[Cpt. Llandaryn] "So, truthfully, do you really think this colour suits me better?"
*Suddenly, a terrified cry is heard, and a blue-cap rounds the corner, running past them as fast as he can. A moment later Elynduil also passes them, and gets halfway down the corridor before shouting after the blue-cap, "But I only want to touch your breasts!!". The Captain and Commander look at each other in confusion for a moment, before peering around the corner after Elynduil, and then resuming their conversation, somewhat bemused*
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "Excellent. A stylish crew is a happy crew. Now, tell me something about this new recruit we're picking up."
*Commander Linky taps his PDA several times, and reads aloud*
[Commander Linky] "Ensign Mirrorshades, studied for three years at the Forum Academy, he has a pretty broad range of knowledge, including, but not limited to, Grade B phaser weapons, Communications and Basic Astrophysics. He's also studied Medicine for a year whilst on an away mission that involved diagnosing and treating one of our friendly's when they were taken sick with a flesh-eating bacteria. He received an award for his humanitarian work and was even offered a place on the Surfer's sister ship, the H@x0r."
*The Captain taps her commie badge*
::Captain to the bridge. How long before we rendevouz with The Traveller?::
*Cut to scene : Cyberspace, outside the Surfer. The transport ship Traveller changes it's heading to meet the Surfer. It's silver-grey plating is a little battle-scarred, but it has been a worthy ship for it's Captain for years*
*Cut to scene : Airlock number 2. The surfer shakes slightly as the transport ship docks with it*
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "Well commander, lets go and make some introductions."
*The Captain and Commander Linky step forwards. The airlock door swishes open*
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "Ahh.. Commander, can we get something done about that? Airlock doors should swoosh, not swish".
*As the airlock door opens, two figures emerge. The Captain steps forward to greet them. One man is clothed in a standard Federation uniform, with three bags under his arms, and two larger bags over his shoulders. His hair is slicked back, and he has that sort of eager-eyed excitement that can only be seen in Federation Ensigns. The other man is taller, with dark hair and a bandana wrapped around his head. The Captain greets this man first*
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "Ah, Captain Kirkus. Good to finally meet you. We've heard a lot about your travels in the outer systems. The Federation would never have been able to establish it's colonies without your tireless efforts and humanitarian journeys."
*The Ensign look momentarily panic-stricken*
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "And now that the familiarities are out of the way, Captain Kirkus, how long until you have to depart? Can you at least join us for dinner?"
*Cut to scene : Captain's ready room. Captain Llandaryn, Captain Kirkus, Commander Linky and Lieutenant Commander Thursday are sat around the table. A blue-cap fetches their food and drinks, and places it carefully on the table. Just as he turns to leave, he trips over and lands on his head, causing him to jibber and convulse on the floor before becoming still. The four watch his lifeless corpse for a moment. The Captain taps her commie badge*
::Lieutenant Wrathchild, can you please come in here for a moment?::
*A moment later, Wrathchild enters the room. Seeing the blue-capped body, he quickly kneels beside it, swiping his PDA over it*
[Lt. Wrathchild] "He's dead,
*Wrathchild moves towards the door, dragging the dead blue-cap*
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "Oh, and dual-class him to Astrophysicist."
*As Wrathchild leaves with the dead blue-cap, the Captain looks decidedly pale. She pushes away her soup bowl and reaches for a bread roll, deciding to take her chances with that instead*
[Cpt. Kirkus] "So, Captain, how far are you into your mission?"
*Thursday leers at the Commander*
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "Hey, Romeo and Juliet. Get a room, we're trying to eat here."
*Commander Linky scowls at the Captain*
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "So, Captain Kirkus, you must have seen quite a lot in your travels. Do you have any interesting stories, or space-faring advice?"
*Thursday leers at no one in particular*
*Cut to scene : Bridge. The Captain is in her seat, with her senior Officers at each side. An ICQ window is open on the main view screen, and Captain Kirkus' image is beside it*
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "Well Captain, it's been a pleasure meeting you. I hope cyberspace sees you safely home to your family."
[Cpt. Kirkus] "And to you, good luck on your explorations. May the stars guide you."
