By the Seat of Your Pants Productions Presents (in Living Purple, and by Order of Her Majesty on the Twenty Dollar Bill)
AN EVENING AT THE IMPROV
Here’s how it works. We are giving you a scenario and kicking it off with the first two paragraphs of the story. One, here, and a second in the next post by Jill, (if she gets her juices flowing by the time I write this). Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is as follows. ADD A PARAGRAPH…….let your imagination take flight! Now in order to keep things nice and orderly…..when you decide to add something, post UP NEXT…..sign your initials or something and then go to it. Try to come back with it in 15 minutes. Right now we have a VERY long line up of two people….me and Jill. Now, we have discussed this and of course the idea that this whole thing could totally bomb came up. And, yes it could….but, oh well. Que sera sera……my Mama sang that Doris Day ditty to me, too. When we get tired of the whole thing one of us will come back in and post this has gotten too long and boring, and the audience is dead or comatose. No point in playing any longer. Any questions feel free to ask and we’ll put your memo in the pile with all the other memos……seriously you can’t screw this up anymore than it’s screwed up already. Have fun!
Little Red Corvette #1
I was pimping along the I-87 in my brand new little red sports car…...bright sunshine, both tops down…..HOT!! Oh, dear there’s another poor sucker in the breakdown lane….too bad so sad……nice convertible, sport…..AAA should be here soon…heee…OMG!!!! THAT”S CLAY AIKEN!!!! I slammed on my brakes, cranked the wheel sharply to the right and the 18 wheeler that had been riding my a** for the past twenty miles jack-knifed and careened across the road, finally coming to rest, on its side, in the median. Oh, well…that happens everyday……finding Clay Aiken helpless and in need on the side of the road…..might happen once in a lifetime.
to be continued......
from Keh
[email] [homepage]
10:21 pm - Sunday,January 30, 2005
Sparing nary a glance at the gore and mayhem in the median, I whipped my wee little car back to the shoulder and skipped (a *bump*…*grind* badadadadabump…NO…get that montage out of your head) over to Clay (OMG, it’s CLAY!!!!), glancing around frantically, and note…NO JEROME!!! HEE….I get to be the bodyguard. This is good.
Hey, mister, do you need a ride?
*sunny smile from Clay* I’m just sitting here waiting for AAA, I already called em, but I DO have a meeting I need to get to….
Well, I’d certainly be happy to give you a ride…(*understatement of the year*)
Okay, thanks for your help, but I’ve got a lot of stuff in here I need for my meeting…let’s see, you got kind of a small car there…and are you gonna leave those tops down??? Kinda distracting…ah’m just saying….
Well, let’s start cramming all your stuff in my vehicle, and we’ll see see what all we can fit in….
NEXT UP…..
from Jill
[email] [homepage]
10:36 pm - Sunday,January 30, 2005
“Okay, Clay, let’s just pop your trunk and see what you’ve got...*under breath ‘we’ll get to popping your trunks later...’”*
He pressed the button on his keychain and the trunk pop opened, revealing several cardboard boxes filled to the brim with papers, CDs, snack foods, and his laptop. I helped him move the boxes from his car to mine, as I strained to read his printing on the CD cases. Could these be demo recordings? I nearly gasp aloud as I recognize several screen names on stacks of printouts from Internet message boards. I didn’t really know where to look, as I’ve got Clay Aiken standing just inches from me on one side, and his *stuff* on the other. I’m about to unload a crumpled McDonalds bag from his car, when I realize he’s been giving me directions to the meeting, but stops to laugh and tell me that I “don’t really need to bring that, you probably think I'm a slob, but you know, the last time I stopped to put something in a McDonalds garbage can, I found the pictures on the internet the very next day. I just keep forgetting to put that bag in the garbage at home.”
