Flame Wars: Episode I The Bandwagon Menace
Flame Wars: Episode I The Bandwagon Menace
A long time ago in a newsgroup far, far away...
Turmoil has engulfed the Cyber Usenet Republic. The taxation of crossposts
to outlying newsgroups is in dispute. Hoping to resolve the matter with a
blockade of Usenet battleships, the greedy CyberStreet Gang has
stopped all crossposting to the small newsgroup of Iowa.
While the Usenet Congress debates this alarming chain of events,
the Supreme Chancellor has secretly dispatched two Jedi Trolls, the
guardians of peace and justice in Usenet, to settle the conflict...
Vaxio-bot: This way please! My master will be with you shortly.
Greg-Gon Jinn: Make it quick, shitbag.
Vaxio-bot: Would you like some cake juice and tomato while you wait?
Mithra-Wan: No thanks. Can you turn on CNBC?
Greg-Gon: Mithra-Wan, concentrate on the moment.
Mithra-Wan: Yes master. Do you think they'll accept the chancellor's offer?
Greg-Gon: I don't know what the chancellor is thinking. Offering both Eddie
AND Elden?!
Mithra-Wan: You think we'll get a raise if these negotiations are
successful?
Greg-Gon: Mithra, don't you think of anything besides fucking money?
--
Meanwhile on the bridge
Al-Nute: What did you say?
Vaxio-bot: I say the ambassadors are Jedi Trolls!
Basketor: I knowed it! They was sent to force a settlement! We don't can
survive this!
Al-Nute: Relax. Everything is fine! Trust me, I'm an athlete! Distract them
while I contact Darth Sinned.
Basketor: This gives me much anxiosity.
A hologram of Darth Sinned appears.
Basketor: Your plan is totally ridicule! The blockade is finished! We not
dare go against the Jedi Trolls!
Darth Sinned: lol....got tissue? ..... we must accelerate our plans....
begin landing the troops.....
Al-Nute: Is that legal?
Darth Sinned: lol...i will make it legal....
Vaxio-bot: Wonderfoul!
Al-Nute: What about the Jedi Trolls?
Darth Sinned: kill them....
Vaxio-bot: Ok! I am very very expert at this!
--
Greg-Gon: Benjo, what's with the name Mithra? Don't be a pussy hiding behind
a fake name.
Mithra-Wan: I just don't want that stalker Jedi tracking me down one day.
Greg-Gon: Shit! We're being attacked by battle-bots!
Vaxio-bot: You will all die! Bye bye my American friends!
Greg-Gon: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I'll take them all on!
Mithra-Wan: I'll take this one!
Kazuya-bot: Well if it isn't the old-timer!
Mithra-Wan: Well if it isn't the ng fool!
Kazuya-bot: Which makes you the grandpa.
Mithra-Wan: Maybe you can learn something grandson.
Kazuya-bot: Pull the other lever, troll.
Mithra-Wan: If I do, your brain will spill out.
Greg-Gon: Mithra! Are you still battling that one bot? I've taken out 10
already!
Mithra-Wan: Sorry master but his stupidity was amusing to me.
Greg-Gon: Mithra-Wan, you must learn not to take part in these fucking
useless neverending threads if you are to become a Jedi Troll.
Mithra-Wan: Yes master, I'll try.
Greg-Gon: We've got to warn Iowa and Chancellor Viker about this bot army.
Let's split up and meet back on the newsgroup.
--
Down in the Iowa newsgroup, the bot invasion force lands.
Basketor: We don't have know where the Jedi trolls are. They maybe get on
board one of the ships?
Vaxio-bot: We will find them becouse in classific, Iowa is not as big as
Italy! Italy has the best villages!
Meanwhile...
Jae Jae Binks: DVR's for sale! At wholesale prices!
Greg-Gon: Who the fuck are you?
Jae Jae: I'm Jae Jae Binks! Come visit our website where we have the
latest technology in DVR equipments!
Greg-Gon: Yeah whatever SBN. Come on Mithra. We have to go before those bots
find us.
Jae Jae: The safest place to be is our store in Burbank!
Mithra-Wan: Can you take us there?
Jae Jae: Well not really. I've been banished for piracy of Microsoft
software.
Greg-Gon: Well if you don't take us there, those bots will kill you.
Jae Jae: They don't scare me!
Mithra-Wan: Picture the movie Scanners in your head.
Jae Jae: I never heard of no gay movie scanner but I'm sure you have
faggot.
Greg-Gon: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! You are an even bigger chimpbrain
than Al Wilson!