*The viewscreen goes blank, and The Traveller moves away at 33k, then disappears into Broadband*
[Ensign Aragoth] "Where to, Captin?"
//**First Officer's log - Cyberdate 568254.9
//**Lieutenant Commander Thursday's log - Cyberdate 568254.9
//**Ambassador's log - Cyberdate 568254.9
//**Tactical Officer Vorpal's log - Cyberdate 568254.9
*Cut to scene : Eden, the jungle planet. The Surfer is high in orbit as the away team assembles in the Transporter room*
*A shimmering light appears on the planet surface as the away team, led by Lt. Commander Thursday materialize on the ground, some meters away from a vertical precipice. An unfortunate blue-cap is deposited too close to the edge, and teeters dangerously for a moment before plummeting to his doom*
[Lt. Commander Thursday] "Right, we're going to split up into two groups. Ensign Mirrorshades and I will collect samples of the local plants, Lieutenant Wrathchild, you and Lieutenant Vorpal can collect some micro-organisms. Err...you, troll guy, and Elynduil.... you two just do whatever it is you came down here for."
*The crew splits up and Menigal ventures deep into the foliage, determined to find a supply of small, delicious creatures he can take back to make into soup. Before long he spies a small, green, one-eyed Bloog feeding peacefully on a patch of nearby herbs. He wanders upto the Bloog with his hand outstretched, holding some tasty paisley*
[Menigal] "Here, delicious looking small creature! Me not going to hurt you! Menigal just wants to be your friend, and get to know you and your yummy little body parts!"
*Cut to scene : A peaceful forest glade. Elynduil wanders, picking exotic flowers to impress WhiteFalcon with. Then, hopefully, she will allow him to touch her breasts. He catches a glimpse of a shadow out of the corner of his eye*
[Elynduil] "Whoever you are, come out with your hands up! I'm warning you... I know yoga!"
*The sound of something large passing through the brush moves away from him. Elynduil, his own curiosity getting the better of him, follows the sound to it's source*
[Elynduil] "You'd better stay where you are, and don't make any sudden moves!"
*As Elynduil peers out from around a tree, he sees a beautiful young maiden standing ankle-deep in a crystal clear lagoon, some few metres away from a breathtaking waterfall. She wears a blue, satin dress which seems to flow around her feet in the water. The moonlight reflects off her gold-coloured hair and small bright sparklites encompass her. They seemingly rise from the pool, around the length of her body and above her arms, outstretched towards the moon as she basks in it's ethereal light. Elynduil leaves his hiding place, and approaches the woman*
[Elynduil] "My god, you're beautiful! May I stalk you?"
*A puddle of drool forms at Elynduil's feet*
[Elanírë] "Yes, He has taken many from their homes and brought them here to be His concubines."
*Cut to scene : The edge of a forest. Thursdays and Wrathchild's teams have rendévouzed and are ready to be beamed back upto the Surfer*
::Thursday to the Surfer. We're ready to be beamed up::
[Lt. Vorpal] "Wait a minute, what's that?"
::Actually, belay that message Captain, and stand by... or sit by, whichever's most comfy::
[Lt. Vorpal] "It was over this way, Sir. I caught a glimpse of something glinting in the sun.. curse it's pale yellowy luminescance."
*The away team walks towards the source of Lt. Wrathchild's readings, in single file, with Lt. Vorpal taking point, Wrathchild behind him, Ensign Mirrorshades next and Thursday last but not least*
[Lt. Vorpal] "Right, here's what we're going to do if whatever's in that clearing turns out to be hostile. First, Mirrorshades, you drop and roll to your left. Just like if you were on fire. Thursday, you take refuge behind that bush and lay down some cover shots. Wrathchild, you dodge left and right in an attempt to draw their aim away from me. I'll sneak up with a hand grena.... HEY! Who pinched my buttocks?!?!"
*Lieutenant Vorpal points his phaser at his three crewmates*
[Ensign Mirrorshades] "Whoa, calm down man!! It was probably just a tree branch or something!!"
*At the sound of the strange voice, Vorpal spins around and points his phaser at the speaker. Before him stands a tall, dark man with pure white hair, and he appears to be dual-wielding sporks. A worthy opponent indeed*
[Lt. Vorpal] "Who are you, and what is this place? Speak now!"
