure
before my eyes?
Its the vision
of my own life.
5-11-92
I've learned that you can die in more ways than one
there is the death of the body and mind to name some.
But what is to become of the death of the soul
when all that you are is now an empty hole.
ALLTOGETHER ALONE
Three years ago I married this very man
I tried to love him the best I can.
I no longer understand the meaning of honor and respect
what I thought to be true had an opposite effect.
Where is the smile
that once was bright
where is the laughter
of that beautiful sight?
I've climed the highest mountain
jumped the tallest tree
and they say that makes me free!
BARLEY AN ADULT
Now these three children we watch grow day to day
are all that remind us why we must stay!!
4-13-99
Who's is this face
that frowns down on me?
It is the vision of my own
that I see.
I've swam the largest river
flew in the darkest sky
and they say it gives a natural high!
Here I am barley an adult
watching my life fall apart
Turning in directions I've never known
trying hard to never be alone.
But through it all
though it hurts to the bone
I'll always be....Alltogether Alone!!!
Giving my heart freely
only listnening to my feeling
doing it once than again
never able to find the end.
Where's the little girl
with high hopes and beautiful dreams
who once believed,
she could do anything??
1992
1992
Woundering why it has to be
what is wrong with me
letting it happen everytime
then learning my heart is only mine.
ALL I ASK
IT'S TIME
Feeling low and cheap inside
letting my sexuality out so not to hide
feeling used yet still spreading my legs
letting out the fever that begs.
Could you spare a moment
to take my hand in yours
to hold me close to you,
and pull me from pain's doors?
I never said forever
and neigther did u
we said for now
so lets be true.
Never understanding I'm like the rest
always saying from them I am the best
not mature enough to know
until like them I begain to grow.
Do you have the extra time,
to whipe my teary face,
to kiss my red, sore eyes,
and protect me from this frightning pace?
To fall in love
I didn't know how
you plainly refused
but what of us now.
Looseing my sanity everyday
trying to live life my way
yet not knowing true love at all
just catching others while I fall.
Would you take the day off
to sit and have a chat
to laugh together and show our love
all I ask of you is that!!!
I know your heart
was battered and bruised
mine was treated the same
but I never refused.
How long till I learn to live
to earn my own before I give
to look both ways before crossing the street
standing clear of men I meet.
8-11-93
We had our fun
playing our game
I begain to fall deep
you did the same.
When will I stop selling myself short
and believing in my own sort
Instead of pretendingin who I am not
and start loving me that is all I got.
HEAVEN
Heavenly love
not pearly gates
no true angels above
just heavenly love.
Heavenly smiles
no fairytailed unicorns
not gold streets for miles
just ever lasting heavenly smiles.
Smiles and love
not heart aces
not tears up above
just true smiles and love!!!
1991
Now we say "Love"
is it something we keep
I believed in the word
to my heart it was deep.
I love you yes
I am sure You've heard
now its time
for honesty in your word.
Because here I am barley an adult
watching my life fall apart.
Woundering why it has to be
what is wrong with me!?!
You say "I love you"
you're like a mime,
repeating what you hear
out of time.
1992
What is your "love"?
The trueth I fear
but now its time
for me to hear.....!
GLIMMERING NIGHT
Oh how I long to share the glimmer of the night,
wrapped in your arms and holding on tight.
Unable to resist the sparkle of the star
shining in your eyes from way out far.
I am longing to feel the touch of your lips
like the touch of the moon on the mountain cliffs.
Waiting for the moonbeams to embrace our heart
and tell us of the night when it comes to depart.
Hold fast my love to the glimmering night
for it too shall vanish leaving behind an empty light!!
1999
1992