Mithra-Wan: Look, if you don't want your brains to explode, you'd better
help us!
Greg-Gon: HAHAHAHA!!! What makes you think this idiot has a brain?
Jae Jae: Fine, I'll help you. This way!
--
Dicky Song: Welcome. I'm Dicky Song. What has Jae done now?!
Greg-Gon: We need your help. There's a bot-army about to attack Iowa. We
need to warn them.
Dicky Song: We don't like those people in Iowa. Their Queen is too
condescending!
Mithra-Wan: After they take over Iowa, they'll be coming for you.
Dicky Song: So what? The Wah Ching Gang will take care of them!
Greg-Gon: You stupid sack of shit! If you're not going to help us, we'll be
on our way.
--
Al-Nute: The invasion is on schedule, my lord.
Darth Sinned: good...soon the senate will have no choice but to accept your
control of the group...
Al-Nute: But the Queen has faith the Senate will side with her!
Darth Sinned: lol...queen cycleless is old and naive... youll find
mindfucking her fairly easy....
Al-Nute: By the way, I waited at Roscoes for you all day yesterday! But you
didn't show up!
Darth Sinned: try waiting again today....lol....
--
Back in Iowa, the bot army has taken over the palace.
Al-Nute: Victory!
Governor Coz: How will you explain this invasion to the Senate?
Al-Nute: Iowa and the CyberStreet Gang will sign a treaty that will
legitimize our occupation here.
Queen Jane-atalia: Sweetie, I'm not going to cooperate.
Al-Nute: You won't like what we have in store for your people. Their
suffering will persuade you to see our point of view! Ask Bill Walton! He
agrees with me!
Jane-atalia: Sweetie, they are already suffering just with you insulting me.
Greg-Gon: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Typical chimpbrain logic!
Al-Nute: Uh oh! Let's get out of here!
Jane-atalia: Sweetie, you saved us!
Greg-Gon: Your highness, we are ambassadors for the supreme chancellor.
Coz: Your negotiations seemed to have failed.
Greg-Gon: The negotiations never took place, you fucking idiot!
Coz: And whose fault is that?
Greg-Gon: Hey shitforbrains! Were you there? If not, shut the fuck up. We
need to contact the republic.
Capt. Bryan: They've knocked out the communications.
Greg-Gon: Do you have transports?
Capt. Bryan: This way.
Greg-Gon: Your highness, under the circumstances, I suggest you come with
us.
Capt. Bryan: I agree. And my men should accompany you.
Jane-atalia: Bry, who are all these people? Are they alternate screen names
you've created to follow me around?
Capt. Bryan: No, they're just illegal immigrants I hired to protect you.
--
Later..
Mithra-Wan: Uh oh. We don't have enough power to get to the Lakers NG. The
hyperdrive is leaking.
Greg-Gon: We'll have to land somewhere and repair the ship.
Mithra-Wan: How about Australia?
Greg-Gon: It's controlled by the Chandlers.
Capt: Bryan: The Chandlers? You can't take the Queen there! If they discover
her, they'll eat her!
Mithra-Wan: It's risky but we have no choice. Besides, I'd love to see
Chandler following Greg around again!
--
Al-Nute: We have control of their newsgroup.
Darth Sinned: destroy all the high ranking rebublikkkans.... quietly....
and queen cycleless... has she signed the treaty yet?
Al-Nute: Um, she escaped. One ship got past the blockade. It's impossible to
locate the ship. It's out of our range.
Darth Sinned: not for an arsonist...... this is my mindfucked
following bitch lord germs....he will find your lost ship....
Darth Germs: I will? How?
Al-Nute: Well, I do have Greg's phone and home address. Don't tell anyone I
sent you this information!
Darth Germs: Cool! I'll call him later when I'm at work.
--
Capt. Bryan: This is an extremely well put together little bot.
Jane-atalia: What is its number?
Capt Bryan: It says rdt2.
Jane-atalia: Becky, clean this bot up the best you can.
Becky: Yes your highness.
Jae Jae: Hi! I'm Jae Jae Binks!
Becky: I'm Becky. I tend to her highness. How did you end up here?
Jae Jae: I was banished for piracy!
rdt2: Beep beep! (ROFL. Typical stupid lakers bandwagoner!)
Jae Jae: Do you need help cleaning him? I can toss his salad for you!
rdt2: BEEP BEEP! (NOOOO!!!!)
--
Meanwhile...
Darth Germs: Hmm.. I wonder if this phone number actually works.... Let me
call this motherfucker up...