*Thursday leers at the stranger*
[Mysterious Stranger] "Err... no. Now, why don't you all accompany me to my abode? It's this big loud flashy buidling right behind us. Perhaps you've already noticed it?"
*The stranger laughs*
[Mysterious Stranger] "That's because it is a "night-club" of sorts. Around these parts it's known as a Pleasure Dome."
*Cut to scene : Bridge of the Surfer. Cpt. Llandaryn is pacing the deck worriedly*
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "How long has it been since we last had contact with the away team, Ensign?"
*Counselor Lutz is sat upright and appears to be concentrating, in deep meditation*
[Counselor Lutz] "I sense horny people, Captain."
*Cut to scene : Planet surface*
[Lt. Vorpal] "So what exactly do you do here, King?"
*King of Clubs leads the away team to his Pleasure Dome, all the while describing his services and customers*
[King of Clubs] "...and I think you'll find I charge a very reasonable rate."
*King of Clubs opens both doors of the building, allowing his guests to gaze upon the amazing sight of.... nothing. A tumbleweed rolls through the room*
[Lt. Vorpal] "Well. I'm glad I didn't let you talk me into subscribing to your colour brochure."
*King of Clubs wields his sporks, and walks menacingly towards the group. As quick as a flash, one of Vorpal's trained miniature giant space hamsters springs forth from his pocket and leaps towards King of Clubs, baring it's fangs*
[Lt. Vorpal] "That's it, Spanky, go for the jugular!!"
*Grabbing Vorpal's arms, Thursday, Wrathchild and Mirrorshades slam the door of the club shut, and run back towards their shuttle*
*Cut to scene : Shuttlecraft on the surface. A great host of scantily clad female love-slaves are sat on the floor. Elynduil is sat watching them in a rapt trance. Menigal is stood next to one of the slaves, who has the Bloog nestled in her lap. As she tickles it's chin and ears, it makes a noise that half sounds like purring, and half sounds like cooing*
[Menigal] "You likes my tasty pet? I found him all on me own!"
*Menigal reaches his hand towards the Bloog to pet it, but quickly draws it back as the Bloog bares it's teeth and snarls at him*
[Elanírë] "I do no wish to sound rude, but how long must we tarry here? He will surely have noticed our absence by now."
*As Elanírë finished her sentence, the four crewmembers piled into the shuttlecraft, gasping for breath*
[Lt. Commander Thursday] "Hmm. Somehow it doesn't surprise me that you are behind the missing love slaves, Elynduil."
*The Shuttlecraft 'n00b' chudders to life, and slowly ascends, unit it has broken the planet's gravitational field*
[Ensign Mirrorshades] "Phew! That was a close one!"
*The woman looks questioningly at Vorpal with big, sad, puppy-dog eyes*
[Lt. Vorpal] "Well... umm.... errr... I don't think it.."
*The n00b is suddenly rocked violently by a volley of shots. Looking out of the rearview mirror, they see that King of Clubs is pursuing them in his previously hidden ship*
[Lt. Vorpal] "That's it! Turn around and open fire! Nobody shoots at VORPAL BASTARD ESQUIRE and gets away with it!!"
*Vorpal grabs the steering wheel and fires the photo torpedo array, but the enemy ship takes no damage whatsoever*
[Lt. Wrathchild] "We can't penetrate his shields!"
*As the n00b is hit again, a small fire bursts out, and Thursday quickly extinguishes it*
[Ensign Mirrorshades] "That's it!! I know how to defeat him!!"
*The shuttle fires it's Anakin confinement beam, and an image of a small, blond-haired boy is projected inside the shields of the King's ship, causing all of it's weapon and engine systems to shutdown. The ship drifts aimlessly in space*
[Lt. Commander Thursday] "Woohoo! One for us!"
*Elanírë slaps Elynduil across the face*
*Cut to scene : The shuttlebay of the Surfer*
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "I see we have a few unexpected guests. Oh well, that's not to be unexpected I suppose. Thursday, I'll expect a full report by tomorrow evening."
