Limerick Zone
The Home of Funny Limericks
Just funny Limericks and lots of them!
There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who kept all of his cash in a bucket,
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantookit.
There once was a teacher named Gray
Who said to her students one day,
"Now, you have until one,
to get a limerick done."
The class groaned the hour away!
A nudist by the name of Roger Peet
Loved to dance in the snow and the sleet,
But one chilly December
He froze every member,
And retired to a monkish retreat.
A young man whose sight was myopic
Thought sex an incredible topic.
So poor were his eyes,
That despite its great size,
His penis appeared microscopic.
There was a young lady named Myrtle
Who had an affair with a turtle,
She had crabs, so the say,
In a year and a day,
Which proves that the turtle was fertile.
There was a young lady named Sharkey
Who had an affair with a darkey.
The result of her sins
Was quadruplets, not twins,
One white, and one black, and two khaki.
A love-sick young barn-owl in Kew
Had a pretty young she-owl in view.
He twittered, "I oughter
Endeavor to court 'er
But I don't have enough wit to woo!"
There was a young man who said, "Why
Can't I look in my ear with my eye?
I think that I might
If I stretch very tight
You never can tell 'til you try!"
There was a young fellow named Fisher
Who was fishing for fish in a fissure,
When a cod, with a grin,
Pulled the fisherman in
Now they're fishing the fissure for Fisher.
A fellow who lived in New Guinea
Was known as a silly young ninny.
He utterly lacked
Good judgment and tacked,
For he told a plump girl she was skinny.
There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so big he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
If my ear was a cunt I would fuck it
There once was a plumber from Leigh
Was plumbing a girl by the sea
Said the girl "Somebody's coming."
Said the plummer still plumbing
"If anyones coming it's me!"

- Chris B.
There once was a man from Bejing
Who invented a jackoff machine
He put his prick in it
Done a thousand beats a minute
And turned his poor balls to cream

- John
There once was a man from bombay
Who fashioned a cunt outta clay
The heat from his prick
Turned it to brick
And scowered his foreskin away

- John
There once was a man named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in his cave
You must admit
She smelled like shit
Bug imagine the money he saved

- John
There was a young vampire called Mable
Who's periods were very unstable
So every full moon
She took out a spoon
And drunk herself under the table

- blahhh
There once was a young man who...
laid an extraordinary long poo.
He let out a scream!
Can this be a dream?
That'll never flush down the loo

- Dave H
There was a young tart from Southend,
Who tried lesbian sex with her friend;
With a moan and a grunt,
She licked her mates cunt;
And loved the experience no end.

- Michael W
There once was a girl from Aboritzwith
Who used to take flour to the mill to bake crisps with,
But the miller's son Jack,
laid her flat on her back,
and united the organs they pissed with.

- Darcy
There was a young woman from Ealing
Who had a peculiar feeling
She laid on her back
Opened her crack
And pissed all over the ceiling

- Melanie D
There was a young Lady called tart
Who felt she needed a fart
She stepped outside
And to her surprise
Blew over a horse and cart

- Melanie D
There once was an artist named Saint,
Who swallowed some samples of paint.
All shades of the spectrum
Flowed out of his rectum
With a colourful lack of restraint
There once was a man named Kent
Whose dick was so long that it bent
To save himself trouble
He stuck it in double
But instead of coming, he went


- Earl
There was a young woman from Crewe
Who said as the Bishop withdrew
The Vicar is slicker
and quicker and thicker
and 12 inches longer than you
There was a fishmonger called Babs,
Who sold cod, skate, place and dabs;
But she had sex with me,
And caught my VD;
And now she's a purveyor of crabs.


- Michael W
There was an old pervert from Notts,
Who loved licking young ladies botts;
Whilst rimming one tart,
She passed a wet fart;
And covered his face in brown spots.


- Michael W
To be real was Pinochios desire,
Of this dream he never did tier;
But he knew he was wood,
When he bashed on his pud;
And the poor little bugger caught fire.


-Michael W
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