Breaking "The Circle of Death"

Just throwing another pizza in the microwave and forgetting about the problem is a little tougher to do. Most of us have or know someone that has children, so a friend or relative could be next. Time to take some action American Style – and cast the blame. First the computer game companies – tainting our children with all that violence. Next, the NRA, for lobbying to keep guns wholesome and available to our children. Then, the entertainment industry, for spewing literally millions of frames of violence in front of our children, in the movies and on TV. And finally, the Internet, for making free speech – no matter how violent or oppressive, available for the cost of a computer and local phone call.

Blaming something or someone sure feels good; it lets us all get back to our televisions or computer games. But increasing acts of violence just throw the problem back in our face like a hungry mosquito on a warm summer's evening. Only this bug is too quick to swat – we clearly need a plan. The simple fact of the matter is that there is little data to support that any of the industries currently under blame are responsible for the shootings and the subsequent increase in violence among children.

The lack of data is intentional. Any of the aforementioned industries would cut their throats (a.k.a. profits) if they kept records that could be used to support that the products of their respective industries willingly led children to commit murder. Congress won't move without data, and politicians get campaign contributions from all of the industries mentioned, with heavy lobbying efforts from the NRA to keep guns a welcome part of our society, no matter how many deaths occur. The grim reality is that sweeping changes are highly unlikely in our lifetime so long as our politicians can benefit from keeping the status quo. In this instance, greed and personal gain overshadow common sense.

That puts the burden on each of us. We have to solve a problem that government is too bogged down to address on anything else but the surface of blame. Enter a new circle for us all to figure out, the exact opposite of the circle of life that binds and keeps us together – I call it "The Circle of Death".

In each of these industries under blame, someone was responsible for breaking the circle, but chose not to do so, for whatever reason. From concept to creation, it takes a lot of people to create a violent video game or movie. No one person is solely responsible. What's not obvious is that this is not a new problem. The desire for violence and mayhem is as old as human nature itself. While greed may be at the center of the circle, human nature surrounds it, creating a demand for the violence and mayhem. Take a stroll through this millennium to find these similar trends:

• Remember dime novels? Back in the '20's, Americans bought up these provocative and violent, often sexually charged stories.
• Movie serials – Imagine a man dressed in a loincloth, baring his chest for the whole world to see! How about a woman showing some thigh above the knee? Aliens killing humans? Provocative and morally reprehensible? In the 1930's it was.
• In the '40's and '50's, movies brought us on-screen murders while Alfred Hitchcock introduced us to psychological horror. Comic books rich with violence and blood started the desensitization of our youth, readily available at the local newsstand.
• As technology improves, so does the realism of the violence in the movies and on television throughout the '60's and '70's.
• In the '80's, VCRs brought rated "R" movies into the home, making parent's solely responsible for what their children watched. Movies that portray realistic murders and violence like "The Faces of Death" were available for teenage parties along with horror/slasher films like "Halloween", "Friday the 13th" and "A Nightmare on Elm Street".
• 1995 brought the first first-person shooter video game to splash blood across the screen, "Wolfenstein" from id Software. Soon "Doom" and "Quake", also from id, followed suit, while "Mortal Kombat" provided spine-wrenching blood and gore.

The rest is history in the making. Human nature drives the capitalistic forces of supply and demand. We're insatiable when it comes to fulfilling baser instincts like sex, violence and homicide, and the industries currently under fire will continue to profit from supplying the demand to the tune of billions of dollars in profits. If you want to play "the blame-game", human nature is the first place to start. From Cane murdering Abel in the Bible to the many shootouts in "The Matrix", it's always been this way. So why are our children committing murder now?

I remember my parents. Both middle-class and hard working, they realized early on that two incomes were not only better than one, but also necessary for survival. So my father worked all day while my mother worked the swing shift. With young children at home, they wanted to make sure we were safe, and more importantly, not getting into trouble. They were there, and I'm thankful for it. Access to my dad's many firearms meant sneaking past him to get them. The thought of the beating I would get was a great deterrent to keep me away. Was it an easier time? Perhaps, but my respect (and fear) of swift discipline kept my adolescent urges in check.

