January 23, 1945 - February 14, 2005

That's what my mom always told me.  We probably always said it a million times a day to each other, when hanging up the phone, when saying goodbye, at the end of every email we sent back and forth, and many times for no reason other than just to say it.  I never got tired of hearing her say she loved me, and I'm glad that we said it so much so as never to leave any doubt.

My mom passed away from cancer on Monday, February 14, 2005 - Valentine's Day.  In one way, it was like a cruel joke that she passed on a holiday that will be repeated forever.  But in another way, it somehow makes sense that the end of her journey of life would be marked by the day of love.  She loved me more purely and truly than anything I have ever known besides the love of God.  She was beautiful inside and out.  She taught me humor, unconditional love, tact, affection, patience, forgiveness, faith, hope, and fun.  She had never before held a baby in her life until I was born when she was 35.  She was scared to death of being responsible for me and didn't know what to do.    The nurse laughed at her when she put my diaper on backwards in the hospital.  But after some time went by and her fear of me was quickly replaced with strong, undying love, somehow she always managed to do and say just the right things.  She decided that if you love a child enough and show her enough affection, she'll forgive you just about anything you accidentally do wrong. 

My mom was always full of humor.  Her sense of humor was dry and quick.  She never missed a beat.  She still cut up with everyone, right up until the very end.  Laughter was always important to her, something to help her get through difficult times and something to put people at ease and lighten the mood.  She loved to be redundant with her puns and jokes, which made them even funnier.

One of her favorite sayings was "the joy is in the journey, not the destination."  She would repeat it so often to me that eventually it became a joke because it had been run into the ground, but I honestly always tried to keep that saying in mind whenever I was impatient for something.  But I think in this case, the joy was in the journey and the destination...although she was only sixty and I feel she was robbed of so much time we could have shared, I do know that the short life she had was full of joy, and so was the destination she found when she went home to heaven.

Mom, I will always miss you.  I honestly don't know how I'm going to make it without you.  You have always been my best, closest friend, the one I could tell anything to and never fear judgment or ridicule, the one who always listened and gave me advice, the one who always put everyone else's needs before her own.  You are the most unselfish, giving person I have ever known.  I know that somehow you will shine through me and in my own little girl someday.  I know that you are happier now than you have ever been, but it is so hard to let go and comprehend that I can't pick up the phone and call you or wrap my arms around you in a hug.  Please always be with me no matter what and always know that your baby girl loves you forever, to the moon and back.

(This is the tribute to my mom that I somehow read at her memorial service.)

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