Packing

(PG-13)

"So what's the assignment, Jim?"

"I don't know. Simon just said pack and be ready by 1 o'clock. We'll be picked up and briefed on the way to the airport."

"So how do we know what to pack? Do you even know how long we'll be gone?"

"Not a glimmer of a clue. Better plan for any eventuality."

"Easy for you to say! Okay, let's see."

~assorted mumbling, fumbling, grumbling, rustling, banging, etc.~

"Finished! I think I've got everything we could possibly need. Hold this for a sec."

"Sandburg, this bag weighs a ton! What have you got in here, bricks?"

"The bare necessities, I swear. Hey, be careful! I barely got it to close the first time!"

"Chief, you'd better be able to justify everything in here or else..... Oh! Oh, my."

"Well, what'd you expect? I'm working blind here. It could be a one-shot or it could be a multi-parter. There might even be a sequel."

"A blindfold?"

"I thought maybe we could manage a few... experiments?"

"Handcuffs?"

"You never know when an extra pair will come in handy. Besides, Kris loves 'em."

"Lube, Blair?"

"Kim. 'Nuff said."

"Condoms?"

"Ditto. She's *so* responsible, man."

"What the *hell* is this and does it come with an instruction manual?"

"Hey, James might get into one of her moods again, you know?"

"*My* Tupperware? What's this inside ... tongue?!?"

"Don't blame me, man! You were the one who actually used it."

"*Some* people shouldn't be allowed Web access at work.... Sandburg, what possessed you to pack all this? I'm sure it's just a routine investigation."

"A guy can dream, can't he? Besides, I'm hoping to team up with those guys from Chicago again. I'd like to run some joint tests with you and that Mountie."

"Touch the Mountie and that cop and I will flip a coin to see who gets to beat you to a pulp."

"Kinky, Jim. Very kinky."

"Is sex all you think about, Sandburg?"

"Lately, yes. Like you're so pure-minded. What's in *your* bag?"

"Hey! Give that back!"

"No way. Let's see... ooooh! Mine were just ribbed. Yours are glow-in-the-dark."

"I just thought it might help you out a little. Your night vision's lousy."

"Oh, you're a real prince. And what's this? Massage oil? You planning on playing voyeur again as I use this?"

"Well...."

"Don't answer that. I know how your mind works. And yet another set of handcuffs! You're all set for action and you give *me* grief?"

"That's enough, Chief."

"Almost done. A Handicam, a pack of tapes and a copy of 'Adult Home Video for Amateurs'. I guess you want to improve your performance, huh?"

"Shut up, Sandburg. I -- the car just pulled up downstairs."

"Hey, it's a limo. Cool! This must be one high-class assignment."

"Just grab your bag and come on."

"Yeah, yeah, right behind you."

~the overwhelming aroma of 'new car air freshener' fills the backseat~

"Hey, Jim? Doesn't the license plate seem familiar?"

"Yeah, it rings a bell but I can't quite place it."

"Oh, well. It'll come to us eventually."

"Yeah, eventually. 'SENAD 1'. Kind of catchy."

the end
30 January 1997