respiratory arrest..We had admitted
Matthew to the hospital with a
possible shunt malfunction..He
stopped breathing in his sleep during
the night..By the time the nurse
found him... and they tried to revive
him .......it was too late...............
July 25, 1985-November 16, 1994
BY BRENT NEAL
written for Matthew's funeral Nov. 19, 1994
FOR I FULFILLED MY PURPOSE, FOR WHICH I WAS MADE.
I OFTEN DREAMED OF CARRYING SOME ROYAL ONE OR PRESIDENT,
INSTEAD I GOT TO CARRY A YOUNG BOY WHO WAS HEAVEN SENT.
WE HAD SO MANY TIMES TOGETHER, I AND THE BOY WHO COULD NOT RUN
WE NEVER PLAYED A BASEBALL GAME, BUT WOW! DID WE HAVE FUN.
WE USED TO CHASE OUR SPECIAL FRIENDS UP AND DOWN THE HALLS
OF SCHOOL, OF CHURCH, OF GROCERY STORES, AND DON'T FORGET THE
MALLS.
ALTHOUGH MY MASTER COULD NOT STAND UPON A PAIR OF SKATES,
SKATING WAS THE NIGHT FOR WHICH HE COULD HARDLY WAIT
AROUND THE RINK WE WOULD GO AS HE SQUEALED WITH DELIGHT
AS BEST I COULD I ROLLED -- I ROLLED WITH ALL MY MIGHT.
BEREAN BAPTIST CHURCH WAS OUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE,
THERE WERE SO MANY THERE MY MASTER LOVED TO SEE.
HE COULD NOT WAIT TO GET TO CHURCH THE MAIN ISLE HE WOULD GO
WE'D ROLL TO OUR FAVORITE PERCH HIS LOVE FOR THE LORD HE'D SHOW.
HE'D SHAKE HANDS AND TALK TO EVERYONE AND EVEN TRIED TO SING,
BUT HOLDING HIS BIBLE AND SAYING AMEN WAS HIS FAVORITE THING.
THE PREACHER WOULD COME BY AND TRY TO THROW US IN THE POND!
OH THE PREACHERS JOKE, OF IT HE WAS SO FOND.
WE SPENT MANY TIMES TOGETHER, THE BOY AND I, I MEAN
IT WAS I WHO CARRIED HIM, WHEN ON HIS BRACES HE COULD NOT LEAN.
I WATCHED AS OTHERS PASSED HIM THINKING ITS JUST NOT FAIR,
ALAS I TRULY LOVED HIM, I AM THE LITTLE RED WHEELCHAIR.
I KNOW HE OFTEN WONDERED -- WHY HE COULD NOT RUN
NEITHER DID HE UNDERSTAND, THE OTHER CHILDREN'S FUN.
I USED TO SAY. OH, MATTHEW, ONE DAY YOU'LL SURELY WALK
SOMETIMES HE WOULD BELIEVE ME, YET OTHER TIMES HE'D BALK.
TODAY MY MASTER IS IN HEAVEN, THAT I SURELY KNOW,
NOT ONLY DOES HE WALK --HE RUNS THE STREETS OF GOLD.
YOU SEE MY LOVED ONE, NO LONGER ENDURES THE CONSTANT PAIN
HE KNOWS THE GREAT PHYSICIAN --A PERFECT BODY HE HAS GAINED.
GOD SAYS, THERE IS A HEAVEN, FOR THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN SAVED
TIS THERE-THERE ARE NO CRIPPLES AND NO WHEELCHAIRS EVER MADE.
YOU CAN NOT GET THERE ON YOUR OWN, FOR YOU MUST BE BORN AGAIN
YOU MUST TURN TO CHRIST AND LET HIM FORGIVE YOUR SIN.
TODAY I COME NOT KNOWING EXACTLY HOW TO FEEL,
MY MASTER DOES NOT NEED ME HE DOES NOT NEED MY WHEELS
BUT I FULFILLED MY PURPOSE FOR WHICH I WAS CREATED
I STAND TODAY SOMEWHAT PROUD AND SOMEWHAT ELATED.
NOT ONLY DID I FULFILL MY PURPOSE AND GOD'S PLAN,
BUT SO DID MY MASTER, AND IF HE CAN --YOU CAN!
ALTHOUGH TODAY YOU'LL SORROW AND PERHAPS AT TIMES WEEP
REMEMBER THAT TOMORROW THE SAVIOUR'S PLAN YOU MUST KEEP.
MY MASTER WAS A FAITHFUL CHILD, AND YOU MUST DO THE SAME.
LET GOD USE YOU TO WIN THE LOST, TO EVEN WIN THE LAME.
AND WHEN YOU PASS A LITTLE CHILD, PLEASE TAKE TIME TO CARE
ALAS I TRULY LOVED HIM, I AM THE LITTLE RED WHEELCHAIR.
We are connected
My child and I, by
An invisible cord
Not seen by the eye.
Its not like the cord
That connects us at birth
This cord can't be seen
By any on earth.
This cord does its work
Right from the start.
It binds us together
Attached to my heart.
I know that it's there
Though noone can see
The invisible cord
From my child to me.
The strength of this cord
It's hard to describe.
It can't be destroyed
It can't be denied.
It's stronger then any cord
Man could create
It withstands the test
Can hold any weight.
And though you are gone,
Though you'll not here with me,
The cord is still there
But noone can see.
It pulls at my heart
I am bruised.....I am sore,
But this cord is my lifeline
as never before
I am thankful that God
Connects us this way
A Mother and Child
Death can't take it away!
~~author unknown~~
I lost my child today.
People came to weep and cry,
as I just sat and stared dry eyed.
They struggle to find words to say
to try and make the pain go away.
I walk the floor in disbelief.
I lost my child today.
I lost my child last month.
Most of the people went away.
some still call and some still stay.
I wait to wake up from this dream.
This can't be real, I want to scream.
Yet everthing is locked inside.
God help me, I want to die.
I lost my child last month
love is always shattering.
To love is to carry another
with in oneself, to keep a
special place in one's heart
for him or her.
This spiritual space is
nourished by a physical
presence; death, then, tears
out a part of our own heart.
Those who deny the suffering
of death have never truly
loved; they live in a
spiritual illusion.....
~~Jean Vanier~~
Now people who had came, have gone
I sit and struggle all day long
to bear the pain so deep inside.
And now my friends just question, Why?
Why does this mother not move on?
Just sits and sings the same old song.
Good heavens, it has been so long
I lost my child last year.
Time has not moved on for me.
The numbness it has disappeared.
My eyes have now cried many tears.
I see the look upon your face.
"You must move on,and leave this place."
Yet I am trapped right here in time,
The song's the same, as is the rhyme.
I lost my child.....TODAY....
(Her daughter, Cara, died 4 days after Matthew, same month same year)
If you would like to view Memories
of Cara..her link is on my homepage.
Pictures
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