| Hi. I am Andy Schroeder. My maiden name is Detner, but it's a long story. It all begins in the dumphole city we call Clinton, or as I like to call it, "Shitsville". Many turds infest the area, it's grusome. I was born in 186 to Cathy Schroeder, the original lead singer of Slipknot, but for personal reasons had to leave in 1984. My fathers name is Richard (Dick) Reynolds. I think it's funny because his name is the same thing as what I have right above my testicles. At the time of my birth, he had no job, 3 teeth and a mullet, but he left us to persue his new career in the adult gay porn industry (look him up at www.hottgaydicks4you.com). I went Elijah Buell and Horace Mann elementary school's. Both school collectively were the gayest faggot experiences I've encountered in my entire life. I hated school and I sucked at it. My fifth grade teacher, Mr. Cain, liked to lick oily nut sacs. Then it was on to middle school. Sixth grade sucked. My teacher, Mrs. Schultz, was an albino with a mullet. I swear to god! She was also a man, she was so gross. I hated it. Seventh grade sucked wiener too. All of my teachers all sucked yhetti dick. Then eighth grade came along and I had my first encounter with Bill Conley. If you don't know who Big Bill is, you're lucky. Bill was about 6'5" and 325 lbs. or so. He smelt like horse shit. He's a dirty bastard. He had green dentures. He had nose and ear hair. Anyways Bill and I clashed damn near every day. I called him fat and stupid. I hated and still hate him.Well next comes high school, chicks with big boobs and lots of parties, wait no that's college....dammit. Anyways I met Dirty Sanchez (Pete Clarke). At times we were both in seperate bands. Then we joined forces one day. Honestly, I never really have liked Pete and probably never will. He's a smug, unhappy little man and treats people like they're idiots. Then I was introduce to one of life's most precious aspects...the MULLET!!! Pete and I made fun of midgets, mullets, and retarded people. Shortly after, I was kicked out of a local underground rap group, Arson, they realized that I was actually white. I miss drinking .40's, cappin' bitches, smackin' 'dem ho's and makin''dat chedda' with mah home dawgz. Anyways, summer came, when Pete and I went to the Blink 182 concert at The Mark of the Quad Cities. Mark Hoppus told us personally that he loved us (to this day I have a crush on him). I had the biggest boner ever (besides when Reese drops his pants out in public). We also got to meet Jordan, Chad, and Ian from New Found Glory. Then came tenth grade. I met Reese Petersen (that strapping young stud who slyfully captures my virginity). Also I met Aj McDougall, his close friends, who was there to tape all of mine and Reese's little 'encounters' (If you'd like one of our tapes, please contact Aj, or contact my father at www.hottgaydicks4you.com). I became real good friends with both of them and found out Aj had absolutely no musical talent what-so-ever (although plays the skin flute quite nicely!), yet Reese played the electric guitar exceptionally well so I asked him to join the band. Then Last Place was formed and we are now thee greatest band EVER! I will love naked midgets forever, but my one true love will always be Erin Tiesman! |
