Marv's new partner
Marv's new partner
Marv: I'd like to welcome our new color analyst. His credentials are
extensive, a professional jump trainer, has experience commentating on WWF
events, and has judged numerous high school dunk contests throughout his
career....... Jack White! Welcome Jack.
Jack: Thank YOU Marv! I just want to say what a PLEASURE it is to work with
a famous SODOMITE such as yourself.
Marv: Why.... er, thank you. So ah, Jack, what do you think of tonight's
matchup?
Jack: Well Marv, the Lakers HAVE to JUMP HIGHER and run MUCH MUCH FASTER
than the Sixers in order to win this game. Kobe HAS to get on the highlight
reel. DUNKING on Mutombo will surely INSPIRE his teammates. However, Kobe is
an OVERRATED leaper. He doesn't even had a 40" vertical.
On to the game.
Mutombo wins the tip.
Jack: WHY does Shaq ALWAYS LOSE the jump ball? Even Sabonis who has ZERO
HOPS beats him every time!
Shaq backs up Mutombo and elbows him in the face. Mutombo flops backwards.
Jack: What a WEAKLING! If that were Paul Wight, he wouldn't have BUDGED ONE
INCH! Can we get a picture of Paul Wight on the screen? Thanks.
Horry drives down the lane and dunks on Mutombo.
Jack: If Mutombo would have worked harder on his LEAPING ABILITY, he would
have stuffed that back into Horry's face! If that had been Paul Wight, Paul
wouldn't have even needed to JUMP!
Iverson dishes and drives for an assist.
Jack: WOW! The play of the game! That was worth 5 REBOUNDS right there!
Iverson and Lue are jawing at halfcourt. Refs gives them a double technical.
Jack: What kind of call WAS THAT?! I don't see the refs whistling THE ROCK
for a technical when he runs smack on Stone Cold Steve Austin!
Mutombo hacks Kobe on his dunk attempt.
Jack: WHY is Kobe WHINING?! That wasn't a foul! He's just LUCKY that Mutombo
isn't a DIRTY PLAYER. If that were Paul Wight, he'd CHOKESLAM Kobe through
the rim! Kobe would be afraid to drive down the lane for the rest of the
series! Can we get another picture of Paul Wight here? The one where he
dominated the NCAA? I want you people to witness the size and power of the
7'4" 500 pounds of pure muscle!