*The Captain taps her commie badge*
::Ensign Aragoth, lay in a course for the nearest star system, 300k. Lets find these people a home!::
*The Surfer disappears as it goes into broadband. Meanwhile, King of Clubs, with his ship's power now restored, shakes his fist at the Surfer and plots a pursuit course..... *
//**Captain's log - Cyberdate 5681252481.8
When we first set out from ForumBase PBG IV I was worried about how my crew would fare. Many hopes and expectations ride with us, and it can be a great weight to carry for those unaccustomed to it. Regardless of this, the crew have become family to each other. I'm a little concerned about our new friend Elynduil, to whom we granted asylum... it's just little things.. flirting with inanimate objects, trying to touch WhiteFalcon and Thursday's breasts.. still, it is quite disconcerting having him on board, to say the least. But maybe I am just worrying about nothing. I am the Captain afterall, it's my JOB to worry about the welfare of my crew**\\
*Cut to scene : Corridor of the Cybership Surfer. Captain Llandaryn and Commander Linky are strolling towards airlock number 2, discussing important ship matters*
[Commander Linky] "Oh definately, Captain. And the crew are pleased about the new uniforms too. They think they hug in all the right places."
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "Well he sounds more than qualified, and we've been in need of a new Astrophysicyst ever since the last one had that nasty incident with the worm hole back in Spamellious Prime. Shame, really. Anyway, we'll get the introductions over with and I'll give him a tour, then I want you to assign Lieutenant Wrathchild to helping him get settled in, and finding him some work space.
::Thursday here Captain, we just picked up The Traveller on our short range sensors. We've laid in an intercept course and we should be at their co-ordinates within three minutes::
::Very good, Captain out::
[Commander Linky] "Unfortunately, the swoosh noise takes up 99% of the ship's energy. We could have swoosh, but we wouldn't be able to move any faster than 12kb"
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "*mumble*Fine*mumble*"
[Cpt. Kirkus] "Just doing my job, Cap'n"
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "And you, Ensign Mirrorshades. We've heard a lot about you too."
[Ensign Mirrorshades] "Only good things I hope, Ma'am"
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "Oh, of course. Now, let me start by saying there are three things people learn when they first serve aboard the Surfer. Number one, do not detach your magnetic boots from the hull of the ship if you're working in space. Number two, if you block the toilet you do thirty laps around the ship. In your underwear. Number three, if you call me "Ma'am" you get thrown out the nearest airlock. Without any magnetic boots."
[Cpt. Kirkus] "It would be my pleasure, Captain. The food out here is usually more bland than I'm accustomed to."
[Cpt Llandaryn] "Excellent. Commander Linky, have the cooks prepare a meal and bring it to my ready room, then I want yourself and Lieutenant Commander Thursday there in one hour for Dinner. Oh, and have some Bluecaps transfer some of our organic food supplies to Captain Kirkus' ship's hold. I'll give Ensign Mirrorshades the grand tour, and then we'll join you in my ready room."
::Aye, Captain. Be there in a jiffy::
::Bring your PDA with you, Lieutenant::Jim Captain."
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "Ach, dispose of the corpse please."
[Lt. Wrathchild] "My pleasure, Captain."
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "Oh, and how is Ensign Mirrorshades settling in?"
[Lt. Wrathchild] "He's fine. He's just unpacking his things at the moment."
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "Very good. By the way, Lieutenant, I've just realised that you're our Science Officer."
[Lt. Wrathchild] "Err... I though you knew that all along, Captain?"
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "Yes of course, but what I mean is, why do I keep summoning you when we have a medical emergency?"
[Lt. Wrathchild] "Because we don't have a doctor, I presume."
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "Oh. Hmm... assign Ensign Mirrorshades to sickbay then. He can be our temporary Doctor until we find a more permanent solution."
[Lt. Wrathchild] "Aye aye, Captain!"
[Lt. Wrathchild] "Anything else?"
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "Yes, give him 3 proficiency points in a weapon. Sporks should do nicely."
[Lt. Wrathchild] "Roger Wilco. Enjoy your meal."
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "What is it?"