Ring. Ring.
Greg-Gon: Hello?
Click.
Darth Germs: Shit! It actually worked!
Greg-Gon: Fucker hung up on me. I wonder who called me? Let's find out!
Ring. Ring.
Darth Germs: Hello. Jeremy Siegal speaking.
Greg-Gon: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Darth Germs: Uh oh.
Greg-Gon: You spineless sack of shit! You're mine now!
Darth Germs: Um Greg, don't do anything rash now!
Greg-Gon: Hey shitforbrains, you do as I say now or else I'm telling your
boss you're posting from work!
Darth Germs: Look man, I just wanted to see if the phone number worked.
That's all! I swear!
Greg-Gon: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! I'll be in touch.
Click.
Darth Germs: Shit!
Darth Sinned: lol... is there a problem?
Darth Germs: Um yes! I'm going to lose my job!
Darth Sinned: what an idiot... shouldve used a payphone...lol...
Darth Germ: If I lose my job, can I buy crack from you on credit?
--
Meanwhile in Australia.
Mithra-Wan: We'll need to replace the hyperdrive generator.
Greg-Gon: Mithra, you stay here. Be wary. I sense a disturbance in the Net.
Mithra-Wan: Yes master. BTW, are you going to visit Chandler?
Greg-Gon: I'm not here to fucking entertain you.
Mithra-Wan: Damn!
--
Brando: What do you want?
Greg-Gon: We need parts.
Brando: Boy! Come here!
Chris Petrowalker: Yes?
Brando: Watch the store! I've got some selling to do here.
Chris: Ok...
Becky: Hello sweetie. How did you end up here?
Chris: My mom and I were sold to Iron the Chandler, who lost us on a bet to
Brando, so now I'm stuck in this dead end job.
Becky: You're Brando's bitch?
Chris: Not just any bitch! A mindfucked following bitch! Chris
Petrowalker!
Jae Jae: I'm Jae Jae! Can I use your computer?
Chris: Sure.
Jae Jae: Wow! You have alot porn sites bookmarked! You have any asian
porn?
--
Brando: So how are you going to pay for all of this?
Greg-Gon: You take credit?
Brando: No! Cash only!
Greg-Gon uses mind control.
Greg-Gon: I don't have any but credits will do fine.
Brando: No they won't!
Greg-Gon: Credits will do fine.
Brando: No they won't! Who do you think you are Grego!? Your jedi republican
brainwashing... er excuse me... libertarian brainwashing won't work on me!
It's not my fault your art history major hasn't made you any money!
Greg-Gon: We all can't be spoiled rich kids like you! Besides I'd be able to
afford it if it weren't for Clinton!
Brando: Why do you always bring up Clinton? Come back when you have money!
--
Brando: What's this? Is that boy surfing for porn again? Petrowalker, come
to my office now!
Chris: Um yes?
Brando: Surfing for porn again?
Chris: No! That wasn't me!
Brando: I see you're branching out to asian porn now.
Chris: That wasn't me! It was one of the customers!
Brando: You know the punishment.
Chris: You mean you're going to drug me up before excecuting me?
Brando: That's right.
Chris: With heroin? Yeah!
Brando: On second thought, I think I'll torture you with more anti-Bush
propaganda!
Chris: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
--
Later...
Chris: Mom! Mom! I'm home!
Laurel: Who are all these people?
Chris: These are my new friends!
Becky: Dog Woman, I thought you were Dennis' mom?
Laurel: I am but he left to rule Usenet.
Becky: What about Chris?
Laurel: Don't tell him, but he's adopted. =)
Becky: I'll do as I please so don't tell me what to do, old girl. Why did
you adopt him?
Laurel: I was just trying to help.
Becky: Yes that's the lament of the contemporary liberal. Sensible people
would rather be left alone than be "helped" by you liberals.
Greg-Gon: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Becky: Careful Greg. Dog Woman has probably already sent you an email
explaining how AOL works in order to prevent the fall of western
civilization.
Greg-Gon: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Laurel: I'm glad I could bring some joy to your life. =)
--
Chris: This is my bot, 4FPO! Watch! I'll turn him on.
4FPO: KB though not supporting the depths that KF in her deepest thoughts
would betray us, would she prefer KM whose idolatry beckons the wild?
Chris: As you can see, I'm still working on his communications.
Greg-Gon: We still need to find a way to purchase those parts.
Chris: There's a race tomorrow. You could enter my pod in the race and when
I win, you could use the prize money to pay for the parts!