Enter the new middle-class suburbs – the place from where most of our young killers seem to be emerging. Consider this scenario: Both parents work demanding jobs, and there's plenty of extra money available. At an empty home, the child is free to enjoy and do what they want. Parents throw money in their direction to keep them happy, partly to keep up with the Joneses, and partly to make up for lost time while the parents work and play. From the Internet to video games to rented movies to Dad's guns, there's plenty to do while they bask in the knowledge that they are kings in their castle. And if Dad or Mom doesn't own a gun, or provide unlimited access to the Web, someone else's parents do.

But life at school is another story altogether. "Clicks" rule and geeks drool. No more kingdom, just a jester's life of ridicule as they navigate the hallways and school grounds throughout the day. In this scenario, violence brings peace and harmony to their lives – just like it does in the movies and in video games. By removing the people that cause them embarrassment and pain, they're kings again – powerful leaders with dangerous weapons. And parents scratch their heads in bewilderment.

We can pray for laws to save us, but the government is busy bickering while our kids are dying. Perhaps that's part of teenage angst – the feeling of total helplessness over their future knowing that their government isn't really there to protect them. But that's another story altogether.

To break the circle, parents and responsible adults have to take charge. This takes involvement, which seems impossible in most homes without quitting a job and filing for personal bankruptcy. But there are little things we can all do without destroying our financial futures or toppling the government, like these:

1. Continue to buy and spend freely – just be choosy over what you spend your money on. For example, take a look at the box before you buy your child's next video game. If you don't like it, don't buy it. The same goes for video rentals or a trip to the movie theater.
2. Take a look at the files your child has on their computer. Play a few of the games they've downloaded or borrowed from friends. Remove them if you disapprove. If they have a web page, read it. You might just be surprised.
3. Be nosey, especially where your children's friends are concerned.
4. If you own firearms, use trigger-locks and keep the key. Never loan your keys or lose sight of them. It is ultimately your responsibility if something goes wrong. Remember – it's tougher to parent behind prison bars.
5. Don't be afraid to be firm and put limits on or use positive punishment when called for. Insist on respect, for you and others. Your may think you're a monster at first, but children, especially teenagers, need and thrive under structure. If you're the final word for discipline, then you're also the final word for love, and your children will rise to the occasion once limits are set and enforced.

Last year over 3,000 children were killed by firearm-related incidents across the U.S., both accidental and intentional. That's a Columbine shooting every 1.2 days. Our kids are dying and everyone wants a quick-fix for the problem it took years to create. To eliminate it, we all have to pull together and make the steps above a regular part of parenting our youth.

From my own personal experience, I can assure you it may be tough at first. After a fight on Christmas day with my then 15-year-old son over his stereo, he pulled a knife on his stepmother. I wrestled him to the floor while my wife called the police, who arrived moments later, ready to take my son away. I intervened, and assumed responsibility for him, after all, it was Christmas Day. He never had to endure the fear of a handcuffed ride to the police station. While looking back, I should have let the police take him. He needed to know that his actions were illegal, and breaking the law by attempting to hurt another individual meant going to jail. Unfortunately, my story does not have a happy ending. Less than a month later, my son ran to his own mother (my ex-wife) after I imposed stricter rules concerning his friends and extra-curricular activities.

I share this to help you realize this important point: When a child realizes they're not the "kings" they thought they were, anything can happen. If they turn to violence to try to stop you, chances are the "time bomb" has been ticking for quite some time. If this happens to you, realize the importance of getting the local authorities involved. By identifying the problem early on, you are taking steps to save your child's life. It hurts to watch your child leave in a police car, but considering the recent tragedy at Columbine High School, the pain is a small price for the lives you may be saving.

Society will rebound in kind. Capitalism will continue to thrive, because we will all continue to buy software and rent or go to the movies. The changes will be invisible to the average consumer. Computer game makers will create programs that deep-pocketed parents want to buy. The entertainment industry will follow suit, and soon the violence on the Internet will not seem as important. By the time our politicians realize what happened, a new breed of industry will be financing their campaigns – one that profits from family values that put human life first – a circle complete.

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