[Lt. Wrathchild] "Lim-Lim soup"
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "Only three months. We set out from home without really knowing what we were getting into, but it's been fairly quiet so far. We've only encountered one intelligent race, but there's been a whole lot of interesting dust."
[Lt. Commander Thursday] "The dust has been intriguing indeed. There are atoms in some of the dust particles that we've never even heard of before. I even used some of the samples we collected to create a whole new type of alcohol! It's incredibly potent. Would you like to sample some?"
[Cpt. Kirkus] "No thanks, I never drink and fly."
[Lt. Commander Thursday] "Ah well, your loss!"
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "Thursday! Those samples were highly toxic! There's a very high chance that they've been in contact with large amounts of radiation!! What were you thinking?"
[Lt. Commander Thursday] "At the time I was thinking that I'd run out of alcohol."
[Commander Linky] "You poor, almost sober guy!"
[Lt. Commander Thursday] "Yeah... umm.. maybe if you were to.. "comfort" me, then I'd feel better!"
[Commander Linky] "Are you hitting on me again? I thought the last beating I gave you would've taught you your lesson!"
[Lt. Commander Thursday] "*grin* Yes, I remember very well."
[Cpt. Kirkus] "I'm afraid the life of a lone transport Captain is quite different from that of a Cybership Captain, I would presume. The only advice I can give you, is use your common sense. Think with your mind, not with your weapons. And don't trust ladies of questionable reputation if they're named Lola. Because she doesn't actually have a long-range communications device that you can contact your family on. She just wants to get you into a dark alley so she can zap you with her tazer and steal your money."
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "Duly noted."
[Commander Linky] "Do you know of any exciting, unexplored areas we can visit? It gets so tedious, just zipping along in Broadband for weeks on end."
[Cpt. Kirkus] "Well... there's always Eden."
[Lt. Commander Thursday] "That sounds sickeningly... holy. Is there nothing else out here? Fiery caves of d00m? Planet of the Eternally Damned? Robert Smith World?"
[Cpt. Kirkus] "Not that I can recall. Eden is a kind of jungle planet. Not exactly tropical, but very lush and beautiful. There may be a civilization there. I've often felt like I'm being watched, whilst on the surface, but I don't have scanners sophisticated enough to pick up life-forms. I'm sure it would be no problem for your ship, though."
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "Well, it sounds very promising. I think we just found our next destination."
[Commander Linky] "Woohoo!"
[Lt. Commander Thursday] "Mmm, I hope it's a civilization of barely-clothed, primitive jungle men."
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "Lay in co-ordinates, sector 34, speed 600kb/ps. We're going to Eden."
//**Captain's log - Cyberdate 568254.9
After saying our farewells to Captain Kirkus, we have departed for the planet known to us only as Eden. This will be an excellent opportunity to study more about the flora of other systems, as well as re-stocking the ship. I have decided to allow Ensign Mirrorshades to be on the away team that goes to the planet's surface. It will be his first away mission with us and I'm sure he'll be looking forward to it**\\
We've been gone from home for some 3 months now, and I have to say that I've never been happier. Serving onboard the Surfer has got me out of both compulsary Military service, and Civvy service, which is more than I could ever have hoped for. Not only that but the crew are always coming to me with their little secrets and bits of gossip. For example, I know that WhiteFalcon dyes her hair, Thursday likes to dress in women's frilly underwear, Vorpal actually has a child (!), Ambassador Ruine is scared of dentists, Wrathchild almost took his own life when he scored a B on a test, Phlyst likes women with mustaches, Aragoth collects scented candles and Counselor Lutz has a fear of stick-insects. I'm glad the crew trust me enough to tell me their deepest, darkest, most intimate secrets. Now, I'll have to work on the Captain and this new fellow**\\
Dear Diary, I just downloaded the latest "The Cure's Greatest Hits" album from the mainframe back home. Having a great time on the Surfer, lots of male crewmembers, all very good looking (especially Lieutenant Vorpal.. and his sense of humour is just divine). We've just recieved news that we're heading towards a planet that very well may be inhabited by gorgeous alien blokes. Can't wait, very excited. P.S. the food is awful**\\
Things on the Surfer have been significantly more boring as of late. The Captain often spends her spare time in her quarters drinking beer, Commander Linky just sits there watching his Jim Carrey movies all day. I'm wholly surprised that Thursday hasn't tried to hit on me yet. Phlyst seems to have the general intelligence of a slug and Lieutenant Vorpal hates me because I'm American. If I don't get to debate something very soon, I'm going to go insane. The one plus is WhiteFalcon. She's beautiful, I think I'll make her my fourth wife. Now if only I can get that pansy Elynduil away from her for more than a minute**\\
It seems there is a crime spree onboard. Both the Captain and Whitefalcon have approached me individually to report thefts of personal possessions. In particular, their frilly underwear. I'm going to find the delinquent responsible for this, even if I have to utilize every genetically modified miniature giant space hamster in the quadrant. Nobody crosses Vorpal Bastard Esq. and gets away with it**\\
[Lt. Vorpal] "Reduced to micro-organism collection duty. Somebody kill me now."
