Limerick Zone | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
The Home of Funny Limericks Just funny Limericks and lots of them! |
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There once was a man from Nantucket, Who kept all of his cash in a bucket, But his daughter, named Nan, Ran away with a man, And as for the bucket, Nantookit. |
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There once was a teacher named Gray Who said to her students one day, "Now, you have until one, to get a limerick done." The class groaned the hour away! |
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A nudist by the name of Roger Peet Loved to dance in the snow and the sleet, But one chilly December He froze every member, And retired to a monkish retreat. |
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A young man whose sight was myopic Thought sex an incredible topic. So poor were his eyes, That despite its great size, His penis appeared microscopic. |
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There was a young lady named Myrtle Who had an affair with a turtle, She had crabs, so the say, In a year and a day, Which proves that the turtle was fertile. |
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There was a young lady named Sharkey Who had an affair with a darkey. The result of her sins Was quadruplets, not twins, One white, and one black, and two khaki. |
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A love-sick young barn-owl in Kew Had a pretty young she-owl in view. He twittered, "I oughter Endeavor to court 'er But I don't have enough wit to woo!" |
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There was a young man who said, "Why Can't I look in my ear with my eye? I think that I might If I stretch very tight You never can tell 'til you try!" |
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There was a young fellow named Fisher Who was fishing for fish in a fissure, When a cod, with a grin, Pulled the fisherman in Now they're fishing the fissure for Fisher. |
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A fellow who lived in New Guinea Was known as a silly young ninny. He utterly lacked Good judgment and tacked, For he told a plump girl she was skinny. |
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There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so big he could suck it He said with a grin As he wiped off his chin If my ear was a cunt I would fuck it |
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There once was a plumber from Leigh Was plumbing a girl by the sea Said the girl "Somebody's coming." Said the plummer still plumbing "If anyones coming it's me!" - Chris B. |
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There once was a man from Bejing Who invented a jackoff machine He put his prick in it Done a thousand beats a minute And turned his poor balls to cream - John |
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There once was a man from bombay Who fashioned a cunt outta clay The heat from his prick Turned it to brick And scowered his foreskin away - John |
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There once was a man named Dave Who kept a dead whore in his cave You must admit She smelled like shit Bug imagine the money he saved - John |
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There was a young vampire called Mable Who's periods were very unstable So every full moon She took out a spoon And drunk herself under the table - blahhh |
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There once was a young man who... laid an extraordinary long poo. He let out a scream! Can this be a dream? That'll never flush down the loo - Dave H |
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There was a young tart from Southend, Who tried lesbian sex with her friend; With a moan and a grunt, She licked her mates cunt; And loved the experience no end. - Michael W |
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There once was a girl from Aboritzwith Who used to take flour to the mill to bake crisps with, But the miller's son Jack, laid her flat on her back, and united the organs they pissed with. - Darcy |
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There was a young woman from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She laid on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling - Melanie D |
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There was a young Lady called tart Who felt she needed a fart She stepped outside And to her surprise Blew over a horse and cart - Melanie D |
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There once was an artist named Saint, Who swallowed some samples of paint. All shades of the spectrum Flowed out of his rectum With a colourful lack of restraint |
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There once was a man named Kent Whose dick was so long that it bent To save himself trouble He stuck it in double But instead of coming, he went - Earl |
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There was a young woman from Crewe Who said as the Bishop withdrew The Vicar is slicker and quicker and thicker and 12 inches longer than you |
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There was a fishmonger called Babs, Who sold cod, skate, place and dabs; But she had sex with me, And caught my VD; And now she's a purveyor of crabs. - Michael W |
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There was an old pervert from Notts, Who loved licking young ladies botts; Whilst rimming one tart, She passed a wet fart; And covered his face in brown spots. - Michael W |
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To be real was Pinochios desire, Of this dream he never did tier; But he knew he was wood, When he bashed on his pud; And the poor little bugger caught fire. -Michael W |
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