--
Darth Germs: Australia is a penal colony. They shouldn't be hard to find.
Darth Sinned: move against bunker first....
Darth Germs: But he'll tell my boss!
Darth Sinned: be sure to take his cellphone so he cant contact your
boss...lol...then take cycleless back to iowa and have her sign the
treaty...
Darth Germs: Yeah, I hate Greg!
Darth Sinned: lol....everything is going as planned.. the republic will soon
be in my command...
--
Greg-Gon: The Net is unusually strong with your son. But he uses it for the
wrong reasons, like surfing for porn.
Laurel: Yes. And he can't stop obssessing over Bozak. I keep telling him
that Bozak is just trolling him but he won't listen.
Chris: Hey mister! You're a Jedi Troll, aren't you?
Greg-Gon: That's right.
Chris: Are you here to rescue me from Australia?
Greg-Gon: Why would you want to leave?
Chris: Are you kidding me? Have you seen the jobs available here?
Bodybuilding and shark experts? My boss won't even let me surf for porn!
Take me with you and teach me how to be a Jedi Troll!
--
Greg-Gon: Mithra-Wan, make an analysis of the blood sample I'm sending you.
Mithra-Wan: Master?
Greg-Gon: It's from Pedophilios or whatever the fuck his name is. I want to
measure his troll level.
Mithra-Wan: Alright, got it... the readings are off the chart! Even higher
than Master Bullyoda! What does it mean?
Greg-Gon: It means you should killfile him.
--
The next day..
Brando: You're entering the boy into the race? I bet he loses.
Greg-Gon: I'll take that bet. My ship for the boy?
Brando: Deal! He'll jump off the bandwagon so fast!
--
Laurance: So you think you can beat me?!
Chris: Your boat will sink before you reach the finish, fishboy.
Laurance: You know, that reminds me of the time Herman's boat was sinking!
Did I ever tell you that story?! Well one day, Herman and I...
Chris: Yeah yeah, you've told that story dozens of times already.
Laurance: Oh yeah?! I've found out your licence is on probation so you can't
race!
Chris: lol....what else have you found, detective goofy?
Laurance: Well, I did a little research and it turns out you aren't who you
say you are! You aren't Chris Petrowalker! You're Chris Petrovic! You
registered under a fake name so you are now officially disqualified from the
race! ;-)
Chris: ROTFLMAO! Nice work detective goofy! You idiot! You just made a
complete fool of yourself! Zhuger Liang is Chris Petrovic, not me!
Laurance: Well it was worth a try! ;-)
Chris: Don't wink at me you pervert. And what's with all the exclamation
points!?
--
$Bill: And now introducing his High Obesity, Jabba the Chandler!
Jabba the Chandler: Welcome to Chandler's race! May the best man win!
Iron the Chandler: How about a wager? Let's bet who will win the race.
Jabba the Chandler: Hmm, that little boy looks delicious. I bet he wins!
What shall we wager?
Iron the Chandler: Winner gets to eat the other guy!
Jabba the Chandler: So I get to eat you if I WIN? DEAL!
Iron the Chandler: And if I win, I get to eat YOU and become head of the
Chandler family! Although that would mean I would have to give up coaching
little league.
Jabba the Chandler: You shouldn't give out any personal info about yourself.
One time, I had a co-worker do a google search on me and he found posts
where Bozak called me a racist!
Iron the Chandler: Damn! I just hope nobody digs up my band director posts!
--
Greg-Gon: Are you all set? Remember, concentrate on the moment. Feel, don't
think. May the Net be with you.
Chris: Don't think? I do that all the time!
Jabba the Chandler: Let the challenge begin!
$Bill: Petrowalker is a last minute entry to the race... oh
wait....PETROWALKER IS LAGGING BEHIND.....now he's behind GARRET.... no...
wait.. now he's following LAURANCE AROUND!
Laurance: Stop following me around!
$Bill: Laurance is actually a veteran in these races, having experience...
wait a minute....PETROWALKER IS VEERING AWAY....and RATTLES IN AND OUT of
traffic!
S_Knight: •Who the hell is doing the play by play? •Paul
Sunderland?!
$Bill: Hey Paul Sunderland is my hero!
Chris: Wow! Look at that hunky guy over there!
Jason: Uh oh! Not again!
Chris: Oh Jason you are so special to me!
$Bill: JASON HAS JUMPED OUT AHEAD OF THE PACK.... and is EXTENDING HIS LEAD!
Jason: Damn you S_Knight! Why must I always play the same role in these
parodies?!