Oh my frickin god. It’s really Clay Aiken and he’s really getting into the passenger seat of my car. Call it an impulse or call it destiny, but before I closed my trunk, the next words out of my mouth were, “Clay, don’t you think you should empty your pockets as well? They’re looking pretty, um, ‘full,’ and I want you to be comfortable for the ride…”
from pam.....that is so only one paragraph
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11:06 pm - Sunday,January 30, 2005
Clay pats his pockets and says, "Ah'll be just fine. Look, this is awfully nice of you. Ah was getting worried about that meeting." "My pleasure, I don't mind playing the good Samaritan at all... Why don't you just hop into the passenger seat there and we can get going. Clay opens the door, and wedges his long body into the passenger seat. His knees are under his chin. "Oh dear, you don't look too comfortable. You can adjust that seat a bit. Just reach down between your legs and find that knobby thing, and jerk it, " I offer. Clay looks at me strangely, but appears to know what he is doing, and the seat slides back easily. I am not sure if I am going to be able to concentrate. He pulls the seat belt out, and tries to buckle himself in, but it stops short of that latch. "Ah can't seem to get this to go far enough." "Oh honey, just let it go all the way back in, and pull it up gently, up and over and in. One motion. I undo my belt (seatbelt) and reach over his lap to demonstrate.
from m.e.e.
[email] [homepage]
11:25 pm - Sunday,January 30, 2005
Tough acts to follow.....here goes
Clay grabs my arm and says, "Hold on there a minute. Ah seem to be sitting on something hard here." And he reaches between his legs lifts his bottom a little and pulls out a book...."HTML for Dummies."
Oh, that (somewhat deflated) one of these days I was planning to read it.
"So, tell me. Where exactly is this meeting of yours? I couldn't make out what you said back there. The Partridge Family bus went by and they must have been practicing in it or something."
He gave me one of those eyethingies I'd heard so much about and said "Bugtussel, mah meeting is in Bugtussel.You just go south from here, when you pass the naval station, you'll intersect the beltline. I'll direct you from there, okay?"
Okay *sigh* I have Clay Aiken in my car..I have Clay Aiken in my car....I ahve Clay Aiken in my car!!!
"Honey, don't you think we should get moving?" And your top?"...."Huh?", I move to push the top up button on the dash.
"No, not that top....(ahem) that top. You missed one of those things there."
from Keh
[email] [homepage]
0:06 am - Monday,January 31, 2005
Oh, well, no one in the whole wide world would notice THAT top…ah’m just saying….Let’s go back to that beltline thingie. Now, I KNOW Bugtussel, grew up right round the Back 40 of the city limits….but I don’t recall seeing a map of that beltline….till I started my subscription to Rolling Stone.
So, Clay, where am I taking you?
Um, let’s just pimp along, and I’ll holler when we need to change directions.
Okaaaaayyyy, we’re heading south…
Yes, now turn just a wee bit left….yeah, right there….
and so we drive along….me gazing adoringly in the absence of Jerome…I HAVE CLAY AIKEN IN MY CAR!!!!!
So, Clay, HTML, know much about it?
Well, I have to admit I HAVE seen a few of the websites….I know you saw the stuff we uploaded into your vehicle here…it IS kinda stuffed full, ain’t it?
*thinks to herself, not NEAR as full as my harddrive…*
And you know, Clay, there is still some room in the back seat…ah’m just saying….
NEXT...
And on that note, Goodnight Clay, goodnight Broads, goodnight Kinri. pffttt Jerome.
from Jill
[email] [homepage]
0:46 am - Monday,January 31, 2005
I couldn't stop thinking about the junk in the trunk. I'VE GOT CLAY AIKEN IN MY CAR!
"I'm curious. What is that stuff in the boxes?"
"Oh, just some things from the message boards. I print out some of them. Some of them have made me laugh, some have really touched me, and some have even made me ... well, let's just say they're very enthusiastic."
"Oh, these are some of your favorites, then?"
"Yeah, kind of stupid to keep them, huh?"
"Not at all! In fact, I'd love to hear about some of them - unless you feel like singing, of course!"
"Ha! No, I do enough of that. Well, let's see..."
NEXT UP ....
from OH Cindy
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8:24 am - Monday,January 31, 2005
How rude of me, asking him to sing, I thought. He sounds just as good talking! Shit, the boy is IN MY CAR! I turned up the air conditioning -- I suddenly felt quite warm.
Ok, get a grip, gurrl, you're doing fine, I reminded myself.
Clay grabbed a handful of messy papers and rifled through them. “Ah, here's one. This one was so cute, but it's a little embarrassing.”