[Bloog] "Roggéchu!"
[Elanírë] "Of course, but first you must help me."
[Elynduil] "I'm all yours!!"
[Elanírë] "He has us enslaved here. All of us. We are helpless to stop Him."
[Elynduil] "You mean there's more of you?!"
[Elynduil] "Then we must thwart his evyl plans!! I will not rest until you, and the rest of your desperate female companions, are free!"
[Elanírë] "Oh, thank you so much, handsome stranger. I am indebted to you!"
[Elynduil] "Can I touch your breasts?"
[Elanírë] "Maybe later."
[Elynduil] "Woohoo!"
[Elanírë] "Come now, we must save the others from Him."
[Elynduil] "By the way, just who is this 'Him'?"
::What is it, Thursday?::
::Maybe nothing. We're just going to investigate something. We'll report back shortly::
::Very well. Make it quick, Lieutenant Commander. Captain out::
[Lt. Wrathchild] "I'm getting a reading on my PDA. Whatever it is, it's big! At least as big as the ship. And it's constructed out of some strange alloy I've never seen before. Permission to take a closer look, Sir, Ma'm, Sir!?"
[Ensign Mirrorshades] "Ooh, this is so exciting!"
[Lt. Vorpal] "Calm down, Ensign, I don't want to have to castrate you."
[Lt. Commander Thursday] "Hey, if there's any castrating to be done around here, I'm gonna be the one doing it. Now, lets go investigate that big thing! Lt. Vorpal, you lead the way. I'll protect your rear... I mean THE rear."
[Lt. Wrathchild] "I beg your pardon?"
[Lt. Vorpal] "One of you freaks pinched my buttocks. Now 'fess up, or I'm going to blow you all back to last Tuesday!"
[Lt. Vorpal] "Because you're new here, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt. Now, as I was saying, I will approach the hostiles..."
[Lt. Commander Thursday] "Potential hostiles."
[Lt. Vorpal] "....I will approach the potential hostiles with a hand grendade. When I shout "antidisestablishmentarianism", I want you all to duck and cover, then I will proceed to unleash the miniature giant space hamst...RIGHT, that's it! I DEFINATELY know someone pinched my buttocks that time! Whoever it was has five seconds to admit to it, then I'm going to vaporize you all!! Five..... Four.... Three... Two.."
[Lt. Commander Thursday] "Look behind you, it's a huge building with neon signs, flashing spotlights and loud music!"
[Lt. Vorpal] "Do I look like someone who would fall for that kind of thing, fool? No, don't answer, it was rhetorical."
[Mysterious Stranger] "No need for weapons here, friend."
[Mysterious Stranger] "All in good time, my friend."
[Lt. Vorpal] "I'm not your "friend". I don't have "friends". I have acquaintences, accomplices and victims. Which category you fall into depends on how quickly we get answers."
[Lt. Commander Thursday] "Can I be your "friend"?"
[Lt. Vorpal] "We've noticed it. Quite the little get-up you have here. Terrorist headquarters cleverly disguised as a gaudy night club. Very clever indeed."
[Ensign Mirrorshades] "Ooh, I could go in for some pleasure round about now!!"
[Mysterious Stranger] "You are all welcome to visit."
[Lt. Wrathchild] "And by what name shall we call our host?"
