| Edit 1/6/05: Check your email. My response to your email is there. Beyond the apology below and the email I sent, I have nothing more to say to you. Please understand that the things I have done wrong as well as the wrongs others, including you, have done to me do not dominate my life. If you cannot accept that and move on as I have, that is not my problem. But I really hope you do, for your sake and for the people you care about. We both have more important and pressing things to worry about than a mere poem I posted a year ago and subsequently forgot about. Goodbye and God bless. -Jessi ___________________________________________________________ To Presumed/Assumed Subject of "XFRIEND": I erased this poem from my website because I cannot be ruled by things of the past. I must continue to move forward and not be dragged into what are really petty, childish things. About attacking your family... My poem was not an attack on your children at all. Children are a blessing and I never insinuated that your children don't deserve to be alive. They are valuable to their parents, their other loved ones, and to God. My poem was not an attack on your significant other (not "family" b/c marriage constitutes "family"), except to say that you're a good person and I felt that you really deserved better. The poem's message was that considering your own situation and the fact that we haven't kept in touch, you had no standing to speak ill of me nor judge certain aspects of my life and what I value, e.g. higher education, experiencing life outside of our hometown, living life independently of a significant other, etc. I meant what I said at the time, and in the spirit which I wrote it (not the spirit in which you interpreted it), I still mean it, minus the sarcasm. But I could have communicated my sentiments in a more constructive way. My poem was not meant as an assault on you. It was meant for me to express myself in a situation where talking to you about it, I felt at the time, was not worth the time it would take to do it. It was an expression piece that I wrote, later posted - which was unwise - and then nearly forgot about. I had to look at it today to remember exactly what it even said. I mention the above to focus on what the real issue is, which is between you and me. I apologize for any hurt that my poem has caused you. If you have truly interpreted the poem as an attack, I apologize for any offense you've felt. I apologize for my judgment of how you have chosen to live your life. I did to you what you had done to me - I should have made my standards of you standards for myself. I do not think I'm better than you, never have. I wrote that because I got the sense you felt I was better than you (e.g. "goody two-shoes"). But really, I'm no better than you, and you're no better than me. I could've easily taken your path, you could've easily taken mine. But you and I have made the choices we've made for our lives according to our divergent priorities and values. Although my life is by no means perfect, I like my life and I do not regret the decisions I've made. The path I've chosen is the best for me - for my happiness and most importantly, for my well-being. I really hope you feel the same about your life. I also want to let you know that I forgive you. I forgive you for the times when you've spoken ill of me to others without just cause. For the times I know of, and for the times I may never know of. I forgive you for the times you have lied about me to others. I forgive you for the times you have not been honest with me. I forgive you for your judgment of me, my priorities and values. High school was over a long time ago. We are both approaching our mid-twenties, we live in two different states nowhere near each other, living separate lives. I cannot continue to entertain any more excursions into the past, into a life that I no longer live. I sincerely wish you the best. -Jessi |