“Well, don't let that stop you. I'd love to hear it.”
“Ok. Ok, um...this was written especially for mah birthday by one of mah fangroups...the LBFCA.”
Oh, what a lovely opportunity he just gave me. “LBFCA,” I innocently asked. “What does that stand for?”
He stared at me as I drove further south. I could tell he was debating.
“It. It stands for...oh, Lord, I always have a hard time saying it.”
I decided to let him off the hook. “Well, far be it for me to give you a hard time...” ...at least in this way. “It's that bad?”
“Well, no, it's not.” He suddenly chuckled to himself. “You know, I just had an epiphany. If ah'm gonna go around and say to the press, 'Ah'm not as innocent as I look,' then maybe I should really act like it.”
Now THAT was a surprise. A pleasant surprise. A REALLY pleasant surprise.
“Yeah, that's right. As a great person once said, 'To thine ownself be true.'”
“Exactly!” You could tell he was so pleased with himself. He took a deep breath.
“They're the LECHEROUS BROADS for Clay Aiken...and you know what?" He smiled. "They're mah favorite gurrls.”
from Cella
[email] [homepage]
10:36 am - Monday,January 31, 2005
O.M.G.!! He said we're his favorite gurrls! Okay, calm down...breathe...you know nothing...
"Lecherous broads, huh? That sounds kinda racy. Why do you say they're your favorites?"
I was trying to keep my eyes on the road, but I just had to see his reaction to this. He looked at me with that lopsided sly grin of his and mischief in those gorgeous greens, and said
"Well, they're just so dang funny and creative. Ah think they're CREATIVE. And they seem to like me, really like me, even the dorky things ah do. They even wrote somethin' makin' fun of mah dancin' after mah first appearance on Leno. They said ah danced like Elaine on Seinfeld, and that ain't good!"
hmmm, He wasn't insulted? He thought it was funny?
"Making fun of you? And that didn't pi...I mean, make you angry?"
"No, ah thought it was hilarious. Ah laughed til ah cried. And you don't have to watch your language for me, ah know you wanted to say 'piss you off'. It's okay, ah do get pissed off sometimes."
Clay Aiken is in my car, and he said PISSED OFF - can life get any better? well, yeah!
"Okay, so they're creative and funny. Any other reason you like them?"
"Well, they seem to, uh...well, think ah'm, uh..you know.."
oh god, I gotta milk this for all its worth "No, what are you trying to say?"
"Uh, they like my...um, they say ah'm...uh..you know...sexy..."
oh that little studmuffin, his face is blood red. i should stop this right now..NOT
"...they even have each day of the week dedicated to...um, different parts, you know...of mah body."
he's laughing! he thinks its funny! I always KNEW he'd think it was funny!
Laughing right along with him, I said "And I'll bet their favorite day of the week is Friday!"
SH*T! I didn't just say that, did I? He's going to know I'm a broad. Be cool, be cool, maybe he didn't notice.
NEXT!
from Jewel - cruisin with the Aiken
SORRRY...I'LL FIX THE ITALICS CODE SO IT'S UNDERSTANDABLE...
Hoo boy, what do I say NOW? Do I tell him? {I glanced over at him.} Lord, I can't believe that I am THIS close to him. The natural hair, all those freckles in this bright light, the pushed up sleeves,the furry ginger forearms.....
"Whoaaaaa! loook outttt!!!!"
{I looked up just in time to see the back corner of the tractor trailer skim by about a foot from his window...and swerved}
"Omigod, I'm soooo sorry. THAT was a close one!"
{Looking shaken},"Are you okay? You seemed up-set there for a moment!"
{Swallowing hard, trying to quiet my pounding heart, from a couple of reasons} "I...I'm okay,....yeah."
"Listen, I need to get to mah meeting, but if you don't feel well, or sumthin'......{restacking and straightening the papers}....Where were YOU headed? I hate to keep you from it...."
"Oh, I was meeting up with some Br...friends for a regional mini-uhhhhh-MEETING of sorts. But, BELIEVE me, they won't mind if I tell them why I'm late."