[Mysterious Stranger] "Well, my servants call me "Him", but you may call me King of Clubs."
[Ensign Aragoth] "32 minutes, Captin."
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "I wish I knew what was happening down there. Why aren't they checking in? Counselor?"
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "Oh great, that's all we need."
[King of Clubs] "I run a pleasure resort. My club is this sector's finest gambling establishment. And I have love-slaves for those who need a little extra... 'service'."
[Lt. Wrathchild] "Uhh... Isn't that illegal?"
[King of Clubs] "What's your point?"
[Lt. Vorpal] "Ignore him, he's naive. Now, tell me more about these pleasure slaves."
[King of Clubs] "Certainly. Walk this way, please."
[Lt. Vorpal] "Sounds promising."
[Lt. Wrathchild] "Sounds illegal."
[King of Clubs] "Mere technicalities."
[King of Clubs] "WHAT??? They're gone!! My love slaves! My concubines! All of them! GONE!!!! You, this was your plan all along, to lull me into a false sense of security, and steal my slaves! You'll pay for this indignation with your LIVES!!!!!"
[Lt. Commander Thursday] "EEEEEEEEK!"
[King of Clubs] "AIEEE!"
[Love Slave#1] "He's adorable! What do you call him?"
[Menigal] "Well, at first me was going to call him dinner. Now methinks I'll call him "Roggechu"."
[Love Slave#1] "How sweet!"
[Menigal] "Yup, that me!"
[Elynduil] "Well unless you know how to pilot ForumPlanet shuttles, we'll have to wait for the crew to get back."
[Elanírë] "I only hope they do not come too late."
[Elanírë] "Elynduil has rescued us from Him."
[Love Slave#2] "Yes, He is evil."
[Lt. Commander Thursday] "No time for chit-chat, we have a psychopath to escape!! Lieutenant Wratchild, start the engine!"
[Lt. Wrathchild] "Aye, sir!"
[Elynduil] "And now, my loves, we can all spend eternity together."
[Lt. Vorpal] "All due respect, Sir, I think we oughta go back and return the man's concubines to him. They were his to begin with, after all."
[Love Slave#3] "Oh please, Sir, do not force us to go back to him. He is wicked and merciless, and we shall be forever indebted to you if you allow us to stay."
[Lt. Commander Thursday] "IM the Surfer!"
[Ensign Mirrorshades] "He's jamming our commie ciggies!"
[Menigal] "We're all doomed!!!"
[Elynduil] "I'm going to die a virgin!!"
[Lt. Vorpal] *snicker*
[Lt. Wrathchild] "Well get on with it then!"
[Ensign Mirrorshades] "Quickly Lieutenant Sir, narrow the Anakin confinement beam!!"
[Lt. Wrathchild] "That was good thinking, Ensign."
[Ensign Mirrorshades] "Thank you, Sir!"
[Menigal] "You know what confuses me? Me thought we downloaded to the planet back there... so where did the shuttle come from? And who put it there?"
[Lt. Commander Thursday] "Best not to give too much thought to it."
[Elanírë] "We're safe, finally we're safe! Oh thankyou, kind strangers, how can we ever repay you?"
[Lt. Wrathchild] "We need no thanks, but no doubt the Captain will want to question you herself when we get back."
[Elanírë] "You mean Elynduil isn't your Captain?"
[Elynduil] "Oh, well I didn't exactly say I was...."
[Elanírë] "You told me you were the Captain of a mighty ship, and that if we allowed you to touch our breasts, you would take us wherever we wished!"
[Lt. Commander Thursday] "Aye aye, Cap'n."
[Lt. Wrathchild] "Captain, might as suggest our next task is to see about relocating these refugees, somewhere they will be safe?"
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "That you might, Lieutenant. Now everyone, go grab something to eat in the mess hall, and I'll have a crew member assign you all quar..... Menigal, what is that? You know we don't allow pets onboard."
[Menigal] "Err... it's dinner!"
[Cpt. Llandaryn] "I'm afraid I cannot allow you to harm, much less eat, such an adorable creature. You'll have to keep it as a pet instead."
[Menigal] "Err... yes Captain!"