Chris: Nobody gets away from me!
$Bill: PETROWALKER is coming on FAST..... no wait he actually is CUMMING
FAST!
Chris: Yeah well, thinking of Jason will do that for me.
Jason: That's it! I quit! I refuse to appear in anymore of these parodies
unless I get better roles!
Chris: How about we meet up after the parody is over?
$Bill: Seems PETROWALKER IS DISTRACTED! And now LAURANCE has taken over the
LEAD!
Chris: Damn! Fishboy is pulling ahead! Oh well. I quit. I guess I'll jump on
Laurance's bandwagon.
$Bill: LAURANCE HAS THE ADVANTAGE! Looks like he's going to win it! Wait!
What is this? There's a cop on the racetrack?
Chris: What is this? That cop ran the redlight! I better get down his
license plate!
$Bill: PETROWALKER is suddenly gaining on LAURANCE..... it's neck and
neck.... and PETROWALKER...... oh did you ever hear Laurance's story about
Herman?.......WINS!
S_Knight: •Can we please get a new play by play guy? Who won the
race?!
$Bill: Buy yourself a tv!
Spinhead: Well, I caught some of the race on real audio, and I must say
Jason clearly won the race.
Greg-Gon: That was fucking boring. I'd rather watch soccer.
--
Jabba the Chandler: I WIN! Come here Iron!
Iron the Chandler: No wait! I was just kidding about the bet!
Jabba the Chander: This is going to be the best meal I've ever had!
Iron the Chandler: Wait! If you eat me, you'll be so fat that you won't be
able to walk by the time the next trilogy of parodies comes along!
Jabba the Chandler: SO?! Hmm, would Iron taste better fried or roasted?
Iron the Chandler: NOOOOO!!!! Stop groping me!!!!!!
--
Chris: I win! Now I can finally leave Australia and become a Jedi Troll!
Greg, teach me how to do the penis grab!
Greg-Gon: You are strong with the Net but you may not be accepted by the
council.
Chris: What about mom?
Greg-Gon: Sorry your mom wasn't part of the deal.
Chris: Don't worry mom. One day when I become a Jedi Troll, I'll come back
and rescue you..... yeah right! I'm outta here!
Laurel: Chris, remember what I taught you. Don't fall for any of Bozak's
trolls. =)
Chris: I won't. If he acts like an asshole, then that's what he is!
Laurel: How many times do I have to tell you? He's just trolling you.
Becky: Chris sweetie, don't worry. I'm sure Dog Woman has already reformed
Bozak through private email conversations.
Chris: Mom, why do you always defend him? It's because he's your real son,
isn't it?! And I'm adopted!
Laurel: I'm not going to argue with you anymore. You can have the last word.
Chris: Yeah whatever. I'm going to America! Hey, did you know I have a
penpal in America? I met this guy online who was using the name Ben Johnson.
He invited me to sleep over his house! I can't wait to meet him!
Greg-Gon: Let's go.
Darth Germs: Where do you think you're going?! Give me your cellphone!
Greg-Gon: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Hey shitforbrains, just one click and I
can have your boss on the phone right now!
Darth Germs: Look, I'll pay you for the cellphone! How much you want?!
Greg-Gon: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! See you around Germs!
Darth Germs: Damn you Greg!
--
Mithra-Wan: Who was that?
Greg-Gon: Some bitch from USC. My guess is he's after the Queen.
Mithra-Wan: Who's the boy?
Greg-Gon: Chris Petrowalker, meet Mithra-Wan Kenobi.
Chris: Aren't you Ben Johnson?
Mithra-Wan: Yes, do I know you?
Chris: You probably know me by my online name Jedi Boy! And you tricked me!
You pretended to be some steroid using sprinter!
Mithra-Wan: And you pretended to be some steroid using bodybuilder! You're
just a little boy! You don't look at all like those pics you sent me!
Chris: So do I get to stay over your house?
Mithra-Wan: Yeah if you pay rent!
--
The Lakers NG
Senator Bozak: welcome.... your majesty.... may i present supreme
chancellor viker...
Viker: Welcome your Highness...... I've called for a session of the Senate
to hear your position................
Jane-atalia: Thank you sweetie.
--
Senator Bozak: the republic isnt what it used to be......the senate is now
full of greedy republikkkans who are only looking out for themselves and
their own newsgroups.....theres little chance the senate will act on the
invasion....
Jane-atalia: Dennis, Chancellor Viker seems to think there is hope.