"Oh honey, I'd SURE rather you didn't tell them....only a couple of people know I'm in town...even in the COUNTRY. So....."
"Okay, okay, I understand" Sheesh, HOW could I keep this from the Broads waiting for me at the hotel?
"Listen, darlin', you really look kinda, well, ashen. We've got a ways to go and I don't feel like singin', so how's about we put in some music...Whatcha got here? {grabbing my little silver CD case from the floor} Okay, Michael McDonald's Motown I AND II....good stuff, I'm singing one of those for my next tour. Let's see, Nelly's Sweat/Suit?....Oh,not yours? you borrowed that from somebody? Well, that's good becoss it's got some {whispering} nasty words on there. Uhhh, k.d. lang, Los Lonely Boys "Heaven", and...Scissor Sisters? That's kinda a surprise and..........mah CD! Measure of a Man! {He looks up at me} Are you a fan?"
"Yeah,{sheepishly}, a little bit.."
"A LITTLE BIT??? Gurrrrrl, you KNOW you can't me mah fan just a LITTLE BIT!" {He throws his head back and laughs, giving me a quite earth-shattering view of his neck and ....Adam's apple}
"I know, I know, you can't EVER get enough of the Aiken, right?"
{He looks over at me, blinks}
"Clay, ummmm, why don't you play the CD I have in there right now...that I was listening to when I spotted you back there by the side of the road?"
{With his eyes on my face, he tentatively reaches over one long slender finger, and pushes PLAY"}
{The music intro swells and then...."Ohhhh, Holeeee Niiiiight...."}
{Clay dropping his chin to his chest}...."Oh mah Lord and Taylor"...
HANDING THIS OFF.......
from Paula fixing the italics code
[email] [homepage]
1:11 pm - Monday,January 31, 2005
UP NEXT
So Clay, are these Lecherous Broads a group of teenagers?
Clay: Oh Lord, no! Some of them are older ladies. And ah hope no teenagers are reading their message board. It can downraht smutty!
Oh really?
And those gurrls seem to lak me even when I goof up.
Goof up, Clay?
Yeah, lak that time last October in Charlotte when I...um...was...durty dancin' on that sweet, young girl in front of thousands of people. I was so embarrased!
Do you do this....dirty dancing often, Clay?
Um...no...well, just that one time in Washington, DC. when I got a little frisky. And mah momma sure told me about that!
I glance over and smile.
Oh...darlin' take this next fork to the raht.
So these Broads think you're pretty cute, huh?
Ah guess so...I used to think they wanted to mother and take care of me but when ah read what they say they want to do to me...it don't sound like motherin'!
Well you are pretty cute, Clay, and I really like those jeans.
Um....thanks. Starts to squirm in his seat and tug at his shirt.
Anything wrong, Clay? You look at little flushed, shall I turn up the AC?
No ma'am...ah'll be fine.
Maybe we should stop for a soda or something...
Sounds like a good idea....but just go to the drive-through window...Ah..um...would rather not get out raht now.
from joanie
[email] [homepage]
1:45 pm - Monday,January 31, 2005
Next in Clayland:
Sam pulls off the highway into a gas station. She turns and asks Clay "Milk or Sprite?"...He turns and looks quizically at her. Too late to go back now Sam turns and hot-foots it into the store. She returns with her diet coke and his sprite. Settling back into the drive, Clay sips on his sprite and says "Can I ask you a question?"...
Dum-da-dum!!!!
What will the question be?
Run away with me?
Pull over so I can get out now?
Tell me the truth, are you planning to kidnap me?
Find out in amy e's exciting new episode next week!
from amy e
[email] [homepage]
8:24 pm - Monday,January 31, 2005
Is there any ketchup in that bag?
"Oh, I see you found the fries." We were still in the parking lot and I was trying to shift with a foil wrapped burger and a supersized order resting on my lap.
“Ding dang it”, he said there’s no ketchup in the bag! Go back!
“It’s okay, calm down (NOT)…there’s some packets of ketchup in the glove box.”
How am Ah supposed to get that open when my hands are full. There’s no place to set anything down in this little car.
