The seX-Files

The truth is out there. . . on your hard drive
You have to love the Internet. Where else in the world can you find a multi-billion dollar industry established for education, exploited for business and dedicated to sex? Yes sex! The number one use of Internet bandwidth and the most successful businesses revolve around providing naked pictures, stories and videos of every conceivable slant imaginable -- all from the comfort of your living room or office. Talk about safe sex.

But you already knew that. Now it's time to discover your significant other's kink. But you don't think your spouse could possibly engage in such activities? How could they? What about the children? What if they found out? First of all, if you don't think your spouse is capable of such a feat, slap yourself in the head for a good wake-up call. Sex is the web, and not just because a bunch of pointy-head computer geeks masturbate in front of their computers for thrills.

As far as the kids are concerned, computer savvy children have spent a greater percentage of their lives in front of a computer, so do not let anything surprise you. Depending on their ages, they may have a few kinks of their own. I'm not trying to sound sexist, but teenage boys with an Internet connection are more dangerous than a group of all-male Catholic students at a Porky's marathon. If there's a teenage male in the household with his own PC, you might want to follow our easy instructions below. (Chat rooms are another story in the making.)

Where Are The Files?

This brings us to the finding out part. If you have Windows '95, it's incredibly simple. But first, here's a little background. The pictures you see on the web are electronic files saved in a popular "format". When you open a website, the browser reads the files, recognizes the format, and displays the picture. Most browsers support two popular formats, Graphics Interchange Format (GIF) and JPEG (JPG). Popular video formats include MPEG (MPG) and AVI, while a new streaming video format called Shockwave is gathering some steam for interactive video.

Get to the Point!

To discover the kink, you must find the files. With Windows '95, files are stored in folders, the electronic equivalent of a file drawer. Since street-wise kink-hiders will try to store their files in a totally inconspicuous location, the procedure below will find all potential seX-Files in a single swoop -- something to thank Bill Gates for. You can even do it online, in the comfort of your own PC (and kink).

The Procedure

Follow these simple steps to scan your hard drive for seX-Files.
  1. Click Start then point to Find.
  2. Choose Files or Folders. . .
    3. .
  3. In the Named box, enter *.GIF; *.JPG; *.MPG; *.AVI.
  4. In the Look In box, select C:. Note: If your computer has more than one hard drive, it may be necessary to select a different drive and repeat your search after your first scan is complete.
  5. Select Include subfolders.
  6. Click Find Now.
  7. If your computer has any of the files we discussed, they will display in a window. To view the file, simply double-click it. Be forewarned, hundreds of files may appear. Software programs install graphics files to your hard drive, so it may take a little detective work to find the real seX-Files.

If you hit paydirt in your search, the next step is up to you. I suggest sharing the kink with your loved one, so you can all grow closer. Go ahead and risk it -- like Billy Joel's song "The Stranger" -- you never know your lover until the Stranger comes along.

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Copyright © January 1999 by Mark Morton. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed in any form without contract or permission, but is for sale. Contact Mark Morton if you wish to publish this story in your magazine or periodical.

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