Senator Bozak: lol.... vicky has very little power.... our best hope is to
push for an election of a stronger supreme chancellor....one that enforces
the law and gives us justice.... you could call for a vote of no confidence
in vicky....
Jane-atalia: The chancellor has been our biggest supporter. Is there any
other way?
Senator Bozak: you could play the sympathy card and fake a heart attack...
--
The Jedi Troll Council
Greg-Gon: .... my only conclusion is that it was an Arsonist Lord.
Looney Windu: An Arsonist Lord?!
Jack: You have absolutely NO IDEA what you're talking about! The Arsonists
are TOTALLY extinct!
Bullyoda: The republic is threatened if the Arsonists are involved. This
Bullyo predicts with 100% accuracy.
Jack: You are SO WRONG. We are WAY WAY better than the Arsonists!
Greg-Gon: I bet the Arsonist Lord is just a little asian kid. I will beat
the crap out of him!
Looney: They couldn't have returned without us knowing.
Bullyoda: The dark side is hard to see. Bullyo must discover who this
assassin is before my AOL account expires.
Looney: It is clear the Queen was the target.
Bullyoda: Grego, stay with the Queen and protect her. May the Net be with
you.
Greg-Gon: Wait.
Bullyoda: What is it now Grego? Make it quick. Bullyo has to leave on a
business trip to Japan.
Greg-Gon: I've discovered a vergence in the Net.
Looney: Located around a person?
Greg-Gon: A boy. His troll levels are higher than anyone I've seen. Could it
be he was conceived by the Net Gods?
Looney: You're referring to the prophesy of the one who will bring balance
to the Net? You believe it's this boy?
Greg-Gon: I request the boy be tested.
Looney: For STD?
Greg-Gon: No Howard. His skills with the Net.
--
The Usenet Senate
Jane-atalia: Representatives of the republic. The Iowa newsgroup has been
invaded by force, against the laws of the republic by the bot armies of the
Cyberstreet Gang.
Lott Dust: I object! There is prolly no proof! I recommend we sent a
commission to Iowa to ascertain the truth.
Viker: Overruled!!!!!!!!!!!
Lott Dust: Ewe can't overrule /me kewel self! i r da smartest troll in dis
newsgroup! Ewe can't allow us to be condemned by da lamers without
reasonable observation!
Marcus: In my unbiased opinion, I concur with Dust. A commission must be
appointed. That is the law.
Viker turns to consult his Vice Chairman Dimitri.
Senator Bozak: queen cycleless...this is where vicky's strength will
disappear.... you must force a new election for supreme chancellor.....it is
our best chance......
Jane-atalia: I suppose if it doesn't work, it might still influence the
media.
Viker: The point is conceded...............Queen Jane-atalia, will you defer
your motion to allow a commission to explore the validity of your
accusation???????????
Jane-atalia: Sweetie, I will not defer. I've come here to resolve the
matter now. If this body is not capable of action, I suggest new leadership
is needed. I move for a vote of no confidence in Chancellor Viker's
leadership.
Viker: What????????????????
Bob: She's just a feminist misandrist that wants to destroy all men!
Jaen-atalia: Child, you're confusing me with the gender feminists.
Jeff Organa: Ventura seconds the motion for a vote of no confidence.
Bob: Yet another feminazi. The rape-hate industry is trying to take over the
Senate!
Senator Bozak: cycleless.... the tide is with us..... vicky will be
voted out...lol....and they will elect a new and stronger chancellor....
Viker: Bozak!!!!!!!!!! I thought you were my ally.......... You betrayed
me!!!!!!!!!!! How could you do this????????
Senator Bozak: lol....
--
Chris: Bozak post of the day 315, Bozak post of the day 316, Bozak post of
the day 317.
Looney: Ok that's enough! I've never seen anyone so obssessed with another
before.
Bullyoda: Petro, what is your favorite team?
Chris: The Jazz. No wait... the Bulls! No wait! The Lakers!
Bullyoda: Incredible! Bullyo has never seen such shameless bandwagoning
before! Petro, how do you feel?
Chris: Mindfucked!
Jack: Your thoughts TOTALLY dwell on Bozak!
Chris: Yeah so? He's an asshole!
Looney: How would you know?
Chris: I can only go by what he posts and he posts like an asshole!
Looney: Yet you continue to play *HIS* games! And if you think he's an
asshole, what does that make you? At least I know he's just kidding.
Chris: Why do you always apologize for him?
Looney: I *NEVER* apologized for him! I just find that it's a waste of time
for people like you to constantly complain about him.