“Sorry ‘bout that, but it looks like if you slipped your foot out of one of those flipflops you could undo the latch and find the ketchup with your toes.” I was half kidding, but to my amazement, he does just that. The door to my glove box is open in a jiffy and he’s rifling around inside trying to find the ketchup.
Gurl, you sure have a mess of stuff in here! Hey, I recognize this (he pokes my BIRD with his big toe) and these (I look over and my tassels are dangling from a long slender middle toe…..DIES, but have to drive). Oh, crap!!
”What’s the matter now?”
Mah foot’s stuck!
from Keh
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8:38 pm - Monday,January 31, 2005
I look over, undecided whether to giggle or drip sympathy. Giggling wins.
"Clay, um, sorry, but…here…let me try to help….no that isn’t gonna work, hey, grab onto that knobby thing again"
"Yeah, I think I can turn my foot around if I can get some leverage, let me get my other foot up there…"
"Whoa, GREAT job, Clay! Oh, and look, you kept the ketchup packet in your toes through all of that!"
"Yeah, I’m multi-talented, aren’t I? At least mah Broads think so. Now, how am I gonna open this packet of ketchup?"
"Why, Clay, just use your toes!"
Of course, I was totally kidding, but to my amazement, Clay commences to bring that packet of ketchup up to his mouth, HOLDING IT IN HIS TOES....IN MY CAR…OMG, CLAY IS IN MY CAR, and he rips it open with his teeth, *sigh* then squirts it on his burger. He looks over at me…
"I'm sorry, did you want some ketchup on your burger? Here let me squirt ya some."
"No, that’s okay. I kinda lost my appetite. Here, you can have my burger too."
"Oh, and you owe me a new tassel. You got ketchup on that one."
NEXT....
from Jill
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8:57 pm - Monday,January 31, 2005
So Clay, I'm very impressed. What else can you do with your body?
Umm...what?
I was wondering what else you can do with your body. You must be double-jointed the way you opened that packet of ketchup.
Oh, ah guess ah am. Ah used to bite my toenails, but it grossed people out so much I stopped doin' that. Why are you so interested in mah body?
Well, I happen to be a dance instuctor, Clay. I can't help but notice that you have a long, limber body, with especially strong thighs, perfect for the dance. I could do a lot for you. And since you're dancing at your concerts....
Oh mah goodness, now ah'm really embarrased, talkin' about mah durty dancin' and all.
No need to be embarrased Clay. In fact I just moved here recently from Chicago to open a dance studio. I'm taking new pupils and I'd be happy to give you some private lessons.
Ah sure need some.
Sam roots in her bag, finds a business card and hands it to Clay.
Good, here's my card.
It's All About Rhythm ...that's the name of your studio?
from joanie
[email] [homepage]
8:53 am - Tuesday,February 1, 2005
Clay immediately strikes a dramatic pose, whips his arms up over his head, and in his best Ethel Merman voice, starts warbling: "Look at what I've got... I got rhythm, I've got music", *accompanied by some truly horrifying toe snaps and some not so rhythmic car dancing*
"Yeah, yeah, Clay, and I got my man, RIGHT HERE IN MY CAR…so who could ask for anything more? Eh?"
"Really, darlin, you got a lot of natural ability there, you can’t help but show it, but dang dawg, when you’re trying that hard…..just…eww…loosen up, here let me help, I’ll show ya…."
He immediately breaks into another chorus, dancing even more frantically to avoid my "help"
"I got daisies in green pastures, I got my woman. Who could ask for anything more?"
Between Clay’s creative dancing, and my enthusiastic assistance, we both forget WE ARE IN MY CAR!!! I need to be driving. As we straighten up, Clay glances out the windshield and sees a huge multicolored bus blow by….he leans up to get a better look…and to my horror, I see my card whipped out of his hand. NEXT
“Sam? Sam?”
I startled a bit. “What?”
“You all right?”
I've been reading WAY too many fanfics lately. Darn that fic ho for putting that dance teacher story in my head! I see my subconscious wasn't gonna let me go there, letting my “card” fly out of his hand. Sometimes I hate my brain.
“Sam, are you listening,” he asked louder. “I said you'll need to take this next exit and get onto the 95.”
“Yes...I heard you. Transition to the 95.”
The last strains of 'Mary Did You Know' finished playing. “Would you mind if I turn off the cd?" he asked. "It's nearly Valentine's Day and even I'M a little tired of hearing Christmas music.”
I chuckled a bit. “Yeah, go ahead.”
He ejected the cd, but didn't turn on anything else. We sat there quiet as we continued slowly south.
As I drove, I felt myself get a little depressed. CLAY AIKEN is in MY car...and...nothing. I guess I really AM just being a good samaritan. There's been no spark – no fireworks. We always joke around about how he'd instantly fall in love with us if he ever was within range, but...
“Speaking of...” I heard him say. “Do you have plans for Valentine's Day?”
Did I just hear him right?
“Um...no. Not yet. Why do you ask?”
from Cella - hoping she dont get smacked for throwing a curveball
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3:45 pm - Tuesday,February 1, 2005
Again I said to Clay "What did you say? Well you now , I was just thinkin' about how really nice it was for you to rescue me like you did, and I kinda wanted to repay you somehow. " I must be dreaming, please don't wake me up, I thought." Anyhow, I have this friend, Nick, who is living with me now and helping me out during all this mess I have to deal with, and he needs a date for a Valentine's day shindig we have been invited to. I was thinkin' maybe y'all could double with me and my date, Frances. "What?!!" "You want me to go out with Nick??" Sure. Why not? He does need a date! "I, I, have to check my...What am I saying?" "Of course I'll go with y'all! That is of course if you're not just teasing me." Now, do you think ahm the kind of person who would do that? "Um, I hope not, I mean no." Great! I'll have mah people call you with all the details. Just give me your number.
from Bonnie
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5:38 pm - Tuesday,February 1, 2005
"Sure, got something to write on?"
Clay rifled through the stack on his lap. "Here use this and I will put it in my cell phone later."
Clay handed Sam a printed page from the stack he was holding. On the top of the page she couldn't help but notice that there was a post from Nelle talking about the hat of responsibility. Oh brother.
"Here you go, Clay . There is my cell and work numbers just in case."
Clay glanced at the paper and swiftly folded it. "About how much farther?" Sam said. "About 25 miles. Say do you mind if Ah make a quick call to Nick, Ah want to give him your numbers while Ahm thinking about it."
"Uh, I guess that would be ok."
"Hullo, Nick? It's Clay. Guess what?"
NEXT?
from Natalie in Charlotte
[email] [homepage]
6:39 pm - Tuesday,February 1, 2005
He paused and let Nick reply, before shooting me a sly grin. "Your girlfriend can quit bothering me about that dang Valentine's party now. Ah got a date."
I knew the boy had balls of steel, but he was downright tempting fate with how many times I'd nearly run off the road. He giggled as he grabbed the armrest impulsively in reaction to my latest swerve. "Yeah, it's... a long story. Real long story, but a good one." He returned his attention to the passing scenery as he tore my numbers off the paper, using those long, soft fingers to snake it down into his front pocket as he arched his hips off the seat for accessibility purposes. "Anyway, Ah'm about to be late as crap for a meeting, I'll call you back tonight."
They said their goodbyes and Clay hung up the phone. I couldn't quite decide whether or not I was thrilled beyond belief or completely indignant, so my tone came out as highly confused, which was also accurate. "What in the world was that all about?"
"Well you don't think Ah'd just walk up to a girl at a concert or something and ask her out, do you?" He couldn't keep the impish grin off his face. "Ah dunno, Ah just... figured you'd do that. Or hoped so, anyway. Ah mean..." His gaze drifted back off to the landscape outside and he laughed softly. "Ah didn't want this to turn into some kinda completely implausible fan fiction come to life or anything."
He looked back at me again. "Although, while we're on the topic, there is one thing Ah've been wantin' to ask you..."
from Rainbeaux
[email] [homepage]
7:06 pm - Tuesday,February 1, 2005
Go ahead… ask away.
Clay: Well, I’ve heard that people write things about me. Never read any of ‘em but gotta admit it’s peaked my curiosity. Have, um… you read any of them?
Sam: Uh… yea… a few.
Clay: Really?