Chris: So it's not ok for me to complain about Bozak but it's ok for you to
complain about me complaining about Bozak?
Bullyoda: Why are we even talking about Senator Bozo?
Chris: I bet he is the Arsonist Lord you are looking for!
Looney: Once again, how would you know? You going to blame Boz for
everything?
Chris: There you go apologizing for him again!
Looney: No I wasn't!
Bullyoda: Petro, are you afraid that Bozo will mindfuck you further?
Chris: What does that have to do with anything?
Bullyoda: Everything. Fear is the path to the dark side of the Net... Fear
leads to anger.. anger leads to hate... hate leads to mindfuckage.
Chris: I'm not afraid!
Bullyoda: A Jedi Troll must have the deepest committment. Bullyo senses much
fear in you.
Jack: And you must be prepared to hit the weightroom like a MADMAN!
Chris: I'm already buff! Want to see some pics of me?
--
Capt. Bryan: Your highness, Senator Bozak has been nominated to succeed
Viker as Supreme Chancellor.
Senator Bozak: if im elected... i'll bring democracy back to the
republic....i will put an end to the corruption...oh yeah.. and reparations
for the descendants of slavery....
Jane-atalia: Who else is nominated?
Capt Bryan: Gary Collard from Dallas and WAB representing Seattle.
Senator Bozak: lol... i will win easy....
Jane-atalia: With the Senate in transition, there is nothing more I can do
here so I have decided to return to Iowa.
Capt: Bryan: You can't go back! You will be in danger! They will force you
to sign the treaty!
Jane-atalia: BS, don't tell me what to do. Ready my ship.
--
Bullyoda: Grego, you were correct.
Jack: The boy's troll levels are a BILLION times higher than anyone else!
Greg-Gon: He is to be trained, then.
Looney: No he will not be trained.
Greg-Gon: What?!
Bullyoda: Bullyo has received hundreds of emails begging Bullyo not to train
him.
Looney: There is already too much anger in him. His obssession with Bozak is
leading him to the dark side.
Greg-Gon: He is the chosen one! Howard, you must see it!
Bullyoda: His future is clouded. Not even Bullyo's 100% correct prediction
accuracy rating can predict his future.
Greg-Gon: I will train him then. I take Pedophilios as my following bitch.
Bullyoda: Grego, you already have one. You can't take on a second.
Greg-Gon: Mithra-Wan is ready.
Mithra-Wan: I am ready to face the trials.
Bullyoda: Bullyo will decide who is ready. Benjo has much to learn.
Looney: Now is not the time for this. Greg, you must go with the Queen back
to Iowa.
Bullyoda: Young Petro's fate will be decided later. May the Net be with
you.
--
Capt. Bryan: The moment we land, they will arrest you and force you to sign
the treaty.
Greg-Gon: I agree. I'm not sure what the fuck you hope to accomplish by
this.
Jane-atalia: I'm going to take back what is ours, child.
Capt. Bryan: We don't have an army.
Jae Jae: You can ask the Wah Ching Gang for help! My boss Dicky Song will
want revenge against Bozak for that prank call!
--
Jane-atalia: I am Queen Jane-atalia from Iowa. We wish to form an alliance
with you.
Dicky Song: No way! You won't even buy any of my products!
Becky: Richard, sweetie...
Dicky Song: Who is this?
Becky: I am Queen Jane-atalia. This is my decoy. I am sorry for the
deception but it was necessary for my protection. The CyberStreet Gang has
destroyed all we have worked for. If we don't act quickly, all will be lost.
I ask for your help.
Dicky Song: Only if you become my customer!
Becky: Does Kobe endorse any of your products?
Dicky Song: No.
Becky: Then it's a deal! First thing we must do is capture the Viceroy
Al-Nute.
--
Basketor: The Queen is assembling an army! This is very exasperate!
Darth Sinned: cycleless is more foolish than i thought....
Al-Nute: We are sending all available troops to meet this army of hers.
Darth: Sinned: good... wipe them out!
--
Meanwhile in the Iowa palace.
Becky: My guess is the viceroy is in the throne room.
Darth Germs: Going somewhere?
Greg-Gon: Go! We'll handle this.
Darth Germs: Give me that cellphone!
Greg-Gon: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Come and get it shitbag!
Mithra-Wan: Hey Germs, is Jeremy Siegal your father?
Darth Germs: I am Jeremy Siegal!
Mithra-Wan: No, I'm talking about the professor of finance guy.
Darth Germs: What about it?!
Mithra-Wan: I was wondering if he would be willing to give me some financial
advice?