I’m almost too embarrassed to ask this.. but could you, like… fill me in? I mean… I think I know what they’re about but… OK, nevermind I don’t really think I wanna know. This is weird. Sorry.
Sam: Some of them are really good. I think you’d be amazed. But yea, I’m sure the whole idea of it must be kind of… strange for you.
Long and kind of awkward pause.
Clay: Do you… could you tell me where I could go to… read one?
Sam: Um… okay this is funny and kind of a little embarrassing but… I think I have one somewhere on the floor of the back seat.
Clay: You’re kidding.
Really???
Realizing what I just said… and remembering which fanfic is actually lying on the floor of my back seat.
Sam: I can’t believe I just admitted to that. Now I’m stuck… right?
Clay: That bad, huh?
No… that good actually…
Another long and pregnant pause…
Clay: Well… ya wanna share? Bats glory eyelashes I’m a big boy…
from jannet - not sure if this is headed in the family friendly direction...
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8:38 pm - Tuesday,February 1, 2005
Clay leans over the leather seat to grab the fanfic papers from the backseat.
"I can't find it." says Clay
"It's there, just keep lookin." (thinking to myself: Boy, does Clay look good stretched out over some leather)..Okay, Sam, eyes on the road! Won't be good if were both dead!
"Got it" he yelled. "Chapter 22, the final stage of labor? What?!! You guys are just plain freeky!"
"Give me that!" I said as I grabbed the paper from Clay. "My sister's having her first baby and I've been reading up. Sorry. The fanfic must be in the other car." I was silently hoping he wouldn't go searching anymore.
Instead he turned and asked a weird question. "What's your favorite color?"
"Red" I said very quickly. "What's yours?"
As he started to answer a loud bang radiated from his side of the car. Sh*T!!! It scared the holy crap outta me! What was it?
from amy e
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9:03 pm - Tuesday,February 1, 2005
Clay says,"Oh good Lord and Taylor, what in the heck is going on? I glance quickly to the right and see a huge moose staggering around in a circle totally dazed and confused! "Oh for cryin' out loud, ahm not believin' this just happened!!" Clay screams. "That poor thing just crashed smack dab into the side of your car!" What in the heck are we gonna do now?" We gotta help the poor thing, If he dies he may come back to haunt me, just like that little kitten of mine" I tell Clay to please stay calm. What to do? What to do?
from Bonnie
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9:23 pm - Tuesday,February 1, 2005
Sam pulled the car over to the side of the road and looked back over her shoulder. What she saw was a teetering moose on wheels. Several workers that were working on hoisting the moose up to a billboard platform saw what had happened and rushed to retrieve the moose. Traffic started to slow as the rubber necking started on I-95.
"Lady are you alright?"
"Yes, we are fine." Clay started getting a little antsy as what appeared to be the supervisor of the crew approached the car and Sam. Sam got out of the car and went around to Clay's side to check for damage. "Doesn't appear to be any damage at all except for this faint scratch on the panel. Do you want to file a police report?" Clay rolled his eyes as he realized that this was getting complicated. He was surprised when Sam said, "No, we are ok and the car is not new, but thanks anyway."
Sam got back in the car and shot Clay a let's get the hell outta herelook. Clay breathed a sigh of relief and shepishly looked at Sam. "Thanks. This has been a really freaky day. Does stuff like this happen to you all the time?"
"Stuff like having a major celebrity in my car, having him ask you on a date for Valentine's Day and having a stuffed moose careen into my car on the Interstate? If that is what you mean then no. This has been pretty wierd. Clay began to see that this was a little bit stressful for Sam as he reached for her...
from Natalie in Charlotte
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10:40 pm - Tuesday,February 1, 2005
Guess my 15 minutes are up. This is so freaking long…mea culpa and all that jazz……but I got in here and got lost and couldn’t find the door or even a window…..anyway…got a buzz, and some inspiration, and have tried to accommodate a few special requests along the way........
We pulled into the rest stop and Clay could hardly contain himself as we parked a short distance away. OMG!! Look at that!! That is the fanciest tour bus I have ever seen! I need to get a tour bus just like that one next time I hit the road
“That’s the Partridge Family bus, Clay. We’ve been following each other for miles.”
Who the heck are the Partridge Family? I haven’t been in the music business all that long and I don’t know everybody yet, but I would think I might have heard of a band with a nice friendly name like that. This Partridge Family’s family friendly, right?
Family friendly to a fault. Their mother sings in the band AND drives the bus.”
How cool is that?
“Actually, not very”…….a young voice croaked behind us. It was Danny. “Having your Mom around all the time kinda makes things not very cool, at all. Hey, aren’t you Clay Aiken? Holy smokes, now this is cool. Come over here you gotta meet my manager.” Danny yanks open the door of the bus as Clay and I exchange quizzical looks and raised eyebrows.
“Reuben, get out here….I’ve got Clay Aiken by our bus!” Reuben Kincaid steps out into the sunlight, shakes Clay’s hand, pushes me to the side with his elbow and begins to talk serious turkey about his career. He offers him his choice of bunk, promises he won’t have to dance AT ALL. And he can be on TV every week. That will make his fans really happy, won’t it?
My Broadly senses smell a rat and fear our boyfriend is in serous danger. Reuben holds his hand across boyfriend’s shoulder as he talks but I see Clay’s head shaking “No.” Whew! He isn’t going to bite. Reuben appears to give up but Danny isn’t giving in! He whispers something to Reuben…. I overhear something about…..no…..oh,no……not that!!! My worst fear!! I’m doomed. I will lose him…..I drop my chin to my chest and a single tear drops to the pavement.
Once he lays those gorgeous greens on HER my worst teenage nightmare will be realized! What man can resist the glorious dimples of Laurie Partridge? The bus door opens once again and there stands the scourge of my thirteenth year poised at the top of a step to rip the love of my life away from me with a mere tiny smile.
“Hi, I’m Laurie” she extends her slender hand and he disappears silently in to the bus.
I am so overwhelmed I am unable to write dialog. This has become an out of body experience. I have become a witness to my own heartbreak. The last time I see him……will he be standing in the windshield waving goodbye? I turn to my car…..and see something small and delicate laying on the ground by my door….it’s a ketchup stained tassel. I reach down pick it up and cradle it gently in my hand. I will cherish this forever.
”Hey, I recognize that.” It’s Danny again. “You’re one of those Lecherous Broads I’ve heard about. Keith and Reuben and I have been keeping up with you
“Well, you shouldn’t be keeping up with us….you’re a kid.”
“Okay, it’s Keith…but I was kinda wondering…..you got someplace important to go? Maybe you wanna grab a soda over there?”,
“No, can’t you see I’m heartbroken?”
“Look, sugar, it happens all the time…..she finds one at every rest stop. Everybody knows that Laurie Partridge is the ideal woman.. Can’t fight it.”
I resist the urge to slug him….he is a child after all. I continue to have this out of body experience…...my mind is floating, my heart is in a thousand little miserable pieces…but my Broadly spirit fails me NOT!! Quickly, I fumble for the keys to the trunk. I know I saw him put a bag in there….I did!!! ZIP!!! Never in a million years did I think that, given the opportunity, I would handle Clay Aiken’s underwear roughly, hastily, or without a second thought as to what lay beneath it. I had ONE thing in mind….there must be one here!!! Has to be…….dig….dig…..dig…..BINGO!!!
“Out of my way halfpint!”
I run to the side of the bus…..bang desperately on the door. I run to the front…..he HAS to be in the window, waiting to pull out and wave goodbye!......He is!! I hold up my prize and he rises. OMG, it worked….he’s coming!! He loves me……er…..us…..after all. AS he steps from the bus I am there to greet him. But, this time, not in the midst of a throng of adoring fans. This time it’s just the two of us. I slipped the tie around his neck and loosely fastened a knot……a bond. (*sniff*) I looked deeply into his eyes and said, ”This is a great tie. Clay blinked, smoothed his slender fingers over the shimmery black tie sliding down his torso, smiled wickedly, and said, thank you very much, I chose it myself.' And speaking of choices……we need to decide where we should eat? Or should we even eat at all?
The End.
from Keh who was once told to never apologize for length
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1:12 am - Wednesday,February 2, 2005
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You can find the completed story here: Little Red Corvette
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