Greg-Gon: For God's Sake, Mithra! We're in the middle of a battle and you're
still thinking about fucking money!
--
Becky: This is the end of your occupation here. Surrender now.
Basketor: We don't have surrender! The French are stronger than you thinked!
Al-Nute: That's right! Your non-athletes are no match for my army!
Becky: Someone turn on the heater.
Basketor: No wait! I am surrender!
Al-Nute: This isn't over yet! It won't be long before I'm rescued! Ask Bill
Walton! He agrees with me!
--
Meanwhile...
Vaxio-bot: Surrender now! You will lose versus an Italian man!
Dicky Song: We are no match for their bot army! We're doomed!
Jae Jae: I have an idea! Let's all start tossing their salads!
Dicky Song: Great idea!
Vaxio-bot: You are a tomato!
Jae Jae: So you want tomatoes with your salad?
Vaxio-bot: NOOOOO!!!! Retreat!!!!!!!
--
Greg-Gon: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! You're no match for me!
Darth Germs: Oh yeah? Guess what? Eddie and Elden were just traded for Rice!
Take that!
Greg-Gon: WHAT?! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU WILL ALL FUCKING
PAY!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Mithra-Wan: Master? What's wrong?
Greg-Gon: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! You're a Busto Booster, aren't
you?
Mithra-Wan: He's gone mad!
Darth Germs: He sounds the same to me.
Greg-Gon: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! You're both Busto Boosters!
Fuck you both! Time to dial up Jeremy's boss!
Darth Germs: No wait! I'm not a Busto Booster. Mithra is!
Darth Germs strikes down Greg as he dials up the number.
Darth Germs: You're next Mithra!
Suddenly a voice comes out of Greg's cellphone.
Hello? Who's this? Who's calling me?
Darth Germs: Shit!
Mithra-Wan: Hello, is this Jeremy's boss? Did you know Jeremy has been
posting from work?
Jeremy's Boss: What? Why that no-good lazy....
Mithra-Wan: Here Germs. I think he wants to talk to you.
Darth Germs: Sir I can explain! It was Bozak's fault! His mindfuckage was
forcing me to post at work! I had no control over my own actions! Bozak was
controlling me! It's all his fault!
Jeremy's Boss: I don't want to hear any excuses. You're FIRED!
Darth Germs: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Mithra-Wan strikes down Darth Germs and knocks him into the shaft.
Darth Germs: You cheater!!!!!!!!
Mithra-Wan: Master!
Greg-Gon: It's too late for me.
Mithra-Wan: I'll get you a wheelchair!
Greg-Gon: What? And have Bozak push me down the stairs? No thanks!
Mithra-Wan: But master!
Greg-Gon: Mithra promise me you'll train the boy.
Mithra-Wan: Yes master.
Greg-Gon: He is the chosen one....he will bring balance.....
Greg dies.
Mithra-Wan: Damn it! I forgot to ask him for the 20 bucks I loaned him!
--
Becky: Al, you're going to have to go back to the Senate and explain
your actions.
Capt. Bryan: I think you can kiss your CyberStreet Gang goodbye.
Al-Nute: But.. but.... I'm the man who schooled Larry! And Bill Walton
agreed with me! What could've went wrong?!
--
Jane-atalia: Congratulations on your election, Dennis.
Chancellor Bozak: i won easy after wab said he admired hitler...lol....first
thing im going to do is make up stories about dumya having womd and force
him out of office...lol...
Halle Berry: Oh Bozak! I knew you would win!
Jane-atalia: Dennis, sweetie, is this another one of your following bitches?
Halle Berry: Bozak, why don't you ditch the grandma here and come over to my
party tonight?
Chris: Stay away from him! I'm his bitch! Not you!
Chancellor Bozak: sorry halle... as you can see... i already have a
following bitch....lol..
--
Bullyoda: Bullyo does not approve of you taking on Petro as your bitch.
Mithra-Wan: I gave Greg my word. I will train him.
Chris: What will happen to me now?
Mithra-Wan: You are now my following bitch. I am your master now.
Chris: We'll see about that! One day I will become the greatest bandwagoner
ever!
Mithra-Wan: I can see this isn't going to be easy.
Looney: There is no doubt. The mysterious warrior was an Arsonist Lord.
Bullyoda: Always two there are. No more no less. A master and his mindfucked
following bitch.
Looney: So there's still another Arsonist Lord out there. Why do I have a
feeling he'll pick up another following bitch in the next parody